/  Dating

How Often Should You Text a Girl? Advice From a Dating Coach

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Joshua Sigafus Dating Coach & Writer   Updated: 
How often should you text a girl man puzzled while holding phone his hand and
Key Takeaways

Focus on setting up an in-person date as your primary goal. Send a few texts to kick-start the conversation and then use one or two text messages to ask her out. Let her set the pace for texting, avoid double-texting, and maintain a balance where she sends slightly more texts than you.

I struggled with this a lot as a younger man. 

I’m not proud to admit it, but I used to be a chronic double-texter. 

I was also extremely insecure, to the point where I’d even ask women if they were still interested in me if I hadn’t heard from them in a while. 

Yikes.

These types of behaviors came off as needy, clingy, and attention-seeking. They definitely weren’t masculine, and they most definitely didn’t work. 

But over time, I learned better. 

I read some awesome books, absorbed some awesome studies, conducted my own research, and attempted to figure out how often I should really text women if I wanted to be successful. 

I’m happy to report that, nowadays, the ‘proper way’ of texting women comes as naturally to me as anything else I’ve done a thousand times. 

I enjoy it and I’m successful at it. 

But it didn’t start out that way, and I had to learn a lot of hard lessons to make it work. 

And in this guide, I’m going to share some of the most crucial and foundational principles that empowered me to go from being a ‘needy, clingy double-texter’ to being ‘an attractive, masculine man’ who was capable of getting fantastic results with women over text

So let’s dive into it. 

This is literally two years of educational wisdom, distilled down into the most important things that all men need to know about how often to text girls. 

Why Is Texting So Important In Dating?

its important for men to know how to text a lady

Texting is a crucial part of human communication in our modern day—and if men don’t learn how to appropriately and successfully text the women they’re dating, they’re going to get left behind and overshadowed by other men who’ve nailed their texting game and understand how to keep a woman engaging and interested. 

Make no mistake, texting a woman and keeping her interested while doing it is a challenge—and a lot of men struggle with it. 

If you’re looking for a more in-depth guide to help you crush it, consider checking out the OPTIONS Texting System. It’s my favorite system for helping men to most quickly and efficiently learn how to text women with the best chance of success. 

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But read on to learn more about my techniques.

How Often Should You Text a Girl You Like?

To determine the ideal texting frequency when pursuing a romantic interest, you must first understand the underlying goals of texting in the dating game.

Goal #1: Setting Up an In-Person Date

The primary objective when texting a woman you’re interested in is to pave the way for an in-person meeting. This is relatively straightforward and should be the initial focus. 

Most men have the ability to succeed at this, as long as they don’t make any big mistakes or ruin the interaction somehow.

However, where many falter is by placing too much emphasis on the second goal before accomplishing the first. 

They inadvertently become “text buddies” instead of steering conversations towards setting up a date. 

Alternatively, they might get sidetracked trying to win her over or seeking validation via text, neglecting the crucial step of arranging a face-to-face meeting.

Goal #2: Maintaining Engagement and Building Connection

Once the date is set, the second goal comes into play. 

Texting should serve as a bridge between in-person meetings.

It’s an opportunity to keep the connection alive, engage in enjoyable conversations, and build anticipation for your next encounter.

So, how often should you text a girl you like? The answer is relatively straightforward:

1. Initiate the Conversation: Begin with a few texts to kick-start the conversation. Gauge her responsiveness and interest.

2. Ask Her Out: Use one or two text messages to propose a date. If scheduling complexities arise, you might need more texts, but aim for brevity whenever possible.

3. Allow Her to Set the Pace: After arranging a date, it’s crucial to let her dictate the texting pace and tone. 

Here are some key rules to follow:

  • Avoid Double-Texting: Refrain from sending multiple messages without a response. Give her space to reply at her convenience.
  • Balanced Conversations: Aim for a balanced texting ratio. For every three texts she sends, respond with about two. This keeps the communication dynamic and demonstrates your interest without making you appear needy.
  • Maintain Your Independence: Don’t make yourself overly available through text. Continue living your life and pursuing your interests, even while communicating with her. This sends the message that you have a fulfilling life outside of the relationship, which is definitely attractive.

Remember that each person’s texting preferences can vary. Pay attention to her responses and adjust your approach accordingly. 

Ultimately, the key is to strike a balance between showing your interest and cultivating just enough scarcity to keep her interested.

How Often Does a Girl Text a Guy She Likes?

women are easy to read

The frequency of a girl’s texting can vary greatly depending on her personality and preferences. However, there are some general principles to consider.

1. Women Text When Interested

As a general rule of thumb, women tend to find reasons to text men they’re genuinely interested in. If a woman is consistently reaching out to you and putting effort into her messages, it’s a strong indicator that she either:

It’s important to recognize that if a girl is making an effort in her texts, it’s a positive sign. This indicates a level of engagement and interest on her part.

2. The Importance of Asking Her Out

In the early stages of interaction, especially when you’re communicating with a girl you like, your primary focus should be on making your intentions known and progressing toward a date. 

While enjoyable conversations are essential, it’s crucial to avoid getting trapped in the “friendzone” by engaging in endless, non-committal text exchanges.

By promptly asking her out, you clarify your intentions and create opportunity for a deeper connection. 

This step is vital in steering the relationship toward a romantic context, ensuring that your interactions don’t stagnate as mere “buddy texting.”

When Should You Stop Texting a Girl?

walk away from stale conversations with women

You should stop texting a girl if:

  • Red flags become evident: It’s advisable to discontinue communication if you notice any concerning behavior or signs that cast doubt on pursuing a relationship with her.
  • Prioritizing responsibilities is necessary: When you have significant commitments such as work, social engagements, or personal projects, it’s acceptable to pause texting to fulfill these obligations. Striking a healthy balance is essential—and honestly, this is an attractive trait in a man.
  • You find yourself tempted to double text: After sending a message and not receiving a response, it’s crucial to refrain from sending multiple follow-up texts. Give her the space to reply at her own pace. Failing to wait for a response could very quickly make you look needy and clingy, which is not a good look.
  • Conversations consistently feel one-sided: If your interactions lack engagement or effort from her side on an ongoing basis, it’s an indicator that you should cease texting.
  • She responds with apathy or delays her replies without valid reasons: Such behavior may suggest a lack of interest on her part.
  • Clear compatibility issues emerge: If you discover substantial differences or incompatibilities that could hinder a successful relationship, it may be best to conclude the conversation amicably.
  • She explicitly communicates her disinterest or requests space: It’s crucial to respect her wishes by discontinuing communication if she conveys a lack of interest. It’s also true that by the time a woman says that ‘she needs space,’ she’s probably not feeling it, and that you should move on to greener pastures.
  • Your instincts signal that continuing to text isn’t leading to a meaningful connection or is causing undue stress: Trusting your intuition is a valid reason to stop.
  • Establishing healthy boundaries becomes necessary: If texting consumes too much time and energy, consider scaling back to a more manageable level.

Embrace This Mindset

Mindset is paramount when it comes to interacting with women, especially through texting. 

Your mindset shapes your priorities, choices, energy, and overall vibe, all of which play a pivotal role in how you’re perceived and whether you come across as a high-value man worth pursuing.

Here’s the mindset you should adopt as your guiding principle in texting women. It should underpin all your interactions without necessarily being explicitly stated. 

Instead, it should be evident in your actions and words, allowing her to discern the kind of man you are:

You’re a man driven by purpose, value, and a desire to leave a lasting legacy in life. You don’t require a woman’s validation to affirm your self-worth or define your life’s mission. While you appreciate and enjoy the company of women, you pursue them as a beautiful and fulfilling part of the human experience.

You aren’t interested in excessive flattery or seeking anyone’s approval. If she’s genuinely interested in spending time with you, that’s fantastic. If not, that’s perfectly fine too. Rejection from one, two, or even several women doesn’t cause you to see yourself as lower value.

You’re a high-value man who respects yourself and recognizes that your destiny includes building a remarkable tribe, family, and community. You embrace the role of a leader in your life, which entails caring for others and guiding your tribe towards a brighter future.

If she chooses to be a part of your journey, she’s welcome to join. If not, you understand that she may not be the right fit, and you’re fully prepared to continue your adventure independently.

In essence, this mindset emphasizes your self-assuredness, respect for your own value, and the understanding that your life’s purpose extends beyond any single relationship. 

It communicates that you’re a man with a strong sense of self and a clear direction, which can be highly attractive to women seeking a confident and purpose-driven partner.

Conclusion

I’ll leave you with one more piece of advice:

Don’t get so caught up in texting that you stay glued to your phone for hours on end. 

The world is full of amazing women who love to be approached in-person—and I highly recommend that you do so. 

Go to the beach, to parties, to fairs and festivals, to community events—and meet and network with awesome people. 

Phones are useful tools. But they’re no substitute for meeting women face to face. 

Go with grace, and never give up your power. 

FAQs

How often should you text a girl to get her interested?

To get a girl interested, text her enough to build rapport and connection, but avoid overwhelming her. 

Send a few initial texts to initiate conversation, then aim to set up an in-person date. Let her set the texting pace while ensuring you’re engaging, fun, gentlemanly, and respectful in your messages.

How often should you text when taking it slow?

When taking it slow, maintain a steady but not overwhelming texting pace. 

Send occasional texts to stay connected and share meaningful conversations. 

Allow her to dictate the frequency, and focus on building a deeper connection over time.

When taking things slow, you should always focus on ‘quality’ over ‘quantity,’ especially where the text messages themselves are concerned.

Should I text her after a week of silence?

Whether or not you should reach out to her after a week of silence depends on the context of your previous interactions. Here’s a breakdown of different scenarios:

1. If You Were the Last to Message

If you were the last person to send a message and haven’t received a response in a week, it may not be a positive sign. 

This situation could suggest that she’s either not interested or that your previous interactions didn’t leave a strong impression. 

In such cases, it’s essential to assess whether your efforts are worth pursuing further.

Need a bit more help? Check out our guide for what to do when a girl ghosts you.

2. After Going on a Date

If the two of you have already been on a date, and you don’t hear from her for a week, especially when you were the last one to text, it’s usually an indication that she may not be keen on continuing to see you romantically. 

In this scenario, it’s often best to respect her space and evaluate whether it’s worth initiating further contact.

3. If She Was the Last to Message

If she was the last one to send a message and there’s been a week of silence, it’s not necessarily a negative sign. Life can get busy, and people have commitments to see to. 

In this case, reaching out to her could simply signify your interest in picking up where you left off and continuing your dating journey together.

In all situations, it’s crucial to gauge the dynamics of your connection and be mindful of her communication style. If you do decide to send a message after a week of silence, keep it light, friendly, and open-ended. 

This allows for a smooth rekindling of conversation without applying pressure. 

However, it’s equally important to be prepared for different outcomes and respectful of her response, whether it’s enthusiastic, lukewarm, or non-existent.

How often should you text your wife?

Texting frequency with your wife is different than during dating. To maintain a strong relationship, keep things fun, and communicate about important matters, texting ‘more’ as husband and wife is advisable. 

However, it’s also important to strike a balance that suits both your preferences and needs.

You still need to maintain a masculine aura of attraction and independence—and you still want to create enough ‘space’ that things feel at least relatively fresh. 

Don’t constantly blow up her phone, don’t be needy, and above all else—keep trying to flirt and make her laugh.