When I was a younger man, I really struggled with texting.
It seemed like every text conversation I’d try to start with a woman either went dry, got boring, or ended with me getting ‘ghosted.’
Of course, over time, I learned to fix it—and I ended up getting pretty darn good at it.
The secret was this:
As I succeeded more with women in-general, I started spending more time around them.
And as I spent more time around them, I started learning more and more about what women were actually looking for in the men they dated.
And here’s the real truth of the matter:
Texting is a tough game because in our modern day and age, it’s highly competitive.
Whether via phone, through messenger apps, or even via online dating apps, women are getting bombarded by hundreds of messages on a daily basis.
And the vast majority of those conversations (probably close to 99% of them) are likely doomed to end up dry, destitute, and as empty as a ghost town itself—devoid of any meaningful conversation, real human connection, interest, excitement, or hope of meeting up in person for a real date.
So in this guide, I’m going to break down my entire perfected texting strategy (that has worked very well for me in my own life), which I’ve honed through years of trial, error, research, studying, and experience, and I’m going to condense it all down to the bare-bones essentials that you need to know to avoid and fix dry texting conversations with women.
Let’s dive into it.
What Is Dry Texting?
Dry texting refers to the act of sending short, unengaging, and impersonal messages in a conversation, especially in a digital context.
You can tell when a text conversation has ‘gone dry’ by looking at the messages themselves. ‘Dry’ messages will lack the depth, emotion, or enthusiasm required to keep a conversation flowing smoothly.
Dry texting often manifests in one-word answers, a lack of follow-up questions, and generic responses that don’t provide much insight or offer a path for the conversation to continue.
While it can sometimes be a result of disinterest, it’s also possible that the individual is simply preoccupied, unsure of what to say, or might not be adept at communicating in a text-based medium.
And as a man who wants to text (and get results with) a number of beautiful women in your life—it’s your job to not only diagnose the problem, but to also find a solution for it.
5 Dry Text Examples
Alright. I’m going to give you some examples of what a ‘dry texting’ conversation looks like.
Then, in the following sections, I’ll explain not only the psychology behind these types of interactions (on the female side), but also why they tend to happen, how to give yourself your best odds of fixing them and getting them back on track, and even a ‘cheat sheet’ of texting techniques (including real text examples) that I’ve used to help salvage dry text conversations and turn them into intensely flirtatious dates, hookups, and even flings.
So, here are just a few ‘dry text conversation’ examples:
Man: “Hey, how was your day today?”
Note: It wouldn’t take but a little bit of energy for her to give him a legitimate answer. The fact that she answered with just one word shows she’s likely not super excited to talk to him.
Man: “I saw this amazing movie last night about space exploration. Have you seen any good movies lately?”
Note: Here, he left the question open to a number of obvious response possibilities. But she’s so seemingly disinterested that she didn’t even bother to give one.
Man: “I’ve been thinking about trying out that new Italian place downtown. Do you like Italian food?”
Woman: “It’s okay.”
Note: This isn’t quite as ‘dry’ as the previous examples. But it’s still a lethargic response that would likely leave the man scratching his head, wondering if he should even continue (and for good reason).
Man: “I had such a crazy day at work today! Ever had one of those days where nothing goes right?”
Note: In this example, we see a situation where if she had cared even a little, she would have at least asked him “what happened?” But her apparent ‘absence of care’ for what he’s saying betrays the truth—she’s legitimately, completely, 100% uninterested in him or in the conversation.
Man: “I’ve been reading this incredible book about ancient civilizations. Do you enjoy history?”
Woman: “Not really.”
Note: She could have said a million different things here. For example, she could have easily said “No, I don’t read much history, but I do read mystery novels.” The fact that she didn’t expend the energy required to keep up her side of the conversations shows that she’s probably just ‘going through the motions’ on this one.
8 Likely Reasons Your Conversation Has Gone Dry With a Girl
1. She’s Just Not That Interested in You
It sucks, but it happens.
Sometimes, women don’t text very enthusiastically or energetically because the man they’re texting just isn’t worth the effort to them.
For you, as a man, the only recourse here is to either find a way to shift the dynamic, or to move on and text different women who seem more interested in you.
If you’re not quite sure if she actually likes you over text, consult this guide for some deeper insight.
You can also explore the 12 Signs She Doesn’t Like You More Than a Friend for more troubleshooting on where your connection is at with her.
2. She’s Busy or Preoccupied
Now, there are two sides to this coin.
Sometimes, people do get busy, and they don’t have the bandwidth for long, drawn-out text message replies.
But it’s also true that people tend to make time for the people they care about—even if they’re busy.
Case in point, this should really only matter to a very limited extent—and definitely shouldn’t count for the majority of ‘dry texts’ coming from her side of the conversation.
3. She’s Overwhelmed by the Number of Messages She’s Getting
Some women are literally getting hundreds of messages in their inboxes every day, from all kinds of men who want to ask them out, buy them dinner, talk to them about their day, etc.
But once again, this comes down to an ‘interest’ issue. Of all of those men who are texting her, the vast majority of women will ‘lock on’ to the one or two they’re most interested in, and will just ‘juggle’ a certain number of others in the event that their favorites drop off the radar.
You want to be the favorite—not the ‘juggled’ guy. And a dry text convo usually means that you’re not her first pick.
If you tend to struggle with becoming womens’ ‘favorite man,’ check out this guide for some guidance on how to ace this part of the dating process.
4. Past Conversations Weren’t Engaging
It’s possible that she started out being really into you—and that you ‘fumbled’ the ball by being a boring texter yourself.
Unfortunately, this is a relatively common issue for men. Learning how to be an engaging and interesting ‘texter’ is a dating skill that all men should study and master in this modern world.
You know what they say:
You can be many things to a woman, but boring isn’t one of them.
Well, it’s true. A boring, dry text convo is likely to leave you high and dry after the energy fizzles on her side of the coin.
Embrace these 7 Things to Do When a Girl Doesn’t Text You Back and What It Means for some help in this area.
5. She’s Just Not a Super Avid Texter
I remember this one time when I was talking to a really attractive woman over text, and her replies were very dry and spaced out.
At first glance, I thought she wasn’t into it. But I went ahead and asked her out—and we ended up having one of the wildest summer flings I’d experienced in a long time.
As it turned out, she just wasn’t really a ‘texter.’ She drove a forklift in a warehouse, lifted weights, drank and cussed like a sailor, and got ‘super fine’ on the weekends when we went out.
We had some very memorable times together—all due to the fact that I didn’t let her ‘dry texting’ get into my head and screw up my game.
In my experience, this tends to be more common among Millennial and Gen X women, and less so of Gen Z.
But as a millennial myself, this has been my observation:
Some women actually aren’t super avid texters. They tend to talk via text at a minimum, and prefer in-person conversations to text.
You solve this issue as a man by not ‘beating about the bush’ in asking her out.
Use texting as a tool to engage in a little bit of ‘light, fun, flirtatious, engaging banter,’ but mostly, use it as a tool to set up a real-life date so that you can work your charm in person.
6. She’s Not in the Mood for Texting
This can also be a reason—but once again, it usually fits into the same bucket as ‘she’s just not that into you.’
Because, let’s face it—nothing will get a woman more excited to text than seeing a message from the crush she’s been thinking and fantasizing about for the past two days.
But if you’re not her crush, you’ll likely never see this energy—and that’s just how it is.
7. Fear of Misunderstandings (Or Even Failure)
This is a complicated one—and honestly, it’s not that common (in my experience).
But I have met women who fell into this category.
Every once in a while, you might come across a woman who really likes you, who also doubts that investing time, effort, or energy into anyone is even worthwhile.
These women may be jaded, hurt, and/or emotionally traumatized (usually from a divorce, a breakup, bad relationships in the past, or even by abuse in a past relationship), and they may feel like you need to prove yourself to them (in some way) so that they can be convinced and assured that you won’t leave.
I’m not going to lie to you—this is a pretty major red flag. And as a general rule, you don’t want to get involved with a woman like this anyway.
This type of woman probably isn’t in a place where she can actually engage in a healthy, equal-footing relationship—and honestly, the most caring thing to do in such cases is to walk away and set her free to find the healing and help she needs to overcome her trauma.
8. The Conversation Feels Like an Interrogation
Hey, asking questions is an awesome way to spur interesting conversation and move the engagement forward.
But if you overdo it on the ‘question’ front, you can sometimes run the risk of making the conversation a lot of work for her—and to a point, it can sometimes make the interaction feel more like an interrogation or a job interview than a ‘fun, flirty, playful’ dating conversation.
To avoid this, you should oscillate between asking and answering questions, learning about her and sharing about yourself, telling jokes, making her laugh, and lightly teasing her—all while using texting as a tool to set up the next real date so that you can work your magic and seduce her in person.
5 Ways to Fix a Dry Text Conversation
I’m going to cut straight to the chase here.
Fixing this problem is actually relatively simple (though not necessarily always easy).
But before we jump into the steps, you need to know that, ultimately, there are really only 2 core possibilities for why a texting convo with a woman would go dry.
- Either she’s just not that interested in you
- Or she likes you, but she has some kind of issue of her own going on with the text game that’s causing it to dry up on her end
The good news for you is that this is actually a simple mathematics/elimination problem—and using the following 6 steps will give you your best chances at success regardless of what the exact nature of the problem is.
It’s also important to understand that you may never exactly know which issue you’re dealing with—so you always want to assume that you’re dealing with possibility #2 (she likes you, and there’s some other issue that’s affecting her text game).
Let’s dive into the steps.
1. Learn How to Be a Strong Texter
Learning how to text women correctly is crucial for any man who really wants to succeed with women on the modern sexual marketplace.
Texting is an important medium, and it’s here to stay. So here are some of the most crucial tips that you should use to really maximize your text game and get women interested:
- Practice empathy and listening: Genuinely engage in what she says, showing you care.
- Use balanced pacing: Keep the conversation flowing, but don’t overwhelm or go radio silent. (And never double text her.)
- Utilize light-hearted humor: Wit can brighten a chat, but avoid easily misinterpreted sarcasm.
- Embrace authenticity: Be yourself and don’t overthink every response.
- Focus on quality: Meaningful interactions trump endless banter.
- Use open-ended engagement techniques: Use questions that invite elaboration, not just ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers.
- Avoid pure “interview mode”: Share about yourself; make it a two-way exchange.
- Learn to utilize timely transitions: Move from texting to real-life plans when the vibe feels right.
- Stay positive: Keep conversations generally upbeat.
- Be respectful and maintain boundaries: Recognize her comfort levels in topics and timing.
- Adapt and reflect: Gauge her engagement and adjust your approach as needed.
If you want to really dial-in your texting game as efficiently and quickly as possible, you may want to consider exploring our favorite texting course for men, the OPTIONS Texting System:
2. Always Deploy High Quality Text Game Whenever You Engage With a Woman
In other words—don’t become a dry, lazy, or boring texter yourself.
Also, avoid being ‘a sex seeking missile’ whose only goal is to get her into bed.
Remember—it’s a man’s responsibility to lead the dating interaction and set the proper tone. So the burden of responsibility rests upon your shoulders to make the conversation feel fun, exciting, and worth her time.
The men who take this responsibility seriously and act accordingly are going to tend to have much better luck on the sexual marketplace.
3. Sometimes, a Little Space Goes a Long Way
If you find that the conversation is starting to go dry on her end, try to ‘flip things around’ in your mind and realize that maybe you shouldn’t be as interested in talking to her as you’re making it seem.
In such cases, one of the best ‘first steps’ to solving this problem is to just put your phone away, stop texting her, text other women, and/or find something else to do for a while.
Sometimes, a bit of space will remind her that you’re an ‘in demand’ man with a lot to offer—and that may spur her to put more effort into the conversation and not just take it for granted.
Creating a little ‘scarcity’ will never hurt your chances.
4. Use Texting Primarily as a Tool to Set Up in Person Dates
While texting itself can be a valuable tool for building connection and engaging with her between dates, the ‘real magic’ is going to happen in real life.
Going on dates, being close to each other, having in-person conversations, touching each other, holding hands, kissing, making out, hooking up, going on adventures—these are the types of activities that are most likely to lead to legitimate bonding and increased sexual energy/attraction.
So the general rule of thumb is this:
Instead of becoming a ‘text buddy,’ make sure that you’re actually asking her out on real dates and putting effort into making those dates awesome.
The priority is to move from text to in-person as soon as possible.
5. Use ‘Preventative Action’ to Keep Your Text Conversations From Going Dry
They say that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
And when it comes to texting women, this is especially true.
In other words, by the time you realize that the conversation has gone dry—it’s highly likely that the damage has already been done, and that your odds for setting up a real date have drastically diminished.
Therefore, as a man, it’s in your best interest to make sure that every time you engage with her over text, you’re observing the proper rules and techniques to help ensure that you’ll keep the engagement moving forward in a fun, light-hearted, flirtatious manner.
Here are some tips that detail a more ‘proactive’ approach (tips that you should use early, before the conversation starts to go dry):
- Ask her out at the ‘energy peak’ of the conversation: Don’t wait for the energy to die down before asking her out.
- Offer thoughtful praise: Instead of “You’re beautiful,” say, “Your passion for music really shines when you talk about it.”
- Share engaging life moments: Briefly narrate an interesting part of your day, encouraging her to share hers.
- Expand on shared interests: If you both love hiking, ask, “Ever hiked at [specific trail]? It’s breathtaking in the fall.”
- Engage playful flirtation: Light teasing or witty remarks can add fun. Always be gentle and gauge her comfort.
- Suggest fun text challenges: Like “Guess my top three movies” or “Exchange and discuss our favorite songs.”
- Pique her curiosity: Share snippets like “Had an unexpected adventure today!” enticing her to know more.
- Delve beyond the surface: Occasionally share dreams or aspirations, fostering deeper connections.
- Maintain regular contact: A consistent chat rhythm, rather than sporadic bursts, builds a stable connection.
- Be her cheerleader: Celebrate her achievements and offer support during challenging times.
- Vary your communication: Use voice notes, songs, or pictures to enrich your texting dynamics.
- Don’t over-text: My rule of thumb is this—for every three texts she sends, you only really want to be sending two. In other words, the woman should be texting more. That will feel a lot more balanced on her end, and will prevent her from feeling like you’re ‘chasing’ her for attention.
- Keep living your own life: Avoid the common problem of ‘constantly being available to text with her.’ Keep going to the gym, leveling up your skills, learning, pursuing your dreams, hanging out with friends, etc. This doesn’t mean that you should avoid responding to her texts on purpose—but it does mean that you shouldn’t appear ‘constantly available’ to her. This will broadcast higher marketplace value levels and let her know that you’re an ‘in demand’ product.
Remember, keeping a conversation alive isn’t about playing games. It’s about building a genuine bond and mutual interest, while maintaining that delicate balance between scarcity and engagement.
6. If She Won’t Schedule a Date, It’s Probably Better to Walk Away
If you brought your A-game in the previous 5 steps, and did everything possible to spark an energetic conversation—and yet, still felt like it was impossible to get her to commit to going on a date with you, then odds are good that she’s legitimately not interested in you, and that you should probably move on to spend your time, effort, and energy on other women.
Top Things to Say When the Conversation Is Dry: The Cheat Sheet
First, let’s talk about some things that you should NOT do:
- Don’t get angry, upset, or frustrated
- Don’t allow yourself to react emotionally or negatively (remain stoic, gentlemen)
- Don’t try to ‘talk her into wanting to talk to you’
- Don’t ask her why she isn’t talking more
- Don’t blame her (in other words, take responsibility and learn from the interaction)
- Don’t assume that every woman is going to be a dry texter (every woman is going to be slightly different in this area)
Alright. Now here’s a fast cheat sheet of the exact texts that I’ll send if I’m starting to feel the energy shift in the conversation.
There are really only 2 different texts that I use in these situations.
- If we’ve already scheduled a date: Hey [name], I need to go get some work done. But thanks for talking! I hope you have a pleasant day.
- If we haven’t yet scheduled a date: Alright. I feel pretty confident at this point in ruling out the danger that you’re a serial killer. Would you like to join me for a coffee tomorrow evening at 7 pm, at [coffee place]?
Next, you wait. The ball is in her court. At this point, don’t chase her. If she doesn’t come to you, it’s generally best to move on and talk to other women.
I’d like to leave you with one more piece of advice.
Always keep working on yourself, increasing your own value as a man, and building yourself up with confidence and positivity.
Don’t let a dry text conversation with a woman disappoint you or drag you down.
There are always more possibilities on the horizon.
Keep your heads held high, gentlemen. Stay awesome, go with grace, and never give up your power.
Why is she dry texting me all of a sudden?
She might be dry texting you suddenly due to being busy, losing interest, feeling overwhelmed, or dealing with personal issues. Sometimes, it’s impossible to tell for sure why a text conversation is drying up—but it usually always comes down to one of two possibilities:
1. She’s just not that interested in you
2. Or, she is interested, but something else is going on that’s pulling her attention away
How do you stop a dry text conversation?
Introduce fresh topics, use open-ended questions, and occasionally suggest voice or video calls to rekindle interest. If the vibe remains stagnant, consider giving the conversation a brief break.
What are some good questions to ask when the conversation is dry?
– What’s a passion or hobby you’ve never shared with me before?
– If you could travel anywhere right now, where would you go?
– Have you watched any good movies or shows lately?
– What’s the most unexpected thing you’ve learned recently?
– Are there any events or adventures you’re looking forward to this year?