When I was less experienced with women, I had a huge problem with this.
I’d match with a woman on a dating app or get a number through a cold approach.
We’d talk for a little while.
Things would seem to be going really well.
Then, all of a sudden, she’d just stop texting.
I used to believe all of the typical soundbites that played through my mind when such instances occurred:
- Maybe she just got busy
- Maybe she dropped her phone and broke it
- Maybe she had a family emergency
- Maybe she needed to take a long drive, and doesn’t want to text while driving—just to be safe
Well, trust me when I say that I was in for a rather rude awakening.
When I finally learned about female nature, and came to understand the truth about what was typically going on when a woman didn’t text me back, I looked back on these adolescent mistakes with despair.
Let’s dive into the problem so that you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did.
What Does It Mean When a Girl Doesn’t Text You Back?
I’m going to put this in the nicest, simplest, most empathetic way possible, gentlemen.
When a girl doesn’t text you back, it’s because she either forgot about you or doesn’t want to talk to you.
It’s true that women do get busy, but we also live in a world where humans check their phones 96 times per day on average.
So she saw your message, no doubt. Not responding to it was a choice.
If She Doesn’t Text Back, Is She Not Interested?
When a woman is interested in a man, she’ll go to hell and back to be in his business.
She’ll move heaven and earth to find a way to get close to him, spend time with him, and get his attention.
If she’s at work, she’ll hide in the bathroom and send him a pic.
If she’s with family, she’ll find a way to flirty-message him.
If she’s on a road trip and driving, she’ll most definitely risk her life to send him at least a snap or two—especially if she’s really into him.
So, when she isn’t texting you back, she’s actually sending you a very powerful message.
That you’re not the #1 guy on her radar.
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What if She Doesn’t Text Back for Days?
Women only ‘proactively’ text back when they’re texting a man who’s truly gotten their attention.
This makes women different from men, because as men, we may proactively text a few different girls, even if they’re all not ‘exceptional’ to us, because we want to keep our options open.
This is because men are nature’s competitors, and women are the selectors.
So as men, the key is to stand out, be memorable, and create enough of a connection that we register as ‘exceptional’ on her radar.
What If She Doesn’t Text Back, but Then Hits You up Again?
This is one of those types of situations that can be really confusing.
When a woman stops texting you, stops responding to messages, or doesn’t respond to a date request, she’s probably either uninterested or trying to bide her time and feel out her other options.
She’s definitely texting someone. You can be absolutely sure of that.
And if it’s not you, it’s the guy who’s standing out to her the most at this point in time.
But, she may still hit you up from time to time. And she may still answer your texts, albeit maybe not in a timely fashion or with long-form language.
What does this mean?
Why would she do this if she wasn’t interested?
It’s Important to Understand How Female Nature Works
To put it simply, women tend to create a perimeter of orbiters around them. Orbiters are basically ‘friend-zoned’ guys who still like her and hold out hope that she might develop (or admit to having) feelings for them.
She may engage them just enough to keep them somewhat invested, especially if she derives benefits from their existence in her life.
These benefits usually consist of things like:
- Fighting boredom
- Getting free food, drinks, or rides
- A boost of self esteem (because you like her and she knows it)
- A backup plan in case the guy she really wants falls off the radar
With all of that being said, there’s still one glaringly obvious fact that remains true, even if she does consider you a backup plan.
These backup plans rarely materialize.
At the end of the day, it’s important to continue to keep your mindset on-point, by realizing that if she didn’t text you back, consistently and enthusiastically, it was because she just didn’t have genuine burning desire for you to begin with—which means that she’s unlikely to develop a serious interest in you moving forward.
Alright. I’ve smacked you with the bad news.
Now let’s talk about what to do about it.
7 Things to Do When a Girl Doesn’t Text Back
1. Take a Step Back
The first thing to do is to just take a step back and gather yourself.
Don’t get mad. Don’t get angry. Don’t send her another text—at least, not yet.
Women aren’t bad or evil creatures. They just want what they want, and even though it can feel bad when they don’t want us, it also feels really good when they do.
2. Learn about Female Nature
Women are quite similar to men in many ways, but they’re also very different. And when it comes to sex, attraction, and desire, women have very different core motivations and desires than men.
Read The Man’s Guide to Women by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman to learn a lot about what women care about and desire in men.
I would also seriously recommend reading Why Women Have Sex, by David M. Buss and Cindy M. Meston, if you really want to dive deeply into what modern women think about sex, how dating and relationships look from their end, and what really makes them tick.
We’ve actually published an entire list of the best dating books for men as well, so make sure to check that out. For best results, read every book on the list.
3. Distract Yourself by Texting Other Women
When one woman has stopped texting you, the best alternative is to simply text other women.
This distracts you, keeps you from looking desperate, and increases your odds for success.
If you don’t have any other women to text, then you’re probably actually running into a different issue.
You haven’t expanded your social circles enough.
It’s also important that you don’t get hung up on just one woman.
So get out there, meet some new women, and get some fresh numbers.
4. Focus On Bettering Yourself
Becoming a better man is an essential step for men who want to win on the dating marketplace.
This means putting time and effort every day into leveling up the mind, body, and spirit.
Adopt a morning routine that prepares you for success every day.
Adopt a meditation habit.
The more time, effort, and energy you put into improving yourself, the more attractive you’ll become—and the more women will organically desire you.
The higher the caliber of man you become, the easier it’ll be to attract women and make them want to text you back.
5. Don’t Double or Triple Text
One of the biggest mistakes men make when texting women is to double or triple text.
A double text is basically when you send a text, don’t get a reply, and then text her again, before she’s responded to the first one.
Here’s the problem.
Double/triple texting makes you look really desperate, clingy, and needy.
And there’s no greater turn-off for a woman than for a man to give off low-value desperation markers.
6. Try Again in a Day or Two
What if you’re texting a really hot girl and having a great conversation, only to have her go silent suddenly in the middle of it?
Why does this happen? And when it does, should you try to text her again after a day or two to see if you can rekindle things?
Well, there are a few different reasons for why this happens:
- She ended up getting a message from the guy she really wanted to text (the #1 guy on her radar)
- She lost interest and just didn’t want to respond anymore
- She got bored with the conversation
- She didn’t want to be your chat buddy, and when no date was made, she aborted the mission
- Your text got buried beneath 100-200 other texts, and you just didn’t stand out enough to her to justify her keeping up with the conversation
So, if this happens, what should you do about it?
This is a tricky one. But generally speaking, here’s my rule:
If the conversation was really good, and if I’m genuinely interested in this woman, then yes—I’ll generally try to text her again one more time if I haven’t heard from her in a few days.
This technically counts as double texting, so you never want to do it on the same day. You want to spread it out and make sure that there’s at least 8 to 12 hours between the last text you sent and this next one.
What Should You Say?
Here’s the thing. If you’re going to send her another message after being ignored, you need to make sure that any message you send communicates high value. You also want to make yourself stand out to her, as that’s probably why she didn’t respond in the first place—especially if she’s a really high value, beautiful woman.
You can go in one of two different directions here:
- Walk away and pursue other women (my personal preferred method)
- Try again with some strategic texts intended to get her attention
If you want to try option #2, there are three methods that I recommend. Use the one that feels more true to your style and personality.
Method #1: The Basic Value Method
This is the method I use. I call it the basic value method, and it’s pretty straightforward. If I want to text her again, here’s what I’ll do:
Step 1: I wait 2 to 3 days to give her a chance to respond.
Step 2: If she doesn’t respond, I send a text that looks something like this:
“Hey Julie, how was your weekend? Did you get to go on that trip you were telling me about?”
Basically, I’ll just do a quick, positive, up-beat check-in and reference something we’ve already talked about.
This shows her that I’m still interested, and communicates my high value (mostly because I didn’t get offended or negative.)
If that doesn’t stoke things further, I walk away and leave it be.
Method #2: The ‘Call Her Out’ Approach
John Anthony talks about this alternative method on his YouTube channel. I call it the ‘call her out’ approach.
In this approach, you sort of jokingly ‘call her out’ for ignoring you to try to win back her attention.
Step 1: You wait 8 to 12 hours to give her a chance to respond.
Step 2: If you don’t get a response, you’ll send this message:
Step 3: The next day, if she still hasn’t responded, you can send this message as a follow up.
“The award for best texter goes to…”
Step 4: If she doesn’t respond to that message, there’s one more text you can send. Of course, make sure that you send it 8 to 12 hours later, after she’s had time to respond to the last one.
“Why are you ignoring?”
And if she doesn’t respond to this one, or seems to be spotty in her responses, you should probably consider it a no go and just disengage. If she’s interested in rekindling it, she’ll pick it back up (but she likely won’t).
Method #3: The Humorous Approach
This approach keeps it light, but also allows you to get your sense of humor across if you haven’t had a chance to do so already.
Step 1: 8 to 12 hours or more after not receiving a follow-up text, ask if she’s ok—but do so with a humorous undertone. Here’s an example that a friend of mine often uses.
“You must have got run over by a tractor, I hope you’re ok?”
Step 2: If she doesn’t respond to this one, it’s best to take the hint and move on.
Remember to Communicate Your Value
You need to be careful to maintain masculine frame, and not get in your feelings or get needy when a girl doesn’t return your text.
If she’s really hot, and you still want to try to salvage it, then sending texts like these may give you a chance to do so without losing face.
But you have to make sure that you do it with the right mindset. Be masculine, non-clingy, and not too serious. You’re almost just joking with her, teasing her, giving her a hard time.
You’re not actually trying to be ‘mad’ at her, because that would be a really low value marker.
7. If In Doubt, Walk Away
It can be demoralizing to get left hanging in a text conversation with a girl you were genuinely interested in.
But as a man, there are two vital pieces of advice that you must keep in the forefront of your mind at all times:
- The more you work on yourself and the more attractive you become, the easier it’ll be to have women wanting to text you
- Not everyone is going to be into you, and that’s ok
When a woman isn’t into you, remember that it doesn’t mean that you’re not a man of value.
It just means that it’s time to walk away, hold your head high, continue to work on yourself, and apply what you’ve learned to making the next conversation even better.
If you’re struggling with asking girls out on dates via text, bookmark our 6-step guide to asking girls out and check it out later.
Next Steps: Why You Need to Develop an Abundance Mindset
Regardless of whether you’re online dating, meeting women in real life, texting, running game, or just meeting girls in your social groups, it’s vitally important to adopt a true abundance mentality.
In other words, you need to live your life and formulate your mindset as if you’re already a high value, successful alpha male with plenty of sexual options.
How do you achieve this if you haven’t managed to ‘win’ with the ladies yet?
Hang out with friends and family. Pursue your hobbies. Focus on your work and excel at it. Men are most attractive when they’re effective at the things they choose to pursue.
This also means that you’ll need to completely do away with desperation, neediness, clinginess, or victim mentality thinking.
A scarcity mentality broadcasts powerful low-value signals that women are exceptionally keen at picking-up on. This is one of the big problems that omega males run into.
If you’re living with a scarcity mindset, women will sense it—and they’ll end up asking themselves questions like “Why is this guy so desperate? Why don’t other women want him? Maybe there’s something wrong with him, so I don’t want him either!”
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand all of the vital steps you should take when a girl doesn’t text you back.
But remember, at the end of the day, your success with women always hinges on one very important thing.
Your value as a man.
So make sure to always be leveling up your mind, body, and spirit. Always continue to pursue your purpose, stay confident, and cultivate an incredible life for yourself first. When women see that, they’ll be even more interested in getting to know you.
For more tips and advice for men, make sure to follow us on YouTube.
Go with grace my friends. And never give up your power.
She didn’t text back, how long should I wait?
Sometimes, women do get busy. If she doesn’t text you back for 20-30 minutes, but then texts you later on, it could mean that she got busy with things.
But if she goes more than 8 hours without texting you, that’s a pretty powerful sign that she wasn’t just busy, but that she intentionally didn’t prioritize talking to you.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t have a chance with her. But it does mean that as things stand right now, she’s not really that into you, and that you’re definitely not the number one guy on her radar.
What should I text when a girl doesn’t reply on Tinder?
In my opinion, the best course of action to take when a girl doesn’t reply to you on Tinder is to wait for a day or two, and then try her again, one more time.
Tinder messaging is different from text-messaging. You haven’t gotten her number yet, so you want to tread a bit delicately and try to go for the close (setting up a date).
Treat it almost like you’re ‘stopping back by,’ and don’t mention the fact that you didn’t get a reply from her last time.
Here’s an example of a Tinder message I might send when I haven’t heard back from a girl in a day or two. I think that referencing something you talked about earlier in a positive frame is a good move in this situation. In this example, we’ll say that the girl and I talked about our workout routines before, when the texting was really flowing.
“Hey, how’s your Thursday going? Just got done at the gym. Did you get your workout in today?”
You could even make it sillier or more outlandish than this, to be more playful and get her attention. You definitely want to stay upbeat and positive. If you’re a fun-loving guy who seems to exude confidence and happiness, she’s going to be far more likely to be interested in you.
Should you call a girl if she doesn’t text back?
No. I think that the best time to call a girl is when you’ve been texting her and having a really great conversation. Then, at some point, you can surprise her with a call and chat her up (which is a great way to facilitate building a deeper connection).
If you’ve been busy and gotten some texts from her, but haven’t had a chance to respond, that’s also a good time to give her a call—especially if you’re driving and are just too busy to send an actual text.
But if she’s not texting you back, I don’t usually think that it’s a good move to make a phone call. There’s just too much of a chance for you to look desperate or needy if that’s how you handle her not responding to a text.