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I Broke Up With My Girlfriend: What Now? 9 Honest Steps

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Joshua Sigafus

Dating, Relationships

Joshua has 15 years of writing experience within the complex territories of dating, masculinity, and relationships. His own personal life journey was kick-started by a pivotal marital breakdown of his own and led him down a path of self-discovery and masculine transformation, culminating in him developing a career as a men's dating coach. Read full bio.

Last Updated: Feb 22, 2024
12 min read
I Broke Up With My Girlfriend sad young black man in white jumper

This is a topic that I have a lot of experience with—and it’s never an easy thing to talk about.

The unfortunate truth of life is that breakups happen.

If you’re on the journey to be an alpha mentality man, then there are doubtlessly going to be times in your life when you’re going to need to make tough decisions about who you are and aren’t going to continue to allow in your inner circle. 

And the choice of who you select as your intimate partner is one of the most important and crucial choices you’ll make in life.

Sometimes, after dating someone for a while, you just come to realize that it’s not a good fit. 

You really have no alternative but to end the relationship

However, this is much easier said than done. 

And dealing with the aftermath is no small matter. 

So in this post, you’ll learn everything you need to know about what to do after breaking up with your girlfriend. 

These are the steps you need to take, starting today.

I Just Broke Up With My Girlfriend: 9 Things to Do Now

1. Be Honest about What Went Wrong

that breakup happened for a reason

Oftentimes, in the wake of a breakup, people will lash out with reactionary and retaliatory words and actions. They might:

  • Blame the other person for all the problems 
  • Label their ex a ‘toxic narcissist’ who ‘made their life a living hell’
  • Turn a blind eye to their own mistakes 
  • Hype up their ex’s faults in an attempt to emotionally justify the breakup 

But as strong men, we want to be better than this. 

It’s important to be honest about what actually went wrong.

Usually, this means that you dated a good woman for a certain period of time, and just discovered that the two of you didn’t have enough in common to continue forward.

Be honest with yourself and everyone else about the truth of the situation, and don’t succumb to over-the-top emotional reactions. 

It hurts. It sucks. But that’s no reason to dramatize things or to needlessly hype them up. 

If you want to truly understand what part you played in the breakup, I often recommend reaching out to someone independent. Your friends and family will always be biased toward your side, it’s what makes them friends and family.

I recently had a great experience linking up with a relationship coach at the site Relationship Hero. My girlfriend and I are approaching a possible ‘move-in-together‘ date and I wanted to get another perspective on things.

I found the session to be really insightful. Beyond this singular question, my coach helped me understand some deeper truths about myself that’ll make a long-lasting positive impact on my life and future relationships, and that’s pretty invaluable.

I’d definitely do another session if (knock on wood) my girlfriend and I were to ever break up.

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2. Rediscover Your Life Purpose

In the wake of the end of any relationship, it’s vitally important to stay firmly anchored to the pillar of your life’s purpose

If you’ve never discovered it, now’s the time to find it

If you’ve lost sight of it, now’s the time to reconnect with it. 

3. Work on Yourself

Oftentimes, when we grow comfortable and stable in a relationship, we slack off on our self-improvement work.

So in the wake of a breakup, one of the best things that you can do to help yourself move forward is to really get back into the swing of leveling up your mind, body, and spirit.

Consider learning or upgrading a skill

Start hitting the gym. 

Rediscover meditation, rekindle your sense of spirituality, and/or start a yoga habit. 

4. Self-validate

As strong men, it’s vitally important that we don’t look to other humans to validate us. 

This can be especially challenging in the wake of a breakup. 

But this is also the most important time to be sure of yourself and not waver when any thoughts of self doubt or a desire to rekindle things come knocking. 

You’ve just made a significant change in your life that’s going to have a drastic effect on not only your personal life, but also on your association with concepts like home, comfort, and belonging

This can all be messy business to sort through. So it’s vitally important to stay focused on the task of self validating and finding strength and confidence in your own energy as opposed to looking for these things in other people—including your ex-girlfriend.

5. Make a Plan

You’re about to begin a new phase of life. 

With the closing of one chapter, you’re opening the book to a world of new possibilities that you can now look forward to and dream about.

At this point in time, it’s essential to make a plan of action. 

  • How would you like to move forward after this? 
  • What would you like to do differently? 
  • What kind of changes would you like to make in your life to help you create the future you desire for yourself? 

There’s never a better time to ask these questions than in the wake of a big life change—and a breakup certainly qualifies. 

6. Give Yourself Time to Grieve

men deserve happiness as well

Even if you’re the one who initiated the breakup, it’s still highly likely that you’re going to need to grieve and mourn the ending of the relationship. 

Even though things didn’t work out with your ex, you probably still loved her and had a deeply felt sense of attachment to her. 

And even though you were the one who made the choice to break up, you may still feel a great and profound sense of loss. 

These are very normal things to feel. 

It’s just really important that you give yourself time to grieve, to mourn, and to get over some of those feelings of sadness

7. Learn from Your Mistakes

Regardless of who chose to end the relationship, the fact of the matter is that we should all use such endings to perform a self-examination and see if we could have done things differently or better. 

Learn from your mistakes so that you can prepare for a better relationship next time around. 

Getting better at dating can drastically improve the quality of partner you attract, which in turn, often leads to a better relationship.

If you’re serious about rebuilding your masculine foundation and getting better results in the dating marketplace, I highly recommend you check out my flagship Dating & Masculinity Transformation System for when you’re ready to get back out there.

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8. Forgive Yourself

If you’ve realized that you made mistakes during the relationship that you now regret, you may be tempted to blame yourself or to emotionally kick yourself for ‘messing up.’

You may even blame yourself for things going wrong.  

But nobody’s perfect. 

Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and move on. 

There’s no good that can come from harboring guilt over the actions of the past. 

9. Give Yourself a Fresh Start

breaking up is difficult

Regardless of how the relationship ended, you deserve a fresh start. 

So go out and seize it for yourself. 

Today is the day to begin the process of making your life better than it’s ever been.

Your ex deserves a fresh start, and so do you.

I Broke up with My Girlfriend but I Miss Her

In the wake of a breakup, it’s really common to miss your ex.

You may even feel like you still love her, and be tempted to believe that you might even want her back. 

You might even start to second-guess the breakup. You may even convince yourself that you regret it.


I’ve learned this lesson the hard way in life. 

There’s always a reason for why breakups happen.

You miss your ex because you loved her. And you probably still feel a sense of attachment to her. 

This is normal. 

But these are not indicators that the relationship was a good one. 

The truth of the matter is this: 

If the relationship had actually been on a trajectory to succeed, you wouldn’t have even thought about breaking up with her in the first place. 

These things happen for a reason. Don’t let that doubt creep in and tempt you to second-guess yourself. 

I Bought a House with My Girlfriend and Now We Broke Up 

This can be an especially messy situation. Here are some common-sense steps you can take to try to resolve it.

1. Be Reasonable

If you’re in this type of situation with your ex, make sure that you act honorably and honestly during the breakup. 

That’ll give you the best possible odds for negotiating a peaceful separation and transition as you navigate the business of deciding what’s going to happen with joint property, including the house. 

2. Negotiate Peacefully 

If at all possible, try to compromise and negotiate a peaceful solution that works for both of you. For example, you could sell the house and split the money between you—or one of you could buy the other out of their half of the ownership, and keep it.

3. If All Else Fails, Lawyer Up

If things go really sour, be ready to hire a lawyer. 

Unfortunately, breakups sometimes bring legal issues along with them. 

This is why it’s always important for a man to have some money set aside in case he needs to hire legal representation. 


Hopefully, this post will help you as you navigate your breakup and move on to begin the next chapter of your life. 

With that being said, it can still be very difficult to go through. 

So if you’re struggling with it, you’re definitely not alone. 

Just remember that this isn’t the end of your life. 

Even if it feels difficult or bad right now, things do get better. 

Trust me. I’ve been through enough of these to know that it just takes time. 

Just go through the steps outlined above, and you’ll be well on your way to beginning a happy, new, exciting chapter in your life. 

Great adventures await you.

To fast-track your success when you’re ready to get back in the game, be sure to check out my eBook, The Quick Start Guide to Improving Your Dating Life:

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Go with grace, and never give up your power. 


I just broke up with my girlfriend. Why don’t I feel anything?

If you don’t feel anything in the wake of a breakup, it could be because you already checked out of the relationship and went through the grieving process while you were still together. 

It could also be because you’re still in shock and haven’t really processed it yet. 

This is especially common in breakups that feel emotionally traumatic. 

Sometimes, it takes time for the mourning and grieving to really kick in.

What should I do if I broke up with my girlfriend and she texts me all the time?

Sometimes, your ex-girlfriend may try to engage with you post-breakup in an attempt to win you back—or because she’s having trouble letting go of her own attachments to the relationship. 

This is actually pretty common. 

She may even try to sleep with you again. 

Sometimes this leads to couples getting back together. 

It can also lead to post-breakup flings where you start sleeping together with your ex again on a regular basis. 

However, these situations can put you into a kind of weird ‘post breakup limbo’ that can stagnate your growth and keep you emotionally tied up. 

For this reason, it’s usually easier and better in the long run to sever things with your ex as quickly and as cleanly as possible. 

Need some help figuring out how to do this? Read this guide: 13 Surefire Signs It’s Time to Break Up With Your Girlfriend.

Do I have to tell my girlfriend why I broke up with them?

When it comes to ending a relationship, you’re never obligated to tell the other person why you’re walking away. 

You could just say:

“I don’t want to do this anymore. I want something different.”

With that being said, keep in mind that this is a person you’ve loved for a long time, who held a special, intimate place in your life.

Because of that, it can sometimes be meaningful to have an honest discussion about why you don’t wish to continue onward with the relationship. 

This is a decision that’s best handled with a simple cost-benefit analysis. 

Sometimes, the potential for ‘chaos’ is simply too great for honesty. 

But sometimes, being honest will help to bring closure to what was once a loving, beautiful partnership. 

This isn’t always an easy choice to make. 

Just understand this:

You’re never morally obligated to give a reason for why you don’t want to continue onward in a relationship.