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Signs Your Husband Doesnt Value You Man Watching TV and Drinking Beer Ignoring his Wife

33 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Value You (from a Divorcée’s Perspective)

Joshua Sigafus
Expertise:

Dating, Relationships

Joshua has 15 years of writing experience within the complex territories of dating, masculinity, and relationships. His own personal life journey was kick-started by a pivotal marital breakdown of his own and led him down a path of self-discovery and masculine transformation, culminating in him developing a career as a men's dating coach. Read full bio.


Last Updated: Mar 11, 2024
21 min read
Key Takeaways

These include emotional neglect (showing little to no interest in your feelings), a consistent lack of communication (refusal to engage in meaningful conversations or to talk about things with you), and physical and/or emotional affairs with other women (i.e. cheating, infidelity). If your husband is displaying one or more of these behaviors, it’s highly likely that he doesn’t value you enough for the relationship to work and move forward in a constructive manner.

In my first marriage, I often said that I loved my wife, cared about her, and valued her. 

And yet, she constantly claimed that I didn’t ‘show it.’ 

At the time, in my young, dumb, and naive headspace, I thought she was creating problems out of nothing—and I disregarded her pleas for attention and investment. 

But as I persisted down this path, it became apparent that she was starting to pull away. And before I knew it, the marriage was over—with no hope for reconciliation or fixing the damage. 

Now, looking back on it, I can see exactly what my wife was trying to say. In our years together, I definitely didn’t value her to the level that would have been required to keep the relationship healthy and fulfilling. 

In fact, many of my behaviors sent the opposite message. Many of the choices I made and things I did, from her perspective, showed her that I actually didn’t value her as much as she deserved to be valued. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t learn this lesson until much later in life. 

And this leads to an important thing to remember:

As a woman and a wife, you deserve a relationship with your husband that makes you feel valued, treasured, loved, and cherished on a day-to-day basis. 

Anything short of this just isn’t going to work. 

But sometimes, figuring out how to ‘spot’ unhealthy and undervaluing behavior is difficult and confusing. 

So I did a deep dive, conducting research and pulling from my own experiences to help you identify, categorize, and label behaviors that don’t show the kind of value a husband should be placing on his relationship with his wife. 

This guide will explain everything. So let’s dig in. 

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Why Doesn’t Your Husband Value You? 

wanting your partner to value you

As a general rule, people are responsible for their own choices and behaviors. 

Thus, from a rational baseline perspective—if your husband has stopped treating you like a partner he loves, cares for, and values, that’s a ‘him’ problem, not a ‘you’ problem. 

With that being said, there are some things that wives might do that, if left unaddressed, could have a profound and negative impact on the relationship. 

Doing some self-evaluation is always a good thing when you’re trying to determine if you may be a contributor to the source of the issue. 

Here are five basic, condensed ranges of behaviors that could definitely threaten to undermine the way your husband perceives you. 

And if you’ve displayed these on a regular basis over the course of the relationship, it could give at least a glimpse of insight into any potential contribution you’ve made to the problem. 

But just remember—while self-reflection is always a good thing, blaming yourself for the problems probably isn’t the best first step to take. 

If your husband isn’t treating you with real love, respect, and value—that’s an indication that something is going on with him, first and foremost. 

Alright. Now, onto some self-reflection and personal troubleshooting. 

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1. Have You Been Emotionally Manipulative or Controlling?

Men tend to be straightforward creatures (most of the time). And as a general rule, they don’t take kindly to emotional manipulation or ‘controlling behavior.’ 

2. Have You Failed to Communicate Openly and Honestly?

A lack of communication was one of my primary issues in my own marriage. 

See, I thought that I was communicating well—but what I was actually doing was talking a lot about how I felt, and ignoring my wife’s feelings in response. 

This was most definitely a recipe for disaster. 

3. Have You Failed to Provide Practical and/or Emotional Support?

One of the things I love most about my girlfriend now is that she’s incredibly practically supportive. 

For the most part, our joint lives run like a well-oiled machine because we both work hard and contribute. 

And emotional support, for men, is critical. 

Why? 

Because as a general rule, men don’t get a lot of emotional support out in the ‘real world.’ So they tend to value it highly from their partner. 

4. Have You Allowed Jealousy or a Lack of Trust to Create Needless Conflict?

Now, don’t get it twisted. Some men give their wives good reason to be jealous—and that’s not cool. 

But do you find yourself getting jealous for no reason? Or, do you trust him so little that you don’t even give him any breathing room?

This can also be a recipe for impending disaster. 

5. Have You Treated Him With Disrespect or Public Humiliation?

Men value respect extremely highly—so highly, in fact, that for a man—being publicly disrespected by the woman in his life is almost always going to earn her significant negative points. 

I’ve literally ended relationships over this type of thing. Men who work hard to create value and be good partners simply won’t stand for being disrespected or humiliated—especially in public and in front of other people. 

33 Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Value You 

nobody wants to feel like they arent valued

Alright. 

With all of that being said, let’s move on to talk about his behavior.

Here are the 33 most obvious behaviors that could indicate that you’re simply not being valued as much as you should be. 

If he displays one or more of these signs on a regular basis, chances are you’re not crazy, and that you’re right in feeling that he just isn’t valuing you to the extent that you deserve to be valued in the relationship. 

1. He Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings

When a husband doesn’t care about his wife, her feelings won’t be a priority.

And if her feelings aren’t a priority—well, he obviously isn’t valuing her. 

2. He Doesn’t Want to Communicate

When men value a relationship, they’ll make a sincere effort to keep the communication alive. 

But if they don’t—they won’t. 

3. He’s Unfaithful (Emotionally or Physically)

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If a man truly values you, he’ll honor his promises and commitments—it’s as simple as that. 

4. He Says Hurtful Things to You

When a man values his wife, he’ll want to lift her up, encourage her, and fill her with confidence—not hurt her or bring her down with his words. 

5. He’s Physically Abusive

Any man who physically abuses his wife is dangerous, unstable, and in serious need of a reality check. 

This kind of behavior is NOT okay and should never be tolerated. 

6. He Tries to Control You

When a man truly values a woman, he’ll want to empower her to be independent, successful, and fulfilled in her life. 

Control is the opposite of all these things—and more often than not, controlling behavior betrays the fact that the relationship is more about what he wants than about the value he places on you

7. He Doesn’t Support You

Any man who truly values his wife will want to support her in her endeavors. 

Thus, a lack of support would imply that he may not place as much value on you as he should. 

8. He Deflects Instead of Taking Responsibility

One of the most important traits that any man should embrace is the concept of radical self-responsibility (Jocko Willink calls it extreme ownership). 

In other words—if he truly cares about you and wants to lead the relationship well, he’ll take responsibility for his shortcomings and work to change them instead of deflecting his problems back at you. 

9. He Stonewalls

Giving you the ‘silent treatment’ during important discussions is a form of emotional neglect, and indicates a serious and significant lack of interest in resolving issues. 

Simply put—if he really valued you, he wouldn’t stonewall you.  

10. He Tries to Control Your Finances

A man who values his wife will want to help her preserve her financial independence and wellness. 

Sure, he’ll advocate for healthy spending habits—but he won’t freak out at you for going out for coffee or buying something for yourself.  

By contrast—a man who seeks to control your finances is basically showing you that he cares more about himself and the ‘money’ in the relationship than he cares about your feelings. 

11. He Never Apologizes

When a man cares about your feelings and values you as a partner, he’ll want to apologize for his mistakes because he’ll want to make things right and do better in the future. 

By contrast—when a man refuses to adequately apologize for his missteps, this just shows you that he cares more about his own pride than he values you. And for obvious reasons, that’s a big problem. 

12. He Doesn’t Show Any Affection

when a man stops showing affection

Some men are more affectionate than others. 

But still—if he really values you, he’ll want to hug you, hold your hand, kiss you, etc. 

This is important stuff. And if it’s not happening, then you have a right to be concerned. 

13. He Doesn’t Trust You

A man who truly values a woman will embrace trust in her. 

This demonstrates a belief in a successful shared future together. 

If your husband doesn’t trust you, you have a right to feel undervalued. 

14. He Lacks Interest in You

Does your husband lack any and all interest in your life? 

Does he never ask you about your day, your work, your family, your friendships, etc.? 

A man who truly values his wife will display a vested interest in wanting to stay updated on the affairs of her life—even down to the minute details of stuff like how her work is going, how her friends are doing, how she’s feeling, what she’s been thinking about, etc. 

15. He Doesn’t Prioritize You

If your husband values you, you’ll be a priority, not an option. 

A man who consistently puts other things before you in his life is, unfortunately, showing you where his true values lie.

16. He Treats You in a Disrespectful Manner

Disrespect can be as telling as neglect. 

The way he treats you reflects how much he values you—and disrespect (either in public or in private) is a big-time red flag.

17. He’s Never Willing to Compromise

A loving relationship is built on give and take—and there’s a good reason for this. 

When two people come together to form a relationship, they’re both going to need to make sacrifices in order to achieve their new shared goals and aspirations together. 

Thus, if your husband is displaying an unwillingness to compromise, he’s showing you that he views the relationship as a one-sided dynamic and that he isn’t interested in taking your needs and wishes into account.

That certainly doesn’t sound like a relationship built on mutual, shared value—does it?

18. He Doesn’t Respect Boundaries

Boundaries are crucial for mutual respect. 

Violating important personal boundaries displays a blatant disregard for your feelings and your individuality.

And this is the opposite of valuing you. 

19. He Often Compares You to Other People

Comparison is the thief of joy—and the source of much marital resentment. 

A husband who values you will appreciate you for who you are, not who you’re not.

It doesn’t get much simpler than that. 

20. He’s Flaky

Consistency is a crucial key to the success of a marital relationship. 

Simply put, an inability to stick to plans or promises demonstrates a lack of respect for your time and feelings.

If he values you, he’ll show up as promised. 

21. He Tries to Gaslight You

Gaslighting is a toxic, manipulative tactic that erodes your sense of reality. 

And a husband who gaslights is basically showing you, in very clear and certain terms, that he doesn’t value your mental health, wellness, or emotional well-being.

22. He Doesn’t Plan For Your Combined Future

A future together is a shared project. This is especially true if you’re married (or at least, it should be). 

If he’s not including you in his future plans, it definitely implies a lack of commitment and sense of value for the life you’re planning on sharing together. 

You’re not crazy for not feeling ‘ok’ about that. 

23. He Allows His Family or Friends to Criticize You

This one hurts. 

If he lets others insult or belittle you, he’s basically demonstrating to you that he values their opinions more than your dignity.

24. He Acts Inappropriately on Social Media

A husband who has made vows to you should uphold those vows in all facets of life. 

Thus, if your husband has committed to be faithful to you in your marriage, but is also messaging other women online or otherwise interacting in ways that could be described as ‘flirtatious’ or ‘inappropriate’—that’s definitely a sign that he’s not valuing you to the extent that he promised he would. 

25. He Takes You for Granted

A husband should be thankful and grateful for all of the good things his wife does for him. 

This is not only a leadership principle, but also just the proper mindset that he should embrace as a husband. 

If he doesn’t do this, and isn’t actively practicing gratitude for the good things you do that help further the cause of the family—that’s a surefire sign that he isn’t valuing you as he should. 

26. He Doesn’t Show up When You Need Him

In times of need, you’ll find out exactly who truly values you. 

And here’s the hard truth of it—a husband who’s consistently absent in these moments doesn’t fully value your well-being.

27. He Avoids Making Eye Contact With You

Eye contact is a basic, yet very telling form of human connection. 

Avoiding it is a subtle, yet clear indication that he’s likely disengaging. 

But perhaps more notably, it could be a sign that something’s wrong and that he’s not taking the necessary steps to solve the problem. 

This is a problem because if he truly valued you, he’d want to take full responsibility for making things right and setting the relationship back on the path to success. 

28. He Never Compliments You

I make it a point to compliment my girlfriend every day. I compliment her on:

  • Her looks
  • How fun she is to be in a relationship with
  • How good of a job she does when she grocery shops
  • How good of a mom she is
  • How awesome she’s doing in making progress on her own personal goals

But the main reason that I make sure to do all of this is because I highly value her in my life, and want her to know that. 

Hence—if this was missing, it would likely be a telling indicator that the ‘value’ part of the equation just isn’t there. 

29. He Makes Mean, Cruel, or Insensitive Jokes

Humor and jokes made at the expense of your feelings aren’t actually funny—they’re cruel and far from humorous. 

This type of thing would very likely undermine your self-esteem and say something chilling about how his value level for you just isn’t high enough. 

After all—we’d never actually want to hurt a person we love and value. 

30. He’s Impatient With You

Impatience often manifests as a lack of willingness to allow you the time and space you need, implying he values his own time over yours.

It’s as simple as that. 

31. He Forgets About Important Dates

Forgetting significant dates, like anniversaries or birthdays, shows a lack of thoughtfulness and consideration—which are key components to valuing someone.

If dates aren’t even worth an effort to remember, he likely doesn’t take you seriously enough—and it’s definitely evidence that you’re not as valuable to him as you should be. 

32. He Stops Making an Effort

when a husband lets himself go

Has he stopped working on himself? Has he stopped investing in the relationship? Has he stopped working to move the relationship forward in all of the ways that matter most?

Here’s the truth. When something is valuable to us, we put work and effort into it. 

And if it’s not, we don’t. It’s simple and true. 

33. He Doesn’t Seek Out or Value Your Advice or Point of View

If a man values you in his life, he’ll also want to hear your advice and take your point of view into account on matters of importance—especially if those matters pertain to the family, the relationship, and the kids. 

If he doesn’t seem the least bit interested in your advice or doesn’t at least listen and consider your point of view—odds are good that he just doesn’t value you that much, plain and simple. 

What to Do Next

If you’ve recognized that some of these points are present in your own relationship, you may be feeling overwhelmed right now. 

This is completely understandable.

Realizing that your partner doesn’t value you as they should is a tough pill to swallow. 

With that being said, the first and most critical question you need to ask yourself is: 

Do you want to work on this relationship, or do you think it’s time to end it?

Let’s take a quick look at both paths. 

If You Want to Work on It

Here are some steps and tips you can deploy in an effort to find a solution. 

  • Use open communication: Speak openly about your feelings and concerns with your spouse. Honest dialogue is the cornerstone of any successful relationship.
  • Seek professional help: Consider going to marriage counseling. As a starting point, I’ve used Relationship Hero successfully in the past, which is an online relationship coaching service. I really liked this as a first step as I got cost-effective and unbiased independent advice before deciding whether to invest deeper into marriage counseling.
  • Set boundaries and expectations: Clearly outline what you need from your spouse and the marriage, and work together to meet those needs.
  • Monitor progress: Keep track of changes or improvements in your relationship and assess periodically.
Our Top Pick: Online Relationship Coaching
Relationship Hero
(Get $50 off your first session by following our link)

Myself and quite a few men in our community have had great results getting their relationships back on track quickly by using this highly regarded online relationship coaching service. Sometimes a little unbiased advice from a professional goes a long way.

Take Free Quiz Read Our Review

If You Want to End It

If you’ve decided that enough is enough, here are some important steps and tips to keep in mind.

  • Prioritize safety first: Especially in emotionally or physically abusive marriages, your safety is the utmost priority. Ensure you have a robust support system in place.
  • Be firm and clear: When ending a marriage, clarity and certainty are critical. Have a conversation when you are sure about your decision.
  • Consult a lawyer: Given that you’re married, separating assets and responsibilities can be a complicated legal procedure. Obtain professional advice to navigate this process.
  • Limit contact: Once you’ve separated, try to limit contact to allow both parties time to heal and adjust.
  • Establish a support network: Whether it’s through friends, family, or professional therapists, make sure you have the emotional backing you need during this challenging time.

Remember…

You owe it to yourself not to waste years of your life in a marriage that isn’t serving you or offering you the love and respect you deserve. 

If your spouse is unwilling to work on the issues, or if you don’t see any significant behavioral changes despite your best efforts, it could be a sign that the marriage has run its course.

Whatever you decide, know that you’re not alone. Find help, community, and resources for support—and always make sure to do what is best for your safety, health, wellness, and future.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, it really all comes down to this. 

You get to have the life and relationship that you’re willing to work for and accept for yourself. 

And if you’re willing to do the work to be a good partner, you probably shouldn’t settle for staying with someone who isn’t. 

Go with grace, and never give up your power! 

FAQs

How do you treat a husband who doesn’t value you?

First, prioritize your own well-being and emotional health. But also understand that open and honest communication is essential. Let him know how you feel and what needs to change. 

Consider seeking professional guidance through marriage counseling. If there’s no improvement, you may have to evaluate whether the relationship is worth continuing. 

This is doubtlessly a painful decision to make, but you deserve a relationship where you’re valued and respected.

What are the signs of no love in marriage?

Signs of no love in a marriage can include emotional and physical distance, lack of affection, and little to no meaningful communication. You might notice that conflicts go unresolved and that there’s a distinct lack of interest in each other’s lives. 

Avoidance of planning for a shared future and a general lack of effort in maintaining the relationship are also telling indicators. When the emotional connection fades and is replaced by neglect or hostility, it’s a sign that love may no longer be present in the marriage.

How do you know if your husband values you?

A husband who values you will consistently show interest in your well-being, emotionally and physically. He’ll take the time to listen to you, support you in your goals, and include you in decisions that affect both of you. 

Affection and quality time will be freely given, not just on special occasions. He’ll take responsibility for his actions and will be willing to work through challenges. 

The relationship, as a whole, will feel like a partnership—with both sides contributing and receiving. Trust, mutual respect, and open communication are key indicators that he truly values you in the marriage.

What is emotional neglect in marriage?

Emotional neglect in marriage is best defined as the absence or withholding of emotional support, attention, and affection. It manifests when one partner consistently fails to notice, attend to, or respond to the other partner’s emotional needs. 

This can include ignoring feelings, showing indifference, invalidating experiences, or minimizing achievements and concerns. Unlike more overt forms of abuse, emotional neglect can be subtle and insidious, making it harder to recognize but equally damaging over time.