Getting stuck in the friend zone with a woman can be confusing.
Trust me, I know. This used to happen to me all the time.
When you want something more serious with a woman, but feel like all you get are mixed signals, you may feel like throwing your hands up in frustration.
And it certainly doesn’t help that women are inherently difficult for us men to read—even on a good day.
So here’s the real question.
How can you tell for sure if she doesn’t like you more than a friend?
Well in this post, you’re about to learn 12 signs that’ll give it to you straight.
Keep in mind that not every one of these signs is a hard and fast rule.
But if you see more than a couple of them taking shape in your interactions with her, it’s a pretty strong sign that she’s avoiding the ‘girlfriend zone’ and erring more toward the ‘friendship zone.’
Let’s dig in and talk about it.
12 Signs She Doesn’t Like You More than a Friend
She Takes Her Time to Get Back to You
If you often text, call, or message her, only to have her either ignore your attempts at communication or take forever to get back to you—that’s a strong indication that she doesn’t see you as boyfriend material.
When a woman likes a guy and feels attracted to him, she’ll move heaven and earth to be near him.
And generally, that includes responding to his messages and communications as quickly as possible.
If getting back to you and responding to messages doesn’t seem to be a high priority to her, you may want to consider moving on and looking for a lady who’s more interested in you.
She Offhandedly Refers to You as a ‘Friend’
Does she often greet you via text with messages like “hey friend, how’s it going?”
I hate to say it, but this is a bad sign.
Women who want to be your girlfriend won’t address you this way, because they won’t want you to even contemplate it as a possibility.
They want you to be thinking of them as girlfriend or wife material. And thus, they’ll avoid using the ‘friend’ verbiage.
If she offhandedly refers to you as a friend in her communication with you, or introduces you as such to her friends or family—that’s about the surest sign there is that she doesn’t think of you as actual ‘boyfriend material.’
She Encourages You to Hit On Other Women
Her: Hey, do you think that waitress is hot?
You: Maybe. She’s alright.
Her: You should totally get her number, you’d make an awesome boyfriend.
Men, if she uses lines like this on you, and isn’t currently banging you—take the hint.
She’s pretty much all but telling you that she wants to see you with another woman.
Because she probably legitimately thinks of you as a friend and wants you to be happy.
But here’s the caveat:
She doesn’t want to be the girl who takes you off the market.
She Talks Fondly to You about Her Ex
If you find yourself hanging out with a woman who pretty much constantly reminisces in a positive way about her ex, there’s a strong possibility that not only is she not over him yet, but that she’s using you as a sounding board for her feelings for another man.
It’s not as uncommon as you might think for women to want to get back with their ex after the end of a relationship.
If you meet a woman like this, who talks this way about her ex, it’s a pretty sure sign that she’s not ready for anything new with anyone else.
It’s also a pretty good sign that even if she was ready for something new with someone else, you wouldn’t be the ‘someone’ she’d be interested in.
If you were, she’d be trying to get with you. Not talking about her ex.
She Tries Not to Be Alone with You
Group dates can be fun.
Hanging out as a couple on a date, while also spending time with your mutual circle of friends, can be a fun way to build connection and intimacy.
However, it’s also crucial that the two of you desire to spend some time alone as well.
If you find that you seem to desire ‘alone time’ more than she does, odds are good that the two of you aren’t on the same page.
She Only Comes around When She Wants Something
I used to have a friend who had a weakness for getting into these types of ‘quasi one-sided situationships.’
Women would accept invites to dinner dates with him, hang out with him, and talk with him on the phone—just enough to make him think that there was hope for something more.
But then, when it really came down to it, and when he tried to escalate things, they’d back away, say they weren’t ready, and give him some excuse for why they needed to wait and take things slow.
In the meantime, they’d asked him for all kinds of favors. They’d ask for rides, get him to buy them food, beg him to help them move furniture, and even ask him to babysit their pets.
Then, one day, he’d get some version of this message:
“Sorry, I can’t hang out with you anymore. I started seeing someone and I want to respect our relationship.”
Needless to say, this ended up leaving him feeling used and frustrated, and for good reason.
She Shies Away from Physical Contact
When a woman desires a man, she’ll crave his touch. She’ll want him to put his hands on her.
She’ll long for his kisses, and fantasize about his caresses.
But the cold hard truth of the matter is that women only desire this with men they’re intensely sexually attracted to.
On the other hand, if she only thinks of you as a friend, she’s going to be pretty ‘weirded out’ and uncomfortable if you try to escalate, flirt, or initiate physical contact.
If she leans away or intentionally ‘disengages’ from physical touch instead of leaning in, making eye contact, and showing you that she wants it—well, that’s a pretty surefire sign that she thinks of you as a friend, not as a boyfriend.
She Acts Weird If You Mention Dating
Does she seem to enjoy hanging out with you now and then, but often dips out or avoids the question if you ask about something more?
Here’s the thing. Women actually do enjoy being friends with men.
Because we’re awesome, and make fantastic friends.
In fact, male-female friendships can offer a lot of value to both parties.
But the feeling needs to be mutual in order for those types of friendships to work.
If she wants a friendship and you want more, it’s not going to be a fulfilling or rewarding exchange for you.
But a lot of women will try to avoid the conversation, because they don’t want to lose the benefits of your friendship.
She Gets Easily Distracted By Other Things
Does she tend to act really hot and cold toward you, seemingly based on whether or not she has anything ‘better’ going on in her life?
Does she get easily distracted by messages on her phone, friends popping up out of nowhere, or invites that other people (especially men) are sending her while the two of you are hanging out together?
It’s really easy to tell when someone genuinely wants to spend time with you.
They’ll put aside the distractions, and they’ll focus on you—because you actually matter to them.
This behavior is really hard to fake, and most people don’t even try.
So if she’s acting distracted while she hangs out with you, odds are good that you’re just a fun filler piece.
This isn’t a dating relationship. This is called a one sided friendship.
She Fantasizes Out Loud about ‘Men She’d Like to Date’
If she’s constantly talking about other men who are messaging her, engaging with her, matching with her on apps, or even sleeping with her, that’s a pretty direct indication that you’re not what she considers ‘boyfriend material.’
She probably thinks of you more as a sounding board to listen to her dating adventures.
Maybe she likes the attention you give her, or maybe she just likes to brag about how ‘in-demand’ she is.
Maybe telling you about these men raises her self esteem and gives her confidence.
But the truth is that she wouldn’t be talking about those other guys if she was actually interested in more than friendship with you.
She’s Not Genuinely Interested in Your Life, Feelings, or Goals
Does she interrupt you while you’re talking about your dreams or passions?
Does she seem to get bored when you’re sharing your own thoughts or feelings?
Does it seem like she only really cares about things she likes, and gets bored or doesn’t listen to the things you like?
If so, you can be pretty sure that there’s no real sexual desire going on.
Maybe she’s hanging out with you because she doesn’t have anything better to do, or maybe she enjoys the way you respond when she talks about herself.
But here’s the thing.
A woman who desires you will actually want to listen to you and understand you.
If she’s not doing this, she’s likely not the kind of high value woman you’d want to be spending your time, money, and affection on anyway.
She Tells You That She Only Thinks of You as a Friend
Last but not least, this is the most obvious sign of all.
This is a direct communication approach—where she literally tells you, with her own spoken words, that she doesn’t want anything more than friendship with you.
A lot of men hate to hear this.
And sometimes, as men, we like to think that we can change a woman’s mind when she drops the dreaded “I don’t want to lose you as a friend” line.
But let me ask you a question.
If a woman is literally telling you that she doesn’t want anything more than friendship with you, do you really want to change her mind?
Wouldn’t you rather spend your time pursuing women who actually crave you and want to be your girlfriend?
If she tells you that she’s not interested, does so in a straightforward fashion, and makes no bones about it—be thankful for her honesty, and kindly take the hint.
Bid her farewell, and move on with your life.
You can’t negotiate desire.
It’s either organic, or it’s not. And if it’s not there, there’s nothing to be done but to bid her farewell and move along.
There you have it.
12 signs that she doesn’t like you as more than a friend.
I know it sucks.
When you’re into a woman and get a chance to date her, there’s always that hope that she’ll reciprocate.
But here’s the truth.
The more you work on yourself, and the more you focus on becoming a better man in all areas of your life, the more high value, beautiful women will find you attractive.
So get out there, start working on yourself, and put in the elbow grease required to become a truly high value man.
It matters, and it’s worth it.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.