I already know what happened to you last time you shaved your balls.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
And I can recall back during my college days a few roommates yelling for a second opinion on their bloodied, battered scroat.
I’ve walked through the fire myself. And really, you only have to cut your nuts up a few times before you master the artform.
Thankfully, with the anonymity of the internet in place, I can share with you everything you need to know so you can shave your balls safely and with zero itchiness.
What You’ll Need to Shave Your Balls (and the Rest of Your Pubic Area)
Want your nuggets to look as smooth as eggs? You’re going to need a few crucial tools:
- Electric shaver
- Safety razor
- Shave cream or conditioner
- Antiseptic, non-stinging ball spray
Prior to a few weeks ago, I hadn’t tried using ball spray after shaving, but Meridian also carries a witch-hazel formula that prevents itchiness after you shave. Plus it doesn’t sting. And if you’ve ever been a freshman in high school, you’ve no doubt sprayed your balls with something that stings like hell.
The Meridian Ball Spray keeps your freshly shaved scroat from sticking to your thigh and stretching out like a translucent bat wing, too. Even better, it cuts down on odor so you can use it as a quick refresh—like binanca for your balls.
How to Shave Your Balls Safely
Shaving your balls isn’t hard, but the job calls for some patience. That said, I think even if you’re an impatient guy, you’ll dig deep and spend a bit more time once you’ve begun wielding blades near your sack.
There are five basic steps to follow when shaving your balls. Doing these steps in order will reduce the amount of clean-up needed and you’ll leave the bathroom with your testicles intact.
Step 1: Trim your Crop
If you’re new to the world of manscaping, or you’ve never taken the time to formalize your pubic-grooming process (I don’t blame you), your crop is the place to start.
The crop is the area above your penis with the majority of your pubic hair—some call it a bush, but I’m calling it a crop because I’m a refined writer with standards.
Anyway, you’re going to knock that tangled mess back by any means necessary.
Some guys do it with scissors, some use a safety razor and try to thin it out—but the best way is with an electric trimmer. It takes very little time and you can get an even length with no effort.
When trimming up your crop, I don’t recommend going on the lowest setting. For most dudes, a bald groin isn’t a good look. The goal is to leave some hair to remind the ladies you’re still a man and not a boy, but keep it trimmed and neat.
Think of it like a beard: you’ll look great if you keep it groomed, but it gets out of control if you leave it alone for months on end.
The Meridian Trimmer is easy to work with because it has two dual-sided attachments that allow you to dial in your perfect length. Your options are 3, 6, 9, and 12mm, so you can work your way down and see what you like.
With the Trimmer, this process takes 30 seconds maximum. It’s super easy, and you’ll get an even length across your crop without any knicks.
I don’t recommend doing this step in the bathtub because you can clog your drain. Just stand over your toilet so the cleanup is easier.
Step 2: Trim the Gooch
The gooch, taint, barse, nifkin, bonch. The grundle. For you science buffs: the perineum.
It’s a no-man’s-land down there, but you’ve got to clean it up.
Tell me if you’ve ever done this before: you go to town on the grundle with a safety razor. Everything is wonderful for the first two days. And then the stubble grows out and you feel like the inside of your thighs are made of rough shark skin (please don’t actually tell me if you’ve ever done this before).
When people ask, “hey, why haven’t you gotten up from the couch in three days?” you can’t exactly answer: well, I shaved my nuts and now it hurts so bad I can’t walk.
The best way to remove some of your bonch-hair without encouraging a sandpaper-like texture is with the electric trimmer.
Take off the attachment and carefully trim back any unwanted hair. If you’re using something with a sharp ceramic blade like the Meridian Trimmer, it should be a quick job and you’re not at risk of knicking yourself.
Step 3: Shave the Base of Your Penis
Shaving your dong is the easiest way of adding a “visual inch” to your manhood.
For this job, it’s best to switch over to a safety razor. You can choose a disposable razor or go with a refillable razor.
Technically you could use whatever razor you might use for your face, but I argue against this practice for two reasons: one, it seems unsavory. What do you want—testicle-face? Gross.
Two, if you leave a razor in your shower, it’s easy to maintain your manscaping so it’s not some huge chore every time.
OK, these are good. They're a classic metal safety razor with the proper weight and size to give a smooth shave with one pass. I get very minimal irritation with these (and this is usually a big problem for me). If you're a dude who shaves his face, give these a look.
Okay, back to business.
Once, you’re in a hot shower, grab your wang by the head and stretch that puppy out full length.
Moving outward (meaning, from the base to the head) shave any hairs on your penis. Once you’ve got the sides done, pull up and shave from top to bottom where your dingdong meets your scrotum.
Your balls are a different beast, but you already knew that. For now, just make sure you’ve shaved up the base of your penis, including underneath your wang, and move on to the next step.
Step 4: Shave Your Balls
This is where the game turns high-stakes. Take your time. This process is simple, but don’t start it if you need to jet out the door in five minutes.
You can’t shave your balls if your scrotum is squinched up like a walnut-shell. You’ve got to loosen that thing up. This is where a hot shower is crucial. It makes shaving easier on multiple levels.
You can use shaving cream if you’d like here, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Whatever conditioner you have in the shower is a good substitute and will help the process along.
To shave your balls, you need to grab your scrotum and stretch it taut. Here’s a pneumonic I carefully developed to help you: if you don’t see veins, expect to feel pains.
Slowly moving from one section to the next, you’ll have a smooth sack before you know it.
Step 5: Wash, Dry, and Spray
Okay, you’ve groomed yourself without any incidents. Congratulations.
But the job isn’t done.
Wash yourself thoroughly, finish your shower, and dry off.
Use Meridian Ball Spray and give your testes a few shots. This is going to prevent itching and will help smooth any irritation.
Let the spray air-dry—maybe shave your face or do your hair while you wait.
And just like that, you’re done. You’ve got a couple of freshly shaved coconuts and your Pina Colossus is looking sharp.
Like breath-freshener for your nuts. This pH balanced spray reduces irritation and fights odor. Try a spritz after the gym, before a date, or after shaving.
Now that you know the whole process in a nut-shell (pun intended), you’re ready to fly.
Having the right tools for the job is going to make your life easier, and grooming often will actually reduce the amount of time spent shaving your balls.
I know you’re a go-getter and you don’t have time to go around grooming your nuts all day. That’s why I leave my tools in the shower. Every now and again when the mood strikes, you can just trim a little here and there. Your significant other will appreciate it.
As I said, I’ve been using the Meridian Trimmer, and because it’s waterproof and runs for 90 minutes on a full charge, I can leave it in the shower so things never get out of control.
A little grooming downstairs is an easy way to give yourself a confidence boost. For more style and grooming tips, check out The Adult Man on YouTube. We’ll set you up with the best skin-care, grooming, and style tips so you can keep becoming a better man every day.
When should you shave your balls?
When you shave your balls, you visually lengthen your penis. How often do you want your penis to look bigger? That’s how often you should shave your balls.
Can I shave my balls with a safety razor?
You can shave your balls with a safety razor. Just make sure you pull your scrotum taut and shave slowly to avoid knicks.
Should I shave my balls, or just trim?
It’s up to you whether you want to shave or trim your balls. While we recommend trimming (and not shaving) your crop, your balls are a different territory. It can mean a lot of extra work, but your partner will most likely appreciate the effort.