I used to really struggle with texting women.
In fact—when I tried to date again after my divorce, I usually felt like even getting a woman to text me back felt like pulling teeth.
It was like magic (or maybe more like a curse). Every time I started texting a woman, the conversation would die out—and she would ghost or disengage.
For a while, I blamed women.
“Why are all of these women so difficult to talk to? What’s wrong with women these days? They don’t even know how to have a polite conversation over text anymore.”
But over time, I figured out that women actually weren’t the problem.
See, I was doing almost everything wrong.
I was texting too often. I was acting clingy, needy, and desperate, and I was failing at even the most basic text-game strategies.
But once I began learning what women think, feel, and desire when texting a man, I started to back-engineer that understanding to help me improve my text game.
Everything started to change.
Nowadays, my text conversations with women are pleasurable, fun, sexy, flirtatious, and full of energy.
It’s literally a night and day difference from what it used to be.
And honestly, a big part of the process is figuring out which women to text to begin with.
The answer is simple:
- If she likes you (and if you like her), text her (using correct text game principles)
- If she’s not into you, don’t waste your time (only invest in women who also want to invest in you)
But how will you know if she’s vibing with you when the only information available is your text conversation?
This is a great question.
And in this guide, you’re going to learn exactly what to look for to figure out if she really likes you over text.
But if you really want to rapidly improve your texting game to the point where your responses are auto-pilot-optimal, I strongly recommend that you check out OPTIONS via Dating Metrics.
It’s the best texting course for men I’ve seen because it literally guides you to develop a whole new flirty and fun texting personality that will have women craving texts from you. If your text game is weak, it’ll be a complete switch for you.
How to Tell If a Girl Likes You Over Text Quiz
The Best Way to Understand if She Likes You via Text: Reading the ‘Energy’
This ‘texting’ business is tricky.
So before you dive into it, you should take a few minutes to familiarize yourself with the basics.
Here’s a guide to help you get started: How to Text a Girl: 35 Texts That Will Make Her Want You.
But as a basic, general guideline—the most fundamental way to conceptualize the proper strategy is to view every text exchange as an energy exchange.
- It takes a certain amount of energy to send a one-word reply 2 to 3 hours after the initial question
- It takes more energy to reply to that text within 5 or 10 minutes
- It takes considerably more energy to send a well-thought-out paragraph
- It takes even more energy to double text, to be vulnerable, to flirt, to send nudes, etc.
So whenever you’re texting with a woman, you should always try to be aware of the energy levels and use this as a baseline determining factor to figure out if she’s into you enough to justify continuing to invest in the conversation.
How much energy should she be investing?
She should be investing at least as much energy as you (when you’re using proper text game and not being clingy, needy, etc.). Or, preferably, she’ll be investing even more into the conversation than you (broadcasting that she’s really into you).
This simple litmus
This is a key dating principle overall, not just for texting, and one I touch on frequently in my in-depth Dating & Masculinity Transformation Package, freshly released in March 2023.
You’ll get a lot of value out of it if you want to get better at building attraction with women.
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How to Tell If a Girl Likes You Over Text: 13 Surefire Signs
1. She Takes the Initiative
Now, don’t get it twisted. As men, the responsibility of taking the initiative when we start talking to a woman rests on our shoulders.
As a man, you should send the first text to kick things off.
But when a woman is really into you, she’ll find reasons to text you first on days when she hasn’t heard from you—and honestly, this is one of the best signs that she’s probably really vibing with you.
2. She Texts Back Quickly
If you’re running into the issue of her not texting you back quickly (or at all), then you may have a real problem on your hands.
The simple truth is that women generally text back quickly (within 20 minutes or so) when they’re into you.
Here’s a guide that’ll give you some information about what to do if you run into this problem: 7 Things to Do When a Girl Doesn’t Text You Back and What It Means.
3. She Sends More Than One Text
Whether it’s double texting, triple texting, or even ‘walls of text’—if she’s into you, she’ll probably be dying to talk to you—and this often leads to back-to-back messages.
If she’s double or triple texting you, you can be pretty sure that she’s into you. Women certainly don’t tend to double-text men they don’t want to talk to.
4. She Tells You About Her Feelings
This is a big one.
Women tend to be pretty guarded with their feelings when communicating with men they’re not interested in.
Because they won’t want to make emotional investments into men they don’t see a future with.
5. She Sends You Memes, Videos, Social Media Posts, Etc.
Nowadays, memes and funny videos/posts are truly a love language all their own.
Some women are really into this.
I once dated a woman who sent me funny memes all the time.
Sometimes, I would wake up to 6, 7, or 8 TikTok videos waiting for me in our feed (this was how I knew that she’d gone on a ‘TikTok binge’ the night before).
But there was a reason for this.
She was admittedly really into me—and whenever she saw a video that reminded her of me, or a video that she thought I would like—she would invest that extra energy to forward it to me.
6. She Includes You in Her Day
If she often sends you ‘updates’ about her day, you can trust that she’s not just doing it out of boredom.
Women rarely invest this kind of time and energy into a guy unless there’s a deeper motivation.
Now, you do need to be careful here. Some women will friendzone a guy and text him a lot so as not to ‘overdo it’ with the man they actually like.
But if this ‘text update’ behavior is accompanied by other signs of investment, you can be pretty sure that she wants to be more than friends.
To gain some clarity on where you stand, visit this guide: 12 Signs She Doesn’t Like You More Than a Friend.
7. She Sends Explicit Pictures
If she’s popping off slightly randy selfies as she’s getting ready for work or fresh out of the shower, that’s a pretty sure-fire sign that she wants to show you more.
Women definitely don’t send sexy selfies to the men in their friendzone.
They only put this kind of effort and energy into men they’re actually interested in sleeping with.
Learn how to take this kind of action to the next level in this guide: How to Seduce a Woman into Bed the Right Way.
8. Her Texts Are Long and Well-Thought-Out
If a woman sends you one-word text messages or messages that otherwise seem short-winded and/or lazy, you can pretty much bet that she’s putting all of that missing energy into someone else.
By contrast—if her texts to you are well-thought-out, and if it feels like she’s putting real, actual effort into them—that’s a great sign.
9. She Texts You More Than You Text Her
Men, this is a really important rule.
The woman should always be texting you more than you’re texting her.
I live by the 2-to-3 rule.
For every 3 messages a woman sends me, I’ll average 2 messages in response.
This is important because women are naturally sexually abundant, while men are naturally sexually scarce.
But high-value men (the men women desire and crave) are an exception to this rule. They’re the top percentile of men that most women want, who have achieved true sexual abundance by virtue of their value.
Thus—they should be pickier and choosier about the women they invest in.
And you always want to make sure you’re putting yourself into this bracket.
So in order to make sure that she’s really invested in you, it’s crucial that you require her to display that effort before you actually give her your valuable high-value male attention.
To learn more about how to become a truly high-value top-percentile man, read this guide: 31 Ways to Become a Better Man Starting Today.
10. She Flirts With You
Have you noticed that she’s been flirting with you a bit over text?
Has she been teasing you, making jokes, and dropping subtle innuendos?
These are usually signs of flirtation—and if you’re into her, they’re a very positive omen. It means that she probably feels the same way.
Read this guide to learn how to keep up the banter and take it to the next level: How to Flirt With a Girl: 8 Tips That’ll Make You a Natural.
11. She Asks You What You’re Doing
Trust me—a woman who doesn’t care about you probably won’t care where you are, what you’re doing, or who you’re with.
But if she’s into you, she’ll constantly be interested in knowing exactly what the answers to these queries are.
Think about it—if she’s into you, the worst-case scenario would be for you to be spending time around other women. And you can trust that she’s going to be putting energy into figuring out if that’s the case if she’s vibing and feeling that ‘romance’ with you.
12. She Jumps at the Chance to See You
If you hint at spending time together via text, her response will tell you a lot about how she feels about you.
If she tells you that she needs to check her schedule or if she just doesn’t seem super motivated to hang out—you can bet that she’s probably not really feeling it.
By contrast, if she seems all over the idea, and says something like:
“Yeah, I’m available anytime. Let’s do it. That would be fun!”
This is a sign that she may be hoping that you’ll ask her out, invite her over, etc.
Pro tip: Remember—as high-value men, we should only invest in women who seem absolutely excited to spend time with us. We never want to waste our valuable time, money, or energy on women who act like they’re not really into it.
To learn more about how to spot this genuine burning desire in a woman, read this guide: How to Tell if a Girl Likes You: 13 Surefire Signs.
On the opposite side of the coin, this guide will teach you how to identify when a woman is just playing games: 19 Signs She Is Pretending to Love You: Don’t Ignore These.
13. She’ll Try to Learn More About You
When a woman is interested in a man, she’ll want to keep the conversation going.
She’ll also be truly interested in his past, what he’s doing in his life, how he spends his time, what his interests are, etc.
And all of this interest will manifest itself in investigative energy.
In other words—she’ll probably try to keep the conversation going by asking you questions, engaging you, and trying to learn more about you—all at the same time.
If you need some ideas for questions to counter with, check out this awesome list of hypothetical, interesting questions.
Top 3 Things to Keep in Mind to Have Better Success When Texting Women
We’re going to bring it back to the basics here.
These general tips will help you keep your head in the right place in every type of dating/attraction situation.
But due to the limited social infrastructure of text conversations, these fundamental tips are especially relevant when you’re interacting with women via text.
1. Always Be Purpose-Focused
As high-value men, we can’t afford to be pedastalizing women or making them the focus of our mission and journey in life.
Remember—women don’t want to be the mission. They want to join a high-value man and walk alongside him as a partner and feminine helpmate—empowering him to succeed.
Because female attraction, at the core, is really a survival mechanism.
It drives women to want to mate with actual winners—the types of men who accomplish things, create value in the world, solve problems, and move humanity forward.
Learn more about how to avoid making women the focus in this guide: Oneitis: How to Stop the Obsession and Level Up Your Mindset.
If you’re lacking drive and believe it may be a chemical issue, consider seeing your doctor about getting your testosterone checked, or try a science-backed testosterone supplement like JOYMODE:
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2. Never Be Needy, Clingy, or Whiney
Listen. Women have evolved to sniff out low-value markers in men like a shark smells blood in the water.
Women despise needy, clingy, and whiney behavior.
In fact, just the other day, my girlfriend told me this as we were discussing our past dating relationships—and it was so profound that I had to write it down:
“When most men want sex, they just whine, bargain, and beg for it—and it’s so unattractive. It’ll immediately put you out of the mood.”
Men, we NEVER want to be whiny, clingy, or needy with women.
Always be ‘the man.’
Always be in control of your life and destiny.
3. Only Invest in Women Who Are Undeniably Attracted to You
This is a cardinal mistake that a lot of men make.
They try to persuade women to date them or try to talk them into having feelings or paying attention when the interest just doesn’t exist.
Attraction is like a ‘spark.’
It’s either there, or it isn’t.
The more you work on yourself as a man, the more likely it’ll be that women will find you attractive.
But it’s never a 100% surefire science or guarantee.
Some women just won’t be into it—and that’s ok.
Always minimize wasted time, effort, energy, and resources by disengaging from women who aren’t showing enough interest in you to meet your same energy level.
Save those investments for women who actually want to return your investment for a profit.
It’s like a financial investment.
Would you ever invest your money into a deal where you were highly likely to get less money back than you invested to begin with?
Probably not. The whole point of an investment is to create a better return and come out even richer on the other side.
But every day, countless men make ‘bad investments’ by spending time, money, and energy on women who aren’t providing a significant return. As alpha mentality men, we don’t want to get caught in this trap.
We can’t blame women for not liking us. At that point, we can only blame ourselves for continuing to waste our precious time on women who aren’t showing us that they have true, genuine burning desire for us.
Here’s one final piece of advice to help you really bring it all home.
Never get so caught up in your text conversations with women that they become a priority.
Keep investing in yourself, your life, your family, your friends, your pets, your career, etc. And treat text conversations with women as what they are—just a tech-savvy way to engage with ladies in those ‘spare moments’ in between important tasks.
Be ready to drop interactions that don’t seem promising.
And reserve your valuable masculine investments for the women who really prove they’re worth the time.
For more tips on how to be a successful man, make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel.
Go with grace, and never give up your power.
How do you tell if a girl likes you over text but is hiding it?
Sometimes, girls will try to ‘play it cool’ over text, and this can be confusing. To figure out if she’s actually into you, pay attention to the messages that she does send you. Are they well-thought-out and well-articulated? Does it seem like she put real energy and effort into them?
If so, it’s a sign that talking to you matters to her.
What are the signs that an introverted girl likes you over text?
Introverted girls sometimes struggle with texting because they may fear that if they text too much, they’ll annoy you or run you off. Once again, just pay attention to the quality of her messages. If she seems to put real effort into her correspondence, she likely cares more than she’s letting on.
How do you ask a girl if she likes you without being obvious over text?
From a strategic standpoint, you should never ask a girl if she likes you—ever. And honestly, it’s important to get to the point in your life where you don’t even need to ask this question. As a high value man, you should always be confident that you’re a prize—and act accordingly.
Asking a woman if she likes you will send low-value markers and make you look like you lack confidence. So instead of asking, you can just watch her behavior.
Remember, women don’t do anything by accident. If she’s investing time and energy into a conversation with you, and seems to text you back quickly and with well-thought-out messages—there’s a good chance that she’s vibing with you.
So just be cool and confident, and ask her out.