At this stage in my life, I’ve been on more dates than I can really feasibly count.
When you’re first getting started with the dating game, you tend to look out for the ‘wrong’ things when it comes to dating women.
For me, it was always:
- Is she attractive?
- How do I feel when I’m with her?
- Does she excite me?
- Does she turn me on?
These aren’t bad things.
But if this is the only criteria you’re using to vet partners, you’re highly likely to find yourself in trouble.
I’m going to drop a powerful masculine truth on you today:
The quality of the person you choose to enter into a relationship with will have a massive and profound impact on the quality of your life moving forward.
And this effect will be exponentially magnified if you:
- Move in with her
- Marry her
- Have children with her
So in this post, I’ve compiled a list of everything I’ve learned to look for in the women I date.
If you see these 11 things displayed in her behavior, you can at least be reasonably sure that she deserves to make it through to the next round.
She’s Socially Savvy around Your Friends
One of the most important litmus tests for any female dating partner is how she performs around your friends and family.
Obviously, you’ll want to wait to check this step until she’s earned the privilege of being introduced to your inner circle.
But here’s what you want to look for:
When you watch her interact with your friends, does she make you proud? Does seeing her interact with your other loved ones bring you joy and happiness?
Or does she embarrass you, stress you out, and/or otherwise make things awkward?
If she makes things weird or doesn’t assimilate well, take the hint—she’s probably not going to assimilate well into the rest of your life either.
She Has Rational Beliefs about Money
Does she demonstrate a balanced approach to spending and saving, suggesting a stable and well-considered outlook on money? Or does her spending seem impulsive and reckless, signaling potential future financial strife?
A partner with rational beliefs about money won’t just ensure a smoother financial journey together; she’ll also bring a sense of security and predictability to your shared future.
Watch for signs of financial responsibility or red flags in her spending habits. They can be telling indicators of her suitability as a long-term partner.
She Dresses Well and Cares about Her Appearance
A woman’s attention to her appearance is often a mirror of her self-respect and personal standards.
Notice if she dresses with care and maintains her appearance, as it reflects her self-worth and regard for those around her. Is her style thoughtful, showing pride in how she presents herself? Or did she show up to the date in grimy pyjamas that she didn’t bother to wash?
Remember, her sartorial choices and grooming habits aren’t just about looking good; they’re also indicators of her confidence and the value she places on herself and her relationships, including the one she may potentially share with you.
She Cares about Her Health and Wellness
This has become a big thing that I look for when I date women.
I’m basically to a point in my life where if she doesn’t have some kind of regular fitness habit (running, going to the gym, doing yoga, etc.) it’s a deal breaker for me.
I also pay close attention to her attitude about food. Is food a form of entertainment for her, or does she eat to fuel her body for healthy performance?
We all eat a bit of junk food and probably don’t work out as well as we should. But it’s at least important to care about it and to try to do well—and that’s what I look for.
Her Life Is Well Put together and Makes Sense
In the journey of finding a compatible partner, the coherence and order in a woman’s life is a crucial aspect to consider.
Does she seem to make overall rational choices in life? Or does she continue to insert herself into chaotic, dangerous, reckless, and/or unwise situations and relationships?
Does her life reflect a sense of purpose and direction, or does it seem scattered and disorganized?
A well-structured life, where she balances her responsibilities and passions, speaks of her maturity and ability to navigate life’s complexities.
She Respects Your Views and Opinions
The two of you don’t need to agree on everything all the time in order to be compatible.
But as a self-respecting man, you should want your views and opinions to be at least heard and respected by your date.
If she can’t even give you enough respect to listen to your viewpoints, consider them, and be respectful of you while you’re sharing them, that’s a big problem—and it’s definitely a red flag.
She Respects Her Body and Her Sexuality
Personally, I don’t place as much of an emphasis on overall body count as I do on a date’s current behaviors. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to determine if a woman mostly respects herself, or if she’s constantly sleeping around with different guys every week and/or weekend.
As a general rule, women who are sleeping around with a lot of different guys aren’t going to be ready to settle down.
Plus, sleeping around a lot (with people who can’t necessarily be trusted) is also a bit of a red flag in the sense that it’s just straight up dangerous (even when I was single this last time around, I pretty much limited my sexual escapades to a rotation of women I trusted, and kept my activities pretty much within that circle).
The key here is to watch her behavior in this area, and to consider it a reflection of her character and self-respect. If she’s letting 5 different random dudes hit it every week—that should be a sign that she’s not necessarily ready for ‘wife status.’
It’s much better to find a woman who’s more reserved, and who takes more care in vetting her sexual partners to make sure that she’s being safe and respecting herself and her future.
She Has a Good Work Ethic
There’s no bigger turnoff, in my opinion, than a woman who’s lazy.
Generally speaking, laziness tends to span the spectrum.
Lazy women tend to:
- Not make as much money
- Not do well at their job
- Not do well with housework
- Not perform well in the bedroom
- Neglect their health and wellness
- Neglect their general overall life responsibilities
If she’s more interested in sitting around and vegetating than working hard to make her life better, take the hint and head for the hills.
She’s Relatively Easy-Going and Adventurous
It’s a great sign to find a woman who’s willing to go with the flow and have a good time.
For example—if she’s never played pickleball before, and you ask her to play pickleball with you, you generally want to date the kind of woman who’ll say:
“I’ve never done it, but I’d love to give it a try.”
This is such a better sign than women who flat out never agree to try new things or leave their own comfort zones.
As far as I’m concerned, leave the closed-minded women behind, and date someone adventurous.
She’s Open Minded Enough to Not Have ‘Rigid’ Beliefs
In a world brimming with diverse perspectives, having an open-minded partner is like having a breath of fresh air in a relationship. It’s vital to observe how she navigates ideas and beliefs different from her own.
Does she show curiosity and flexibility in her thoughts, or are her beliefs so rigid that they hinder meaningful dialogue?
An open-minded woman will not only enrich your conversations but will also foster a relationship grounded in mutual respect and understanding.
This openness isn’t about compromising core values but about being receptive to growth and new experiences.
It’s about finding a balance where you can both explore, learn, and evolve together.
She’s Not Constantly on Her Phone during the Date
For me, this is a huge red flag.
I always put my phone away during dates—and I expect the women I’m dating to do the same.
A lot of people these days are addicted to their phones. But I personally consider this just a sign that she’s immature and hasn’t learned to ‘unplug and enjoy life’ yet.
And honestly, any woman who hasn’t learned this yet probably isn’t going to be in my purview as a ‘serious option.’
I’ll leave you with one more piece of advice to close it out:
Don’t be super ‘rigid’ in your date vetting process.
But also, don’t tolerate obvious nonsense either.
As a general rule, vet hard and fast.
Be willing to walk away from dates that don’t meet your standards.
As long as your standards are rational and reasonable, this will save you some massive time and energy.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
