As a man, you want to succeed on the dating scene. You want to win in your dating life.
You want to attract beautiful, high value women, go on awesome dates, and have incredible relationships.
But if you’re like most men, you probably struggle to figure out how to tell if a girl likes you.
Well, let’s solve that problem.
After you’ve read this post, you’ll know the definitive signs that will tell you right away if a girl actually likes you or not.
Let’s put the decoder ring on and break it down.
13 Signs That a Girl Likes You
1. She Notices You And Smiles
If you catch a lady looking at you once, it may be a fluke.
But if you catch her looking twice—well, that tells a slightly different tale.
This is especially true if the gaze is accompanied by a smile.
When a woman notices a man she is interested in, she will:
- Make eye contact
- Smile, laugh, or giggle
- And then, look away – revealing the feminine softness of the face and the side of the neck
According to biological anthropologist Helen E. Fisher, this is one of the most distinctive and recognizable signals of female sexual interest.
2. She Makes And Holds Eye Contact
If a woman makes and holds eye contact with you for more than a fraction of a second (3 to 5 seconds is the golden time-frame), there’s a strong possibility that she’s interested in you.
There are several reasons for this.
If she’s really attracted to you, making eye contact is probably causing an oxytocin release in her brain.
Which for her (and if you’re also interested in her—now for you too) feels pretty darn awesome. You know what they say—the only two things in life you REALLY enjoy are oxytocin and dopamine.
But prolonged and frequent eye contact may also be a sign that she’s attempting to either engage with you or elicit engagement from you.
This is her way of saying “I’m interested in you, and I’m worthy of you. So come hither and engage with me.”
Pro Tip: Do her pupils dilate when she’s looking at you or speaking to you? If so, it could mean that she’s focusing on your harder—which is an indication of higher cognitive effort.
In other words—she’s digging you, man!
For more on the evolutionary science behind eye contact, check out Jordan Peterson’s talk on the topic in the fascinating video above.
3. She Plays With Her Hair Or Fidgets
If a woman is playing with her hair, fidgeting with her jewelry, or performing some other kind of ‘anxious/nervous’ movement to keep her hands busy, it likely means one of two things:
- She’s performing what is called a ‘replacement gesture’ to ease anxiety
- Or, she’s downright uncomfortable and doesn’t quite know what to do next
Here’s the thing. A girl playing with her hair or fidgeting with her coffee cup doesn’t always indicate that she likes you.
But it can.
You have to look at other factors.
Context is everything on this one.
If I’m out with a lady, and I make eye contact, I watch to see how she reacts.
If she maintains that eye contact with me for 2 to 3 seconds, looks away, starts to fidget with her hair, and then continues to give me positive signals and smiles…
Well, that’s a sign that she is probably really nervous, but really wants to be there.
4. She Exposes Her Neck/Body To You More Often
My go-to body language expert is always Vanessa Van Edwards (if you haven’t read her book Captivate, do yourself a favor):
According to her, most female attraction cues come from our evolutionary past.
And one of the very first moves a woman will make when she wants to attract a man she likes is a hair flip that exposes her neck and displays the soft, feminine curvature of her face.
This does two things:
- It sends her pheromones in his direction, stimulating his olfactory system
- It tilts her head and reveals her neck (a very sensitive and vulnerable part of her body) to him
This is actually very telling, and many women do it without even realizing that they are doing it.
If you see this gesture, she either really wants that insurance sale, or she’s trying to hit on you.
5. She Tries To Be Physically Close To You
For me, one of the most obvious signs that a lady is into me is that she’ll make a noticeable effort to be physically close to me.
I once knew a woman who was really shy and withdrawn around most people. But whenever I spent time around her, she would make sure to get, and stay, as close to me as possible.
As it turned out, she had a really big crush on me. And whenever I was around her, she seemed drawn to me—like I was a human magnet.
Women will tend to want to be physically close to you if they like you. The intimate zone is 0 to 18 inches. If a lady is getting this close to you on-purpose, it probably means that she is enjoying the close proximity, and wouldn’t mind getting even closer.
Does she lean in when you talk to her over lunch? Does she lean toward you to whisper in your ear while you’re sitting at the bar?
Does she remove obstacles (like her purse) so that nothing is standing between the two of you?
She may be trying to get as close to you as possible. And that’s a very good sign.
6. She Initiates Touch And Physical Contact
I was once at a party with a bunch of friends. At one point, I found myself sitting alone with a work colleague. She was usually quite reserved. But on this particular evening, she was tipsy, and was being a bit freer with our conversion than usual.
She leaned in close, and between sips of her sweet-red wine, confided in me that being around me made her feel like she could genuinely be herself.
And then, she placed a hand on my leg, just above my knee.
There was this moment where we looked at each other.
She was literally communicating an ‘I like you,’ using everything but her voice.
First of all, men need to understand that most of the human mating dance takes place without the actual words being spoken.
The sooner we get used to reading between the lines and understanding the nuances of how women behave, the faster we will level-up our ability to decipher what is actually going on.
Next, it is important to understand that women are less likely than men to initiate obvious romantic touch. But they are really keen on ‘accidental touches.’
Not every situation is as obvious as the one I described above.
Accidental touches may include small brushes against your arm, gentle ‘nudges’ as you walk together, a hip pressed against yours as someone else walks by, etc.
Whether it seems intentional or accidental, pay close attention when a woman touches you.
Women are really good at avoiding unwanted touch. So the odds that it was accidental may be smaller than you realize.
7. She Laughs At Your Jokes
According to the book Why Women Have Sex, by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss, women are “attracted to men who produce humor, and that’s true for all types of relationships, from one-night stands to life-long mating.”
In fact, for men, having a sense of humor is so important to the process of leveling-up your attraction that the Buss Evolutionary Psychology Lab labeled displaying a good sense of humor as “the single most effective tactic men can use to attract women.” (Meston & Buss, 2009, p. 21)
In my experience, shared laughter and humor is a powerful indicator of mutual interest, worldview agreement, and overlapping social ideas.
In other words—if she laughs at your jokes, there’s a very good chance that she’s feeling some natural, organic chemistry between the two of you.
There’s also a very good chance that she secretly wants to take that connection further.
8. She Tries To Build Connection With You
Building connection is one of the key components of attraction.
But how do we do it? How do we cultivate connection when we come into contact with someone we like?
As it turns out, women are pretty good at this—and it tends to happen quite naturally when they feel attraction and sexual interest toward a man.
- Volunteers/shares personal details about herself
- Tells you secrets about herself
- Uses ‘I’ statements without being prompted by specific questions
- Uses few or no ‘avoidant’ answers (examples: I don’t know, I’m not sure, kind of, I guess, etc.)
- Tells stories about her life
- Talks enthusiastically
- Maintains eye contact while communicating
- Reacts to your own statements and stories with understanding, empathy, and enthusiasm
…then it is highly likely that she feels a connection to you, and is attempting to cultivate it and take it deeper.
In other words—she likes you, man!
9. She Seems Highly Motivated To Seek You Out And Spend Time With You
When we’re sexually interested in someone, they really tend to show up on our radar—to the point where it can be difficult not to gravitate toward them.
This is absolutely true for women.
Does she seem to attend a lot of the same hang-outs as you?
When the two of you are at a party together, does she seem to go out of her way to run into you and spend time with you?
You can sense when someone is going out of their way to cross paths with you. And if this happens more than once or twice, there is a very good chance that she’s doing it on purpose.
Women don’t seek you out by accident. They’re very good at avoiding men they don’t want to spend time with.
If she keeps running into you and seems to enjoy it, take the hint and take your shot.
10. She Gives You Her Undivided Attention
I can usually tell within the first 5 minutes of a date if a woman is into me or not, based on what she’s doing with her attention.
- Is she looking at her phone every few minutes?
- Does she seem distracted?
- Is she looking around and commenting on the weather or the decor without making eye contact with you?
- Is her attention wavering?
- Does she seem to have trouble following your conversation?
When a woman is truly interested in you, she will be focused intently on you.
I met a lady for margaritas not too long ago, and she literally declined three phone calls while she was talking to me.
The first time, she just dropped the phone into her purse without even looking at the number.
The second time, she hastily looked at it, declined the call, and apologized to me.
The third time, she declined the call, shoved the phone back into her purse, and said “I’m sorry, I guess people are really wanting to talk to me today! It’s kind of frustrating. I’m going to just ignore it now.”
And she did.
It was pretty obvious that she was vibing with me, and we had a really good time.
11. She’s Interested In Your Dating Life And Asks About Your Female Friends
When you start digging deeper into the science of attraction and mate-selection among humans, you definitely become aware of how important resource potential is to females.
In fact, David M. Buss talked about this at great length in his book The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating.
Since it has always been costlier and riskier for women to engage in sexual behavior, they’ve adapted to make sure that this cost and risk is minimized and counter-balanced by looking for mates with high resource potential.
And you can see the very beginnings of this process when a woman starts to inquire about your female friends and dating life.
This helps her to gauge whether or not your current resources (time, money, sexual attention, emotional energy, tribal connections, etc.) are already being invested and tied-up in other women.
But this is also a definite sign that she’s at least a little bit into you.
A woman with no sexual interest in you would have very little reason to care about your female friends, or who you’ve been going on dates with.
12. She Texts You First And Often
One of the golden rules of our modern-day dating landscape is this:
Women do not text you if they’re not interested in you.
Granted, women may text you for a variety of reasons. She may want to be your friend, she may want to sell you essential oils, or, she may just be bored and wanting someone to entertain her for a few hours.
But if she texts you first and often… and returns your texts promptly when you text her, odds are good that she’s interested in you for real.
You can also tell by looking at how much effort she puts into texting you.
Are her responses short and thoughtless? If so, she’s probably just staving off boredom until the man she really wants to talk to messages her back.
But if she puts thought and effort into her text messages, tries to be funny, tells you things about herself, or shares more intimate information with you—well, that is a very good sign.
Pro Tip: If she sends you pictures of herself, she is most likely digging your vibe and looking for a date.
Women do not put that kind of time or energy into texting unless they are highly motivated to do so.
And sexual interest in a man is probably the most powerful form of motivation that exists.
It’s as simple as this.
If she tags you in posts (especially if she tags only you in those posts), shares things to your wall, posts pictures she took with you, shows off your messages to her on her own wall, likes/thumbs-ups things that you post, or connects herself to you on social media in any way that is public and visible, there’s a very good chance that she likes you and is sexually interested.
Here’s the thing:
If a woman isn’t interested in you sexually, the odds of her wanting to be seen associated with you on social media are very small.
If she’s your friend, your mom, or your sister, sure. But the average woman is going to want to save the ‘sanctity of her social media image’ for the man she truly wants to take to bed with her.
In other words—if you notice that she has started blowing up your social media and seems to be showing off her interactions with you, there is a strong chance that she’s doing it on purpose.
This is her way of saying “hey everyone, look at this hot guy I met! Look how much we like each other!”
But it’s also her way of saying “I’m claiming this guy as my own! All of you other girls can back off now!”
Women love to show off their guy interest to their online friends. But this behavior also serves to help ward off potential rivals by displaying that this man’s resources are already claimed.
By contrast, they are embarrassed to be seen associating with men they have little or no sexual interest in.
Because they want to advertise themselves as open and available to the men they are really interested in.
The Importance Of Context
Context is extremely important when you’re trying to figure out if a girl likes you.
Attraction and mating behavior is not a black and white game. It’s a subtle dance of nuance, sensory signals, and reading between the lines.
Yes, understanding the science of human mating behavior and attraction can give you a clue as to where to start. But if you don’t stay aware of the context, you might lose track of the most important source of information at your disposal:
When trying to figure out if a woman is interested in you, stay focused and pay attention to your interactions with her.
As men who want to level-up our dating game, we need to be self-aware enough to watch our interactions play-out, learn from them, and gather information without getting ‘lost’ or ‘caught up’ in our emotional reactions.
In other words… keep your head in the game, man!
Here are some tips to help you decode context, to figure out if this girl really likes you, or if it just seems like it.
Be Aware Of Male Sexual Overperception Bias
Sexual Overperception Bias is basically a fancy way of saying that men sometimes think that women are hitting on them when, in fact, they are just being genuinely friendly.
For example—the cashier at the grocery store may make eye contact, smile at you, and ask you about your day.
She may be hitting on you.
Or, she may just be doing her job and trying to be friendly.
How do you know the difference?
How To Filter Interactions Through A ‘Context Lens’ When Interacting With Women
I once went out to a club with my friends and met this beautiful waitress who was also an art student at the local University.
She was dressed up, she was fun, she was smiling at me—she was giving me every signal in the book.
Or… maybe she wasn’t, and was just trying to do her job and be friendly.
How do you deal with this kind of situation? How do you avoid making the wrong judgement, and assuming that she likes you when she really doesn’t?
There are two approaches I like to use for filtering these types of interactions for context:
1. One Signal Doesn’t Mean Anything
This is something I used to tell myself when I first became aware of sexual overperception bias.
To put it in the simplest terms, I made a rule for myself:
If a girl gives me one attraction signal, she’s just being friendly. If she gives me two or more, she may actually like me and is probably flirting with me.
This method has served me very well in regular social circles.
But it doesn’t help us to solve the problem of filtering interactions with women we will likely never meet again.
So, I’ve adopted another method for dealing with those types of situations.
2. Trust Your Instincts And Shoot Your Shot
Whenever I’m out and about and run into a girl who is acting as if she may like me—I run the interaction through a filter by asking myself a few simple questions:
- What is my gut instinct about this situation?
- Is this the type of place where a woman might not want to be hit-on? (For example, I’m not a huge fan of hitting on women at the gym because most of the time, this isn’t the time or place where women want to be approached by men.)
- Has she given me more than one attraction signal?
- Is she working? (I always think twice before hitting on a woman who is working, since she is literally being paid to be nice to me.)
If I think that a girl is hitting on me in a setting where I am highly unlikely to run into her again, my first course of action is to take the bait and try to follow her lead.
For example: If she asks me a question, I will answer it, and return it with a friendly question of my own.
In other words, I try to make it really easy for her to show me that she’s interested.
Sometimes, this leads to a prompt ‘dropping off’ in the energy levels of the interaction—which tells me that she was, indeed, just being nice to me.
But sometimes she continues down the rabbit hole, and the energy levels escalate—in which case, if I am interested in her as well, I will usually shoot my shot.
My go-to close in these types of situations is to ask her for her number. It’s innocent, she can easily say ‘no’ to it if I misread the signals, and it gives a stronger masculine vibe than asking to add her on social media.
Always Give Her An ‘Easy Out’
Sometimes, if we misread the signals and shoot our shot with a girl who isn’t into us, we can quickly run into weird territory.
Keep in mind that women will seldom come right out and say that they are not interested in you.
Most women will find something else to say instead. I call these types of reactions soft no’s:
- I’m not really dating right now, sorry
- I’m talking to someone else
- I have a boyfriend
- I don’t usually give out my number, sorry
Why do women do this?
Because they don’t want to be rude and hurt your feelings.
In other words… she’s trying to let you down easy, man!
In such cases, it’s very important to give her an easy out. Say thank you, smile, and walk away with your head held high, knowing that you did your best.
How To Tell If She’s Not Interested
Keep this in mind when hitting on women, escalating, or going in for a close:
If she offers any sort of resistance, acts reluctant in any way, or seems to give you any kind of excuse, even without giving you a ‘solid no,’ abort mission and give her an easy out.
Here’s what you need to remember.
If she wants you, it will feel effortless.
That’s just how it is. It will feel organic, easy, and meant to be if you and she are truly digging each other.
Anything less than that probably means that she’s trying to find a gentle way out.
Sometimes, men feel like they need to chase a girl and win her over if it isn’t flowing right.
I’m not saying that it can’t happen. But 9 times out of 10, you’re going to waste your time following that strategy.
Even worse, chasing a woman like this will make you look weak, desperate, and clingy.
Trust me, the ‘chasing game’ isn’t a game that works well in your favor.
Rather than pining after a lady who’s reluctant to spend time with you, expand your social circles and start meeting other women.
If you work on expanding your social circles, leveling up as a high-value man, and building up your understanding of how to increase your attraction levels and game, it’s only a matter of time before you cross paths with many beautiful women who will jump at the opportunity to spend time with you.
That’s what it’s all about.
Hopefully, this post has given you everything you need to figure out if a girl likes you.
Just remember—attraction is a skill. Learning to understand women takes practice, patience, and determination.
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Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
See you on the next one.