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 /  Dating

How to Make Girls Chase You: 8 Key Principles From a Dating Coach

Joshua Sigafus

Dating, Relationships

Joshua has 15 years of writing experience within the complex territories of dating, masculinity, and relationships. His own personal life journey was kick-started by a pivotal marital breakdown of his own and led him down a path of self-discovery and masculine transformation, culminating in him developing a career as a men's dating coach. Read full bio.

Last Updated: Nov 16, 2023
10 min read
Key Takeaways

Embrace genuine self-confidence, prioritize personal growth, and lead with purpose in your life. Engage with her authentically, valuing her essence without projecting desperation. By showcasing your unique qualities and giving her room to see your value, you’ll increase the odds that she’ll crave a closer bond with you and feel compelled to seek it out of her own volition.

Back before I really learned how to date successfully, I was what I would describe as a ‘chronic chaser.’

I constantly chased attention, connection, approval, validation, and intimacy with the women I wanted to date.

However, there are several reasons for why this isn’t a good strategy for men—and truthfully, this mindset led only to disaster in my own dating life.

Thankfully, through research, study, practice, and plenty of trial and error, I figured out how to turn things around. 

I went from being the type of man who constantly chased female attention to being the type of man women often pursued and sought attention from.

As with most things related to dating success, the answer to making this shift is simple, but not necessarily easy.

In this guide, I’m going to share everything you need to know to start making this change in your own dating life, starting today.

Let’s dive in.

Should You Ever Do the Chasing?

women evolved to be suspicious of men who chase

As a man, it’s in your best interest to take upon yourself the responsibility of making the first move when it comes to engaging with potential dating partners.

It’s also your responsibility as a man to place yourself in situations where you’ll have ample opportunities to engage with beautiful women in the sexual marketplace.

However, do not mistake this for chasing women.

There’s a significant difference between chasing women as a function of seeking their approval, validation, and attention—versus building yourself up to become a self-validated man who’s not afraid to approach, engage, connect with, and date women in abundance.

Essentially, the distinction boils down to this:

  • If you’re a high-value man acting in confidence and abundance, taking the initiative to approach and engage with beautiful women is actually synonymous with taking masculine ownership of the dating process.
  • However, if you’re a man who struggles with self-validation and self-assurance, and are constantly ‘chasing women’ with the hope or desire of gaining the validation and assurance you lack, then you’re probably broadcasting unattractive, needy, low-value markers and decreasing your odds of dating success.

This is important because women are actually drawn to confident, self-assured, masculine men who don’t need to chase women to be happy or feel good about themselves. 

And almost ironically, by contrast, women tend to get the ‘ick’ with men who ‘try too hard’ as a result of being in a place of scarcity, fear of being alone, and/or not feeling confident and comfortable in their own skin (i.e. needing a woman’s approval to feel like a ‘real man’). 

Understanding the Danger of the ‘Chasing Women’ Mindset

The best way to describe the process of getting women to chase you is to think about it in terms of fear and scarcity versus abundance and power.

Fear and Scarcity

Hastily swiping and messaging on dating apps out of a fear of being alone, and/or showering women with compliments (simping) because you’re afraid that they’ll reject you if you don’t are perfect examples of living in a fear and scarcity-based mindset in regards to dating.

A man living in this type of mindset will tend to chase after women desperately because he won’t feel like he’s enough for himself without a woman’s love or approval to validate him.

Abundance and Power

By contrast, being the type of man who’s self assured, comfortable with himself, and confident in his ability to succeed with women, make friends, and grow his social circle is probably going to be the type of man who’s going to be comfortable naturally and organically engaging with women, without really needing to worry about whether or not ‘any one particular’ woman is interested in him or not.

A man living in this type of mindset will be comfortable enough with himself and self-validated enough that he won’t need a woman’s approval to fill any sort of emptiness or loneliness inside of him. 

He’ll approach the dating marketplace from a place of power and abundance because he’ll have already found his own power and abundance inside of himself—and thus, he won’t need to chase women to fill any sort of ‘emptiness.’

The ‘Irony’ of Chasing Women

women are attracted to great men

And this is the great irony of the entire ‘chasing women’ issue.

Men who chase women actually try harder while succeeding less because they emanate lower value vibrations and energy than men who don’t chase.

Self assured and self-validated men, by contrast, are more likely to succeed at dating because they’re not trying so hard—and because they’re emitting vibrations and energies of power and abundance.

And women are intensely attracted to this type of masculine energy.

Alright. Now that you understand the importance of these energy dynamics, let’s talk about the key principles.

How to Get Women to Chase You: 8 Key Principles

men should make the first move not chase

1. Embrace Self-Acceptance

True confidence stems from accepting oneself, flaws and all. Recognize your strengths, acknowledge your weaknesses, and remember that self-improvement is a journey, not a destination. 

When you genuinely accept yourself, it radiates an authentic energy that women find attractive.

Note: If you want to learn what steps you can take today to start this journey, we highly recommend reading The Quick Start Guide to Improving Your Dating Life for Men. It’s filled with steps that you can start taking today to level up, embrace masculine attraction, and start becoming the type of man women actually crave and desire. 

The Quick Start Guide to Improving Your Dating Life for Men

In this 114 page PDF eBook, you’ll get a quick start dive into the Alpha Mentality self-development system that author Joshua K. Sigafus developed to reclaim his life in the wake of a failed marriage, divorce, and subsequent total life reset. This book takes you through all 9 of the vital life domains and teaches you how to become a truly attractive alpha-mentality man in your own life.

Check Price

2. Foster Inner Strength

Inner strength is not just physical—it’s also about mental resilience. It’s about having the emotional fortitude and confidence to face challenges head-on, making decisions with conviction, and maintaining boundaries. 

Women are drawn to men who exude this kind of stability and determination.

3. Embrace Genuine (Not Desperate) Engagement 

Engage with women because you appreciate their essence, not necessarily to achieve a pre-determined outcome. Authentic interactions, free from ulterior motives, foster deeper connections. 

A genuine connection always stands out more than a superficial one driven by desperation.

4. Seek Continued Self-Growth

The journey of self-improvement should never end. Always seek to learn, grow, and adapt. This dynamic approach to life not only benefits you, but is also an incredibly attractive trait to women. 

Women value men who strive for progress, showing that they won’t stagnate in life or in relationships.

5. Be the Affirmer, Not the Seeker

women desire men who can validate them

Take the initiative (and be confident enough in yourself) to validate and uplift others instead of constantly seeking validation. Being a source of affirmation for others showcases your competency and effectiveness. 

Women are naturally inclined to prefer competent, formidable, masculine, self-respecting men who can offer emotional security without constantly needing it in return.

6. Lead an Adventurous, Victorious Life

Life should be an adventure filled with victories, both big and small. By taking risks, embracing challenges, and celebrating successes, you’ll become a beacon of positivity and excitement to the ladies in your social circles. 

Women are attracted to the vibrancy of a man who leads an adventurous life—and they’re much more likely to want to join such a man on his amazing life journey.

7. Pursue Your Purpose Above All Else

A man with a clear purpose and direction in life is undeniably magnetic. Dedicate yourself to your passions and goals, showing commitment and ambition. 

Women respect and are drawn to men who have a higher purpose, understanding that such men bring purposefulness to their relationships as well.

8. Allow For Plenty of Distance to Let Women Chase You

Leading a life filled with exciting adventures naturally sparks curiosity and attraction. But as you embark on these journeys, make sure to grant women some distance. Let them recognize your value and intentionally decide to join in. 

By creating this space, you provide women the opportunity to pursue you and show you that they’d like to come along for the ride.

And trust me—when you nail all 8 of these steps and learn to live in true power and abundance, this is exactly what starts to happen:

Women will literally start to come out of the woodwork to chase and pursue you


Before we wrap it up, I’d like to give you one more piece of advice. 

Don’t overthink this ‘dating’ stuff. 

The truth of the matter is this:

If you’re engaged in the business of leveling up and striving to become the best man you can possibly be, then it’s highly likely that if you follow the steps outlined above, nature will take its course—and before you know it, you’ll have women chomping at the bit to get a shot at dating you. 

Trust me. I know from experience. 

Go with grace, and never give up your power. 


Can you make a girl chase you by ignoring her?

Sometimes, but it all depends on your broadcasted value as a man. Women won’t tend to notice men who aren’t high value enough (or attractive enough) to get on their ‘boyfriend radar.’

To learn more about this, compare our alpha male guide to our omega male guide

You should also read our female hypergamy guide to learn more about female mate selection behaviors.

How do you make a girl crave you?

To make a girl crave you, embrace self-acceptance and project genuine confidence. Engage with women authentically, appreciating their essence without necessarily being ‘goal oriented’ about dating. 

Prioritize your personal growth and passions, showcasing your adventurous spirit. And in doing so, you’ll literally create a magnetic masculine allure that’ll draw women in and make them much more likely to be curious about you—and then, crave you as a result. 

By leading and living with purpose while also granting women plenty of distance, you’ll demonstrate that you’re capable and confident while also naturally broadcasting your own worth.

This may sound like an ironic way to think about dating—but it’s the real deal.

How do I get her to chase me over text?

To get her to chase you over text, start by sending engaging and genuine messages that pique her curiosity without appearing desperate. Maintain a balance between being responsive and taking time to reply, creating a sense of mystery. 

Share snippets of your adventurous life and passions, inviting her into your world. Lastly, be an affirmer by validating her thoughts and feelings, while subtly pulling back now and then to let her initiate the conversation.

How do you get your wife to chase you?

To get your wife to chase you, recognize that marital dynamics mirror those of dating; they’re driven by attraction, respect, and connection. 

Focus on pursuing personal greatness, aligning with your life’s purpose, and consistently engaging in self-development. 

By exuding leadership, valuing yourself, and showcasing strength and capability, you’ll provide her with a sense of safety and reassurance. 

Feeling secure, cherished, and guided by your leadership will naturally intensify her attraction towards you, prompting her to seek deeper intimacy and connection.

Marriage is certainly a different ‘phase of life’ than dating, but make no mistake—it still operates on the same basic human mating behavior and tribe-building principles.