This may sound like a crazy thing to say, but hear me out:
On more than one occasion, I’ve experienced the phenomenon of being ‘tested’ by female dating partners.
This has taken many varied and complicated forms, such as:
- Trying to provoke me to anger by acting ‘bratty’ or ‘out of control’
- Acting passive aggressive toward me, or even challenging me (sometimes in front of other people)
- Playing ‘games,’ like trying to levy the ‘silent treatment’ at me, or being ‘irrationally argumentative’ with me about social issues we found we didn’t agree on
But here’s the thing:
In many of these situations, the women I was engaging with would often later admit that, to some degree, these types of behaviors were tests.
They wanted to see what I would do.
They wanted to see what kind of man I was when faced with adversity.
They wanted to see how angry I would get, if and/or how I would act out, and what the recourse would be.
And perhaps most specifically—they wanted to figure out for sure if I was the kind of man they could respect, trust, and feel safe with.
Women definitely test men—and for good reason.
See, women actually put themselves at quite a bit of risk when they date men who aren’t:
- Respectable
- Good leaders
- Self-responsible
- High value
- Competent
- Formidable
- Kind, loving, and patient
In fact, dating a man that doesn’t embody at least most of these attributes can be downright destructive for women.
So it makes sense that they’d want to do some ‘testing’ as they navigate the dating landscape.
How do they perform these tests?
Great question!
Here’s a list of all the ways I’ve either seen, experienced, or heard of women testing men.
And some of them may surprise you.
7 Ways in Which Women Test Men (Some That You May Have Never Heard of Before)
1. Resource Acquisition Abilities
Women may assess men’s potential or actual ability to acquire resources.
This assessment could be based on a man’s ambition, status, financial security, or job stability, as these factors historically have been indicators of a man’s ability to provide for offspring.
Methods a Woman May Use to ‘Test’ These Attributes:
1. She may ask you about your career goals: A woman might inquire about a man’s career aspirations to gauge his ambition and potential for resource acquisition.
2. She’ll pay close attention to how you plan the date: Noting whether a man plans dates that show thoughtfulness and investment can be a way to assess his resourcefulness and willingness to invest resources.
3. She may engage you in conversations about ‘financial management’: Engaging in conversations about financial planning or attitudes toward money to understand his financial stability and responsibility.
2. Protection and Physical Attributes
Physical strength, health, and overall physical attractiveness can be viewed as indicators of good genes and the ability to protect a mate and offspring.
While not always a “test” per se, preferences for these traits can influence mate selection.
Methods a Woman May Use to ‘Test’ These Attributes:
1. She may ‘hint’ at physical activities: Some women may suggest taking part in activities like hiking or sports to observe physical fitness and stamina.
2. She may observe your protective instincts: Noting how a man responds to potentially dangerous or uncomfortable situations (like confrontation with strangers or even other members of their peer group) during dates can help women to gauge whether or not she may comfortably feel ‘safe’ with him.
3. She may make physical comments or ‘challenges’: Sometimes, women may mention particular scenarios (like doing push ups, pull ups, fighting other men, history of physical competition, etc.) that involve physical strength or endurance to see if the man reacts (or maybe even chooses to prove himself).
3. Commitment and Investment Indicators
Women may look for signs that a man is willing to commit to a long-term relationship and invest resources in their potential offspring.
This can include displays of emotional attachment, willingness to spend time and resources, and signals of fidelity.
Methods a Woman May Use to ‘Test’ These Attributes:
1. She may discuss future plans: She may bring up future events or plans to see if he includes her or considers long-term possibilities together.
2. She’ll pay attention to effort spent on communication: Women almost always pay attention to how often and thoughtfully the man initiates communication or makes an effort to stay in touch.
3. She may share personal challenges with him: She may share a problem or concern to see if he offers support, empathy, and investment in her well-being.
4. She may ‘tease’ him sexually without following through: Women may do this in order to gauge that the man is ‘man enough,’ ‘wants her enough,’ and is ‘brave enough’ to pursue her sexually and demonstrate that he’s not afraid to make a move and follow through on it.
4. Social Status and Competence
Men’s social standing, leadership qualities, and social intelligence might be assessed as indicators of their ability to navigate social environments effectively, which can have direct and indirect benefits for potential mates and offspring.
Methods a Woman May Use to ‘Test’ These Attributes:
1. She will observe social interactions: Women pay close attention to how men interact with others in social settings, such as parties or group outings, to gauge social skills and status. She’ll examine how other people relate to him (Are they impressed? Do they like him? Do they think she’s ‘amazing’ for snagging such an ‘amazing’ man?)
2. She will discuss social issues: Women are highly likely to engage in conversations about complex social issues to assess their date’s intelligence, insight, and competence in social matters.
3. She will look for leadership qualities: Women are likely to try to ascertain (through observation) whether the man takes initiative or demonstrates leadership in appropriate situations, indicating social competence.
5. Compatibility and Personality Traits
Traits such as kindness, a good sense of humor, intelligence, and reliability might be evaluated during the courtship phase.
These traits can indicate a partner’s compatibility and potential for a cooperative and harmonious relationship.
Methods a Woman May Use to ‘Test’ These Attributes:
1. She may share social interests and hobbies with him: Introducing him to her interests or hobbies is a great way to see if he shows genuine interest or willingness to share and engage in activities together.
2. She may initiate disagreements: Paying attention to how he handles disagreements or conflicts, looking for traits like empathy, respect, and the ability to compromise, are seen by women as fantastic ways to gauge a man’s ability to work together with a partner in the future.
3. She may try to make him laugh: Noting whether or not they share a similar sense of humor can be a strong indicator of compatibility.
4. She may ‘challenge him’ or act ‘bratty’: A lot of women will initiate borderline ‘inappropriate’ behavior toward men they’re dating from time to time to see if they’re strong enough to handle it in a graceful, masculine, and healthy leadership-oriented fashion. Women know that they tend to be prone to strong emotional reactions, and they desire male partners whom they can trust to handle such ‘outbursts’ when they occur in real time.
6. Jealousy as an Indicator of Value and Commitment
Expressions of jealousy can sometimes serve as indicators of mate value and commitment.
However, excessive jealousy can also be a red flag, signaling potentially controlling or abusive behavior.
Methods a Woman May Use to ‘Test’ These Attributes:
1. She may mention that other men are interested in her: Subtly mentioning that other men have shown interest can be a great way to observe his reaction, looking for a balanced response that indicates value without possessiveness. If a man ‘freaks out’ about other men being interested, it’s a sure sign of low self-value and the potential for unattractive (or potentially dangerous) clinginess.
2. She’ll watch his social media activity: Women are highly likely to pay very close attention to how the man they like reacts to their interactions with male friends on social media, looking for signs of healthy versus unhealthy jealousy. They’re also highly likely to watch how the man engages with other women to assess his commitment levels to her.
3. She’ll discuss dating and relationship boundaries: Having conversations about boundaries and interactions with the man she’s dating is a great way for a woman to gauge his views on trust and jealousy.
7. Mate Poaching and Retention Efforts
Women might observe how men react to competition from other males or their efforts to retain a mate.
These behaviors can provide insights into a man’s commitment and the value he places on the relationship.
Methods a Woman May Use to ‘Test’ These Attributes:
1. She’ll observe how he reacts to other men paying attention to her: Noting how he reacts to other men showing her attention empowers her to look for signs of confidence and secure mate retention strategies.
2. She may discuss past relationships with him: Sharing general experiences from past relationships may be a great way to see how he discusses ex-partners and relationship dynamics—which can inform her about the nature of his mate retention strategies.
3. She may engage him in ‘commitment’ discussions: Initiating discussions about commitment and exclusivity helps women to observe the man’s willingness to invest in the relationship and deter potential mate poaching. A lot of women will ‘hint’ at this leading up to a more definitive ‘relationship commitment’ discussion, where they will eventually put their foot down and say something like: “I require commitment or I’m not going to continue this relationship with you. I don’t want to get led on.”
Note: Learn all about how to handle this type of conversation in our in-depth dating course.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, I really just have one piece of advice for men who are being tested:
This is a fantastic opportunity to level up, learn about women, become a better man, and to recognize that if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be testing you.
Don’t get mad, upset, frustrated, or insulted at the fact that she’s testing you.
Instead, take the tests in stride. Allow yourself to be amused, but also navigate them like a truly strong, stoic, masculine man.
If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t go to the trouble.
So take it as a compliment, learn from every
You’ve got this.
Go with grace, and never give up your power.
