When you’re out and about with your guy pals, there’s always plenty to talk about, isn’t there?
Sport, music, movies, your buddy’s weird itch…
But when it comes to topics to talk about with women? It can get tricky for some guys.
Whether it’s a first date or you’ve just started talking to a girl out in a bar—sometimes your brain freezes and you can’t think of a single thing to say.
Well, a lack of confidence, mostly. Nerves and anxiety can rob you of your tongue.
How to Start a Conversation With a Girl
If you find it difficult to come up with things to talk about off the top of your head, this section is for you.
It’s important that you start a conversation with a girl on the right foot if you want her to become attracted to you.
Here are three great techniques for opening conversations indirectly. An indirect approach works because it allows you to spark awesome off-the-cuff conversations while still being yourself.
- Technique #1 – Comment on something she’s holding or wearing. It can be a statement or a question. For example, if she’s holding a drink at a bar, ask her how she likes it. If she’s wearing unique shoes, find out where she got them. Pay attention to the details.
- Technique #2 – Comment on something that’s happening around you both in the moment. For example, if you’re at a bar and there’s a band playing, make a comment about the singer’s voice. Again, being able to have conversations on the fly is all about paying attention to the details.
- Technique #3 – Give her a compliment. This technique is a little more direct but it’s a great way to start a conversation with a girl who you’re interested in. The important thing with this one is to stay away from the obvious compliments that most guys would be giving her. If she’s got a tattoo, don’t compliment her on it. Too easy. Hair and piercings? No and nope. These are obvious and every other guy is complimenting her on those. You need to be unique to spark her interest, especially at the start of a conversation.
These techniques all involve starting with something personal. This makes it easier to connect with her. If you don’t start connecting right away, the conversation will quickly die and you’ll lose her interest.
Check out this great video from Tripp Advice which breaks down these points:
What Are Some Good Things to Talk About?
Okay, so you’ve got the conversation started. Now you’ve just got to relax and let the conversation flow.
It’s good practice to have some interesting topics to bring up should the chatter run dry. Same goes with having a few go-to questions in your back pocket.
Don’t worry, we’ve done all the hard work for you. Here are 20 good conversation topics to talk about with women:
1. The Food/Drinks
It’s obvious, really. They’re right there in front of you.
Does she like what she’s got? Does she want to try yours? What’s her favourite cocktail?
What’s also probably there and should work as its own cue is music.
Don’t use this as an excuse to tell her your top 100 albums in descending order, though. Guys have a tendency to get a bit crazy when it comes to talking about music.
Ask her what she’s into. And if she says something you hate (which, let’s face it, is very likely…) – fight the temptation to spit on the floor and walk out.
You don’t want to look like an expert, though. That’ll paint you out like a couch potato. But, do ask her what she watches.
Remember – it’s not a
Don’t make a snap judgement on that just because she doesn’t watch Mad Men, though.
This subject works like the last two, but – you can use it to progress to date two.
Get talking about new releases. Listen out for what movie she’s looking forward to seeing. When she says it – REMEMBER IT. Later down the line it can be your key to another meet.
Tricky topic, this one. It’ll come up, no doubt.
Don’t fear it, but do beware that it can be a touchy subject. You don’t want to brag about work if you have a good job. It looks arrogant.
Similarly, you can’t be too down on yourself if you have a slightly less than impressive sounding job role. Tell her what you do, say you enjoy it, then move things onto her line of work.
Now we’re talking (quite literally). People LOVE talking about the things they, well, love.
Get her talking about her hobbies and interests. Then the chat will, naturally, turn to yours. Tell her. Be passionate! There’s nothing more attractive to a woman than a man with fire in his belly about something.
Unless that thing is strip clubs, of course (usually).
7. Pets and Animals
Not that we wish to generalize, but there’s a good chance the girl you’re talking to will either have a pet or want one.
Furry friends will get them gushing with words and all you need do is sit back, nod and pull ‘aaaaw, cute!‘ faces. Talk about your childhood pet (do NOT cry!).
Show respect, love and appreciation for animals and you’re winning brownie points already.
Where has she been? Where does she want to go? Can you relate to the places she names? Does she have any holiday plans? Do you?
If you don’t, you should check out our ultimate list of the best places for single guys to travel to.
Okay, so travel questions are the sort of thing your barber asks, but dammit if it isn’t a great topic anyway. Those people know more than just how to make your hair look good, y’know.
9. Future Plans
Avoid making this sound like an interview question, but it’s still a good idea for a conversation topic.
Prepare your answer and you can appear focused and goal-oriented. Drop in a mention of ‘a lovely woman’ and ‘kids’ and you’re onto a real winner.
You’re not exchanging qualification details here. But this opens up opportunities for anecdotes about school, college and uni.
Just keep ’em clean.
11. Pet Peeves
What bugs the girl? What annoys you? Keep it light.
This isn’t a chance to angrily rant for 45 minutes about your boss or referees.
12. Personal Struggles
Sharing struggles can create a sense of bonding.
This one’s risky, though. You’ve got to judge the tone of the evening. It could turn things a bit sour. But, judge it right and talking about things she’s overcome can help the girl develop an emotional connection and build trust with you.
Again, you’ve got to
This can give you both something to talk and agree on. On the flipside, you may find yourselves shouting at each other.
Proceed. With. Caution.
14. Drugs and Alcohol
This isn’t a topic for everyone, but you may have to broach it eventually.
If you’re either a particular fan or hugely dislike these two things – you’re going to need to she how she feels about them.
It’s a tough one. Talking about morally questionable ideas and systems – wage slavery, real slavery, racism, etc.
Save this for once you’ve had a few conversations. Only things could turn sour. And if she’s not keen to talk about this sort of thing? Ditch the idea.
So, this one can go either way.
Maybe you’ll get her to open up and talk freely about her crazy, interesting dreams. If that’s the case, it’s an awesome topic to talk about. Dreams are usually a person’s true passions. And people love to talk about them.
Or, maybe it’s a dead end. Worse still, it could just be boring for the one listening/pretending to listen.
Keep it in your back pocket and play it by ear.
17. Naughty Stories
Bear with us here.
You’ve got to make sure the girl you’re talking to is relaxed and open and honest and extroverted first. And don’t open with this whatever you do.
Plus, when it’s your turn to talk – don’t get too filthy. She doesn’t need to hear about what you got up to in that barn when you working that summer job when you were fifteen.
18. Conspiracy Theories
Who does she think killed JFK? Alright, this one’s not for everyone, admittedly, but it can be entertaining.
But either way, you really shouldn’t bring up your flat Earth theory.
19. Life and the Universe
If you can’t string a few minutes talk out of a subject as huge as this, then you’re probably screwed, brother.
We dare you!
But remember, guys. It’s a pretty bad idea to ask her if she’s in love with you. If you’re not sure why we’ve said that, this post is for you.
What’s So Hard About Talking To Girls?
Nothing, really. They’re just people, after all.
Alright, some of them are brain-freezingly beautiful. We get that.
But just take a deep breath. And remember—you’re not alone. Lots of fellas struggle with relaxed chit-chat when they’re planted in a seat two feet away from women they find attractive.
Here are just a few reasons conversation can be stilted and men struggle to talk to women:
- Lack of awareness. She’s not your mother or sister. And she’s definitely not one of the boys. Be aware of your company and the situation you’re in. Some men forget to adapt their conversation and behavior and it can set up a terrible convo and really put a woman off wanting to talk to you. It can also land you in the friend zone if the girl is a romantic interest. And romance and friend zone go together like almonds and gum.
- Lack of motivation. Maybe you’re just getting out of a relationship and can’t stop thinking about your ex (actually, this is a great reason to go on a date). Maybe you’ve been forced by your friends to go on the date and you’re not all that up for it. Or maybe, your low self-esteem makes you believe any effort is futile. Lack of motivation can be a real killer of good conversation. So, what can you do? Simple. Get off the couch and get in the game. You’ll feel a lot better for it.
- Lack of knowledge. Don’t get yourself involved in talking about something you know absolutely nothing about. Unless it’s a favorite subject of hers and you mention up front that you want her to teach you about it. There’s not much worse than seeing a dude spout off ignorant falsehoods because he feels threatened by a woman’s intelligence. If you do this, it will quite rightly make her want to stop talking to you.
There you have it. There are a lot of topics here but don’t let that stress you out. Each one of them can lead to hours of stimulating conversation.
Do yourself (and mankind) a favor, though. Don’t talk about the weather, alright? Unless you’ve got a sneaking suspicion she’s dull.
Or a meteorologist. Or a dull meteorologist.
Interested in learning how to keep a conversation going from her perspective? Check out this excellent post by Mantelligence. Also check out this video from one of our favorite YouTube channels, Charisma on Command: