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6 Secrets Women Don’t Want Men to Know (From a Dating Coach)

Embrace these and you shall prosper.

Joshua Sigafus
Expertise:

Dating, Relationships

Joshua has 15 years of writing experience within the complex territories of dating, masculinity, and relationships. His own personal life journey was kick-started by a pivotal marital breakdown of his own and led him down a path of self-discovery and masculine transformation, culminating in him developing a career as a men's dating coach. Read full bio.


Last Updated: Apr 7, 2024
10 min read

I love women. I’m not bitter toward women or upset by them. 

I don’t believe they’re evil or terrible creatures. 

I think they’re wonderful and beautiful, and a male life lived without the feminine grace and beauty of female company would, in my mind, be a life quite wasted. 

However, I’ve put a tremendous amount of work, energy, study, research, trial and error, and experience into trying to decipher female behavior.

In the beginning, this was all done out of a desire to learn more about them so that I could have better relationships. 

And along the way, I learned some secrets that a lot of people (men and women both) sometimes want to ignore due to the fact that they can seem harsh. 

And yet, ignorance of these secrets can absolutely sabotage any man’s dating and relationship life. 

In this post, I’m going to share some hard truths and secrets that women don’t want men to know. 

Not only are you going to learn about the secrets themselves, but you’re also going to gain some insight into why living as a truly evolutionarily masculine man actually serves as the ‘antidote’ to all of the problems that can arise as a result.

In fact, I’m going to go even a step further and say that most of these secrets are truths that even women don’t want to believe about themselves. 

1. Women Will Usually Cheat on You or Leave You If They Get a Chance to Be with Someone Better

a womans loyalty

Summarization: Women’s loyalty is often conditional, based on securing the best possible partner they can.

Translation: When a woman says, “I’m committed to our relationship,” she often means, “I’m committed as long as you remain the best option available to me.”

This behavior is often referred to as ‘monkey branching’ or ‘relationship hopping’. Many women will deny this as a fundamental aspect of female behavior, but evolutionary psychology suggests otherwise. 

Women, driven by millions of years of evolution, often seek the best available partner in the sexual marketplace. This doesn’t, however, necessarily mean they’ll pursue every attractive opportunity, as there’s an instinctual cost-benefit analysis at play.

A woman may choose to cheat or leave if she’s assured of a more favorable situation, one where the perceived benefits significantly outweigh the risks or costs of leaving her current relationship. 

This decision is often more about pragmatic loyalty to her own well-being rather than a reflection of her feelings for her current partner. 

Her loyalty often hinges on the belief that she won’t find a better option, so she adheres to the rules of the relationship to not jeopardize what she has. It’s a pragmatic loyalty, rooted in the desire to secure the best possible outcome for herself.

Implication for Non-Masculine Men: Can lead them to falsely assume unwavering loyalty, potentially blindsiding them if their partner finds a better option.

Evolutionary Masculine Perspective: A man confident in his evolutionary masculinity sees this as motivation to continually improve and maintain his high value, ensuring he remains the best choice for his partner. This outlook drives personal growth and strengthens the relationship.

2. Women Actually Don’t Care about Men’s Feelings

Summarization: Women prioritize their own security and the strength of their partner over men’s emotional expressions.

Translation: When a woman encourages you to be open with your feelings, she typically means she wants to know you’re emotionally stable and secure, not vulnerable.

This one’s going to hurt a bit. If you’re a sensitive man who believes in expressing feelings openly, here’s the hard truth: the woman you’re romantically involved with likely doesn’t prioritize your feelings as much as her own security and your status in life as a powerful, successful, self-respecting man.

Women are evolutionarily wired to seek safety and security, typically beside the highest value man they can attract and retain. 

This hard truth is often denied by many women, though it’s a reality I’ve confirmed through my own experiences, coaching, and numerous honest discussions with women.

Let me be clear: if your expression of feelings enhances her sense of comfort, safety, and security in the relationship, she’ll care and show empathy. 

But if it undermines her sense of security, don’t expect a favorable response. 

At best, she might resent you for perceived weakness; at worst, she could view you as a lesser man, impacting her respect and attraction towards you.

Unfortunately, the type of empathy you might hope for is often reserved for beings not in the protector or provider role (cuddly pets, children, girlfriends, etc.). 

The role women expect men to play often precludes them from seeing their partners in a vulnerable, empathetic light.

Implication for Non-Masculine Men: Can lead to oversharing vulnerabilities, inadvertently diminishing their attractiveness and stability in the eyes of their partner.

Evolutionary Masculine Perspective: Understands that his role as a provider and protector is paramount. He sees emotional strength and stability as key to providing security, which fosters a deeper, more trusting bond.

3. A Lot of Men’s Efforts Are Not Noticed or Appreciated

woman upset by mans emotions

Summarization: Women often see a man’s contributions as ‘expected’ while at the same time desiring high praise for their own contributions.

Translation: When a woman says “I do appreciate you,” what she often means is “I expect you to do that because it’s your job, and the fact that you’re asking for appreciation is emotionally confusing and makes me uncomfortable.”

While it’s true that both men and women might overlook each other’s contributions in a relationship to a certain point, I’ve observed that women often perceive their own contributions as more significant. 

They expect a high level of performance from men as a norm, while seeking praise for their own efforts, which they don’t view as equally standard.

With that being said, here’s the key to overcoming this issue:

A masculine man should see his contributions as a given, without expecting praise, and consistently acknowledge and appreciate the woman’s efforts. 

This aligns with the leadership principle where the masculine leads and the feminine seeks validation. Following this natural order tends to make women happier and more secure in the relationship.

Conversely, men who seek validation for their ‘normal’ contributions often come off as needy, leading to a loss of respect from women. It’s not necessarily fair, but it aligns with the natural dynamics of human evolution. 

Embrace this reality, or risk being perceived negatively by the women you date.

Implication for Non-Masculine Men: Failing to recognize this can result in them feeling unappreciated and developing resentment, eroding the relationship foundation.

Evolutionary Masculine Perspective: Views his efforts as a natural responsibility and doesn’t seek constant validation. This self-assuredness and resilience can be attractive and reassuring to a female partner. This ‘sacrifice’ must also be balanced by the man always taking charge in the relationship and seeing to it that his needs are proactively met as a natural extension of radical self responsibility.

4. Women Are, for the Most Part, Slaves to Their Feelings

Summarization: Women are typically more emotionally driven than men, influencing their behavior and decision-making.

Translation: When a woman chooses to argue, cause conflict, or start drama, it’s sometimes done out of a natural inclination to ‘help her be right and win’ in the situation, rather than trying to achieve a logical end point. This is because women evolved to protect themselves while men evolved to solve problems.

While everyone experiences emotions, it’s understood that women exhibit a greater emotional intensity than men. 

Expecting women to always think or react rationally overlooks their inherent emotional nature. On average, men lean towards rational thinking, whereas women are often guided more by their emotions. 

This isn’t intended to be insulting or controversial. Embracing this difference within the masculine-feminine dynamic can enhance relationships, as it acknowledges and respects these natural tendencies.

However, challenging this dynamic and adopting a more feminine-centric approach can lead to conflicts and relationship difficulties. 

A man who understands and respects these inherent differences while living true to a healthy, masculine role is likely to experience more harmonious and successful relationships with women. Ignoring these fundamental differences, on the other hand, often leads to misunderstandings and emotional disconnects.

Implication for Non-Masculine Men: Failing to understand this emotional depth can lead them to misinterpret or dismiss women’s feelings, resulting in emotional disconnect and conflict.

Evolutionary Masculine Perspective: Appreciates this emotional depth, seeing it as a complement to his rationality. He understands that this balance can lead to a harmonious and dynamic relationship.

5. Women Are Offended by Men Who ‘Need’ Them

Summarization: Women generally prefer men who are self-reliant and capable of leading, finding dependency unattractive.

Translation: When a woman says, “I want a partner who’s in touch with his needs,” she often means, “I want a partner who understands his needs but doesn’t rely on me to fulfill them.”

When a woman perceives the need to support a man significantly, whether emotionally, physically, or financially, it often leads to her feeling offended. 

This reaction, once again, stems from an evolutionary need for security within the relationship. 

If a man fails to lead, take charge, and shoulder the majority of responsibilities, it can make a woman feel unsafe and forced to assume a role she resents.

The key is for the man to be the decisive leader and consistently put in more effort—at least 51%—in all aspects of the relationship. 

When a woman observes her man as the primary contributor and protector, it fulfills her need for security and aligns with the natural masculine-feminine dynamic, leading to a more harmonious relationship.

Implication for Non-Masculine Men: Those who fail to recognize this may overburden their partners with their needs, leading to a loss of respect and attraction in the relationship.

Evolutionary Masculine Perspective: Values independence and strength, recognizing that being a reliable and stable leader in the relationship is key to mutual respect and admiration.

6. Women Will Eat You Alive If You Show Weakness

woman angry at man

Summarization: Perceived weakness in men is a major turn-off for women, often leading to a loss of respect and attraction.

Translation: If a woman says, “I want you to be vulnerable with me,” she usually means, “I want you to share your emotions because I want to know if I’m still safe with you. But I still want you to maintain your strength and decisiveness, and I can’t handle you relying on me for those things.”

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. 

Women smell weakness like a shark smells blood in the water, and it drives them into a killing frenzy. 

I don’t mean ‘killing’ in the literal sense, of course. I mean killing as in ‘they’ll want to kill the relationship because they’ll find it gross and scary.’

Women might appreciate emotional expression in men, but this doesn’t extend to signs of weakness. 

They often say they value men who can show their emotions, but the underlying expectation is that these men remain strong, in control, and powerful.

This preference is rooted in evolutionary instincts. Women prioritize safety and security, which they associate with strength on the part of their male partner. 

Perceived weakness in a man can lead to loss of respect and trust, jeopardizing the relationship’s stability. In extreme cases, it might even lead to infidelity or a breakup, as a woman’s instinctual need for a strong partner will almost always override her emotional attachment.

Implication for Non-Masculine Men: Misinterpreting this desire for vulnerability can come across as overly weak, which might lead to relationship instability and potential breakups.

Evolutionary Masculine Perspective: Views strength (both physical and emotional) as essential. He understands that showing resilience and fortitude is attractive and reassuring to his partner.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, the message is simple:

Understanding and embracing the nuanced differences in male and female dynamics, rooted in evolutionary behaviors, can profoundly enhance relationship satisfaction and stability for men who adopt a perspective of evolutionary masculinity.

Yes, these secrets may be confusing. But once you take the natural evolutionary masculine-feminine paradigm into account, it all becomes simple. 

And when you embrace the truth and act it out in your life as a man, you won’t need to fear these ‘secrets’ anymore, as they’ll actually become helpful, pleasurable, and positive instead of problematic. 

Go with grace, gentlemen, and never give up your power.