Back in 2017 I went through an extremely painful divorce.
My marriage of 10 years (and relationship of 12) came to a bitter and disappointing end.
Everything in my life came screeching to a halt.
This experience was so disorienting and destructive to the admittedly already weak infrastructure of my life that everything came crashing down around me.
I lost almost everything and had to perform a total life reset at the age of 30.
And in the midst of the aftermath of this catastrophe, I was forced to ask myself a very difficult question.
Why had this happened?
My first instinct was to point a finger at my now ex-wife.
She had been the one to initiate the breakup. Therefore, all of the ‘fault’ must have been hers, right?
But it didn’t take much honest soul-searching to realize the truth.
My life hadn’t crashed, burned, and failed because of my ex.
Rather, it happened because I wasn’t living like a true high-value man.
What does that mean?
Well, as it turns out, figuring out how to describe the experience of living like a high-value man (or even figuring out how to define the term) was a much more complicated ordeal than I ever realized.
It took several years, a lot of soul-searching, plenty of trial and error, tons of studying, and a bunch more failures before I finally pieced together a picture of the truth.
The good news is that once I figured out how to define what a high-value man is, and made the decision to start living according to those tenets, my life began a radical positive transformation.
It took a sharp, fast turn upward toward greater life success in all of the vital domains that mattered.
And in this guide, I’m going to lay it all out for you.
These are the exact traits that empowered me to fix my life and turn things around in the wake of my bitter and destructive divorce (and subsequent life reset).
Today, over half a decade later, I’ve come to learn that had I understood these 12 traits (and lived in accordance with them) back when I was a younger man, my life would have never plunged into such disaster.
But alas—they were lessons I needed to learn the hard way.
My hope now is that, through me writing about this experience, you’ll have a chance to heed the lessons I never learned as a younger man and embrace these traits for yourself—so that your life can be filled with greater success and less catastrophy.
The stakes couldn’t be higher, gentlemen. Let’s get into it.
What Makes A Man ‘High-Value?’
This is a difficult question to answer if you don’t know what you’re looking for.
A lot of people are confused about this.
There are all kinds of weird messages that fly around in our modern-day culture that try to tell men what ‘proper’ masculinity looks like.
But at the end of the day, it really comes down to a concept that I call the masculine core evolutionary mandate.
This mandate speaks to the inherent evolutionary purpose of men, which is:
To generate resources and solve problems for the purpose of providing greater safety and security for the family and tribe to help the tribe survive and thrive.
That’s really the bottom line. When you achieve alignment with this vital principle, you supercharge not only overall life success but also your masculine attraction markers.
And so, the 12 traits that you’re about to learn are all focused on achieving this core evolutionary mandate.
Alright, now let’s talk about the traits themselves.
12 Traits of a High-Value Man
1. He’s Proactive
A high-value man will always live with a proactive mindset.
He won’t sit idly and waste his time, energy, or resources.
He understands that every day is an opportunity to move the needle forward and accomplish things. He doesn’t ‘wait around’ for important things to happen.
He makes a plan and sets things in motion.
Within this trait of proactivity, a high-value man will also seek to be intentional.
He won’t want to waste resources on things that don’t matter.
He’ll be focused on his mission, and will intentionally choose a direction for his life and energy.
He Takes Action
A high-value man won’t get hung up on analysis paralysis. He won’t waste time being slothful or lazy. He won’t waste his time procrastinating or putting off the things that need to be done.
He’s a man of action.
He’s a man who understands that if you want to succeed in life, you must actually do the things that’ll lead to the desired result.
2. He Has a Purpose
The life of a man without a purpose is like a ship adrift at sea without a compass or a map.
It could sail for years and never reach a meaningful destination.
A high-value man understands that you must have a destination in mind in order to be truly effective.
He Visualizes His Ideal Future
A high-quality man also understands that we only get one chance at this life.
Therefore, to make it count, it’s in your best interest to vividly visualize the future you desire for yourself and then work toward it with intention, focus, and determination.
He Writes Down His Goals
Writing down your goals empowers you to turn your hopes and dreams into an actual roadmap to success.
Successful men understand that this is a crucial and dynamic ingredient to an effective life.
He Makes a Plan
Men of higher caliber understand that embarking upon the journey of life without a plan or strategy is a recipe for disaster.
They understand that they have a responsibility to lead their tribe and family to victory, and choose to leave nothing to chance.
They make sure that they have a solid plan in place—a plan that’ll empower them to succeed.
3. He’s Radically Self-Responsible
High-value men understand that all resources are valuable.
This means money, time, attention, affection, networking contacts, social connections, influence, etc.
Therefore, they understand that practicing a sense of responsibility toward the vital infrastructures of their existence is crucial to avoid wasting these precious resources and steering their lives toward disaster.
He Spends His Resources Wisely
High-caliber men only spend their resources on people, things, and activities that are going to contribute to overall forward progress and positive momentum.
He’s careful not to frivolously waste his valuable resources on things that aren’t going to contribute to achieving his purpose and increasing his value.
He Wisely Invests Only in Other High-Value People
When strong men learn how to create value in life, they also come to understand that investing wisely in other good people is a necessity.
But there’s a caveat to this.
High-value men simply won’t (and shouldn’t) entertain people who don’t also maintain high standards and values of their own.
This is true for friends, colleagues, business partners, and even dating partners.
He Practices Extreme Ownership Over His Life
You’ll never see a high-value man neglecting his responsibilities.
He’ll prioritize the care, ordering, and nurturing of the vital infrastructures of his life and will make sure that all the important tasks required to keep his life moving forward on a successful trajectory are completed to the highest possible standard.
He won’t neglect to pay his bills, forget to change the oil in his car, ‘accidentally’ spend the money for his mortgage payment, etc.
Instead, he makes sure that these vital and crucial bases are covered so that his life doesn’t descend into chaos.
4. He’s Courageous
To be a high-quality man, you need to be willing to face fear and overcome it.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be fearless.
Fear is a natural emotion for humans.
It’s a rational ‘danger’ response.
However, being brave and courageous enough to face your fear and overcome it is really the definitive line that separates high-value men from grown-up man-children.
He’s Willing to Leave the Comfort Zone
If you stay in the comfort zone for your entire life, you’re highly unlikely to grow and develop to the point of becoming an effective and formidable man who’s worthy of respect.
Success requires us to take risks—and leaving the comfort zone is really the initial risk that empowers you to begin your life adventure.
He Fights the Hard Battles in Life
A man of value doesn’t shy away from difficult and important battles or conflicts.
He faces these things head-on and understands that you can’t succeed to a great degree in this life unless you’re willing to go to war for the things you care about and believe in.
A man who isn’t willing to stand up for what he believes to be ‘right’ isn’t very likely to be capable of creating any real, lasting value for the tribe or world.
He Doesn’t Shy Away from Failure
Low-value men are paralyzed by the idea of failure.
For this reason, they rarely take risks.
But this mindset has a very dangerous downside.
Playing it safe and sitting in the comfort zone will keep you from finding some of the greatest opportunities available to you in life.
To be truly high-value, you must be willing to face and endure failure, learn lessons from those failures, and then pick yourself up to overcome them the next time around.
5. He Obeys a Code of Behavior/Ethics
Part of the process of becoming a man of real value involves adopting some sort of code of ethics or standard for behavior that pushes you to a higher level of performance and effectiveness in life as a man.
Personally, after my life crashed and burned in the wake of my divorce, I created a list of 18 rules for my own life. The intent was to create a set of rules (vows to myself) that would keep me from making the same mistakes that had caused my life to fail the first time around.
And to this day, I still read and honor them every single day.
High-value men understand the value of a code of conduct, and they rigorously adhere to their own high standards to help guide their actions and decisions.
This, in turn, helps to create order in their lives and empowers them to behave according to a higher standard.
He Also Maintains High Standards of Excellence
Any man who’s willing to do a ‘halfway’ job at something is going to struggle to create and broadcast value in the world.
As a man, it’s crucial to your purpose in life to chase excellence and to always strive to perform at your best.
If you’re not willing to strive to deliver excellence at the task, is that task really something that you should be investing in?
He Holds the People around Him to Higher Standards as Well
High-caliber men don’t just chase excellence themselves.
They also inspire others to pursue and uphold higher standards as well.
Think of it like this.
- Low-value men will tend to pull other people down
- High-value men will tend to pull others up—creating a net positive within their social circles that’ll always uplift the tribe and make life better for everyone
6. He Helps His Tribe Survive and Thrive
In our modern world, many people get this twisted.
A lot of men are trying to live a more ‘feminine’ existence and shirk the masculine responsibilities of facilitating provision, survival, safety, and security for the tribe.
But this is actually incredibly damaging—not only to the masculine journey, but also to human society as a whole.
As men, we’ve evolved to be protectors and providers for the tribe. And when we embrace this crucial evolutionary mandate, we actually step more into masculine alignment with who (and what) we’ve evolved to be.
He Strives To Make the World a Better Place
A high-value man will always strive to be a net positive force for good in the world.
He’ll always attempt to leave every situation better than he found it.
He Embraces a Leadership Role
It’s crucial that men learn how to be effective leaders for their families, tribes, and communities. A man who doesn’t understand how to lead effectively will always struggle to become a man of value and excellence.
It’s crucial that you learn how to lead other people in a manner that’ll help to facilitate a better future for all involved.
He Plays the Role of ‘Servant Leader’
Alpha mentality men aren’t bullies or tyrants. They’re actually servant leaders who lead from the front and sacrifice for their tribe.
They’re committed to making sure that everyone in the group succeeds.
He Leads by Example
True high-value men aren’t just full of hot air and empty words.
They back up their leadership principles and values with solid, intentional action.
A hypocrite will always struggle to broadcast real high-value markers.
You must be a man of your word, and a man whose actions match his words if you truly wish to be considered a man of exceptional quality.
7. He Maintains Ironclad Boundaries
A high-caliber man will establish clear, common-sense boundaries for his life and social circle.
This is crucial.
Men of quality must command respect and protect their energy and influence from outside sources that would threaten to undermine them.
And men who’ve learned how to bring value to the tribal infrastructure have usually had to learn that iron-clad boundaries are a necessity.
They’re required not only for the workplace but also for friendships, expanded social circles, family, and even within the context of dating and intimate pair-bonded relationships.
He Also Enforces Those Boundaries with Kindness and Respect
Men of value also understand that the best way to enforce and uphold respect and boundaries is with a zero-tolerance policy of kindness and respect—in all situations.
These types of men don’t allow themselves to get dragged into the dirt to ‘wrestle with the pigs.’
They maintain not only high levels of self-respect but also respect for other people as well—even for those they would consider their enemies.
They uphold this standard not out of weakness, but out of strength—and out of a strong desire to hold themselves to a higher standard of excellence in life.
They understand that only weak men lash out emotionally with their words with the intent to hurt other people and tear them down.
8. He Communicates in a Straightforward Manner
Humans are socially cooperative creatures. Those who are better at cooperating will get more accomplished and bring more value to the tribal infrastructure.
Thus, high-value men learn that in order to be truly effective in life, they must communicate in a straightforward manner that facilitates empathy, efficiency, and understanding.
He Doesn’t Use Passive-Aggression
Passive aggression is a communication style utilized by men who would rather avoid conflict than face it directly.
This undermines their ability to communicate effectively.
It also undermines their usefulness in a leadership role.
Hence, high-value men will never utilize passive aggression to communicate with other humans, even those who they deem as troublesome or low value.
He Doesn’t Play ‘Indirect’ Mind Games
Alpha mentality men understand that they must be direct, bold, and controlled in their communication with other humans.
Therefore, they’ll never succumb to playing petty or indirect mind games to communicate subtle unspoken whims.
Once again, this is how weaker men who are afraid of conflict tend to act.
High-caliber men understand that there’s no place in their repertoire for such behavior.
They’ll always come out and speak plainly, in a straightforward manner—even when doing so is uncomfortable or unpleasant.
9. He’s Effective and Competent
At the end of the day, high-value men understand that you need to accomplish things, solve problems, and achieve objectives if you want to move the needle forward and help the tribe survive and thrive.
Therefore, they strive to be the type of man who walks into every situation with a ‘can-do’ attitude and an understanding that every problem will require a strategy and direct action to solve and overcome.
To put it simply—men of quality know how to walk into tough situations and make good things happen.
10. He’s Formidable
Men who pursue excellence in life aren’t harmless or weak.
In fact, they tend to be quite dangerous.
To go even deeper—they’re men with a high capacity for danger who’ve learned how to control their violent tendencies.
Instead of using this power to hurt other people, they use it to defend their loved ones, protect the tribe, and help move the tribe’s objectives forward positively.
But make no mistake—these types of men know how to be dangerous, and aren’t afraid to step into that role should the need arise.
He’s Emotionally, Psychologically, and Physically Strong
Men of value and quality understand that being strong in this life is a necessity.
This is true not only physically but also psychologically and emotionally.
These types of men have learned that every weakness has the potential to be a chink in their armor.
Therefore, they work hard to develop themselves in a healthy, holistic fashion—to be capable of withstanding the pressures and stresses that come with their role and responsibility in life.
He’s ‘Tough as Nails’
High-value men don’t get their feelings hurt over petty nonsense.
They cultivate a strong, positive, tenacious, armored shell (created with confidence, self-assurance, and self-validation) that serves to deflect insults and negativity so that their mission in life won’t be compromised by emotional reactions.
11. He’s Committed to Self Improvement
A high-caliber man will constantly seek to improve himself—always striving to become 1% better every day.
He understands that stagnation will only lead to deterioration—which will reduce his value over time.
He Levels up His Mind
High-value men understand the need to continue learning and absorbing knowledge. They’ll read books (or listen to audiobooks), consume great podcasts, take classes, learn new skills, and invest in higher learning to improve their odds of success.
This type of man will also level up his understanding of female mating behavior so that he can succeed on the sexual marketplace.
He Levels up His Body
Men of quality will never sacrifice their health, wellness, or physical strength. They’ll show up to the gym, engage in workouts, consume a healthy diet, prioritize quality sleep, and just in general continue to invest in their own health and wellness outcomes on a consistent basis.
He Levels up Spiritually
True men of value understand that there’s a need for peace, harmony, and meditation. This could be found in your religious faith, in prayer, in yoga, in quiet contemplation, or even in therapy or positive self-talk.
But this type of man understands the need to cultivate a deeper and more peaceful relationship with himself. And ultimately, that’s the purpose of leveling up spiritually.
He Levels up His Aesthetics
Being a high-value man also requires you to take care of your appearance. These types of men practice consistent grooming habits. They learn how to dress well, and how to present themselves as attractive professionals.
These guys make my favorite dress collar polo. It's super comfortable with 4-way stretch (feels like a golf shirt) and it offers so much versatility. Throw a sweater or jacket over it and you get a really classy look for or a date or a business casual dress code, without the discomfort of a dress shirt.
12. He’s Confident and Believes in Himself
For truly high-value men, self-doubt ceases to be an issue.
As a man, you must develop enough inner confidence to not only believe in yourself, but to also validate yourself so that you can encourage, motivate, and uplift the people around you.
There’s simply no room for a lack of confidence in a high-quality man’s lifestyle and mission.
How to Become a High-Value Man: 3 Things to Do Next
Alright. We’ve covered the 12 basic traits. Now, let’s talk about the step-by-step process of beginning the journey.
1. Start Developing Yourself as a Man
Regardless of where you’re currently at in life—it’ll be crucial to start developing yourself in all of the areas listed above.
Just start where you are, and start working on yourself.
If you need some ideas for how you can start developing yourself as a man today, read this guide: 31 Ways to Become a Better Man Starting Today.
2. Figure Out What Your Purpose Is
Self-development is a great place to start.
But eventually, it’ll be time to embark on your own hero’s arc.
What’s your life purpose? What’s your life’s mission?
These are important questions to answer for yourself.
Until you determine your purpose in life, you’ll struggle to find direction and a deeper meaning for your existence.
So figure out what you want to accomplish, how you want to make a difference in the world, and how you’d like to be remembered after you’re gone.
If you need a bit of help figuring this stuff out, read this post.
3. Start Building a Tribe, Growing Your Family, and Investing in Your Community
There are a lot of men who identify with the concept of the lone wolf.
And for a while, this is a great experience for men to go through.
(Some men experience this by ‘going monk’ for a period of time.)
But at some point, it’ll be crucial to embrace your role as a masculine leadership figure within the greater tribe and community.
Remember—humans evolved to be social and cooperative creatures.
And as a man, you’ll be able to affect the greatest good (and enjoy the most benefits) by investing in other high-value people who are also willing to invest in you.
- Start by finding a great circle of high-value friends.
- Then, find a girlfriend and develop an intimate relationship.
- Start growing your family and tribe.
- Then, find ways to use your talents and abilities to contribute to the greater good in your larger community.
Yes, this will require quite a bit of responsibility and sacrifice.
But at some point—true high-value men find ways to give back to humanity and help move the needle forward to a better, more hopeful future for everyone within their circle of influence.
Learning how to be a high-value man is a lifelong process.
Rome wasn’t built in a day—and neither is a high-value lifestyle.
But if you stick with it, never give up, and continue to strive for excellence—you’ll not only reap amazing benefits from this journey, but also find greater depth of meaning, more fulfillment, and increased levels of happiness as a result.
I can say this from experience.
It works—and it matters.
For more tips and advice on how to be a high-value man, make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel.
Go with grace, and never give up your power.
What does a high-value man want in a woman?
A high-value man would only seriously entertain the company of a truly high-value woman in his life.
Here’s the thing. As a man of quality, you’ll understand that allowing people with lower standards into your life will hinder your journey and hold you back.
And nobody is going to be more influential and impactful in your life (for better or for worse) than your intimate partner.
You’ll share a room, a bed, and intimacy with this person.
They’ll gain access to some of the most private and vulnerable parts of your life. Therefore, as a high-value man, it’s crucial that you learn how to look for high-value partners, and that you vet out women who could bring drama and nonsense into your frame.
What is a high-value man’s salary?
High-value men will always strive to raise the bar where their financial security is concerned.
As a baseline, modern-day high-quality men should strive to reach a 6-figure income as soon as possible—regardless of whether it comes from a salary, a high-income skill, side hustles, or assets.