Not too long ago, I had a frank conversation with a friend of mine.
He was opening up to me about his dating life, and admitted that he had never formed a truly genuine connection with a woman.
He had hooked-up a few times. But he felt like something was keeping him from being able to form the kinds of ‘real’ relationships he wanted with beautiful women.
In other words, he had never had a girlfriend.
Granted, he was still in his younger twenties. So he still had time to figure out how to date, relate to women, understand female nature, and succeed at the whole ‘dating thing.’
But in the aftermath of our conversation, I started to ask myself:
Why does this happen?
Why do some men struggle to find a girlfriend, especially in a world where so many women seem so desperate to find a man and settle down?
Well, I jotted down all of the important points from our conversation. I also pored over my own experiences, and started outlining everything I’d learned from my own relationships and through coaching other men.
I even dug deep into my books for extra research, and came up with a few points that I hadn’t considered before.
And I’m going to share them with you in this post.
This is everything you need to know. The 15 primary reasons for why you’ve never had a girlfriend.
Not every point will apply to you. But here’s the key:
The goal is to identify the points that you’re having trouble with, so that you can overcome them and create the kind of dating life you’ve always wanted.
Let’s jump in.
15 Honest Reasons Why You’ve Never Had a Girlfriend
1. You’re Not Embracing Masculine Frame
When you fail to walk in true masculine frame, women see you as ineffective.
You’re not dominant. You’re not responsible. You’re not trustworthy.
You may be a really nice guy. You may even have your life together, and you probably have a lot of talent and other attributes to bring to the table.
But if you fail to succeed at displaying true masculine frame when you interact with women, you’ll give off a low value signal that’ll turn all women off.
Women will get the sense that you’re not a masculine man.
To turn this around, start making yourself your own mental point of origin.
Start embracing true masculine power in your life.
Start with some simple changes:
- Start doing what you say you’re going to do
- Start being honest, both with yourself and with others
- Get control of your life and start leveling up
- Leave behind any shame you feel about being a man
- Understand that women are beauty objects, and that men are success objects, and embrace this truth instead of running from it
- Start setting healthy boundaries and enforcing them in your life
Want to go more in-depth on this? Pick up a copy of the book To Be A Man: A Guide To True Masculine Power, by Robert Augustus Masters.
2. You’re Not Leveling Up in Life
If you don’t have a lot to offer in life, high-value women simply aren’t going to pay much attention to you.
Status, power, wealth, intelligence, physical fitness, ambition, and industriousness all play into this.
To truly win with women, you need to make long-term investments in yourself by constantly choosing to level-up in mind, body, and spirit.
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Start spending time every day working on yourself to become a truly high-value man—the kind of man that women crave.
You can literally get started today:
You don’t even have to go crazy with these things right now.
Right now, my diet/workout routine literally consists of limiting my food intake to just fruits, vegetables, and lean meat, and walking for 1 to 2 hours per day.
I’ve only been on this plan for 3 weeks, and I’ve already lost 6 pounds.
You don’t have to go crazy to start seeing results.
You just have to adopt better habits and put energy into them on a daily basis.
3. You’ve Embraced a Victim Mentality
Do you give up easily? Do you complain a lot? Do you often feel sorry for yourself?
If so, you may be embracing a victim mentality instead of a winner’s mentality.
This is one of the primary characteristics of the omega male.
This type of man feels that women aren’t fair, that society is set up for men to fail, and that there’s little point in trying if you’re not rich or don’t have rock star good looks.
This mindset will only lead you down a path of suffering, sadness, and loneliness.
And most importantly, living with a victim mentality is the opposite of living with true, powerful masculine frame.
Life isn’t kind, and sometimes you’re going to get knocked down.
But victims and winners handle this differently.
Victims desire pity, while winners desire to get back on the horse and try again.
Women detest victims.
Because their primary characteristic is weakness.
High-value, effective men will never live life with a victim mentality, period.
4. You’ve Succumbed to Approach Anxiety
A lot of men falsely believe that the perfect woman should just fall into their lap. But the truth is that it just doesn’t work that way.
If you want a girlfriend, you’re going to have to create opportunities for meeting beautiful women.
And the only way to do this is to:
- Organically expand your social circles
- Walk up and introduce yourself to the beautiful women you encounter within those social circles
When opportunities happen, you’re going to have to be the man and approach her.
Some men really struggle with this—hence the term ‘approach anxiety.’
Don’t get me wrong. Walking up to a woman, putting your self-esteem on the line, and risking rejection isn’t always easy or fun.
But overcoming this challenge is a crucial part of beating the ‘no girlfriend’ problem.
Want to overcome it? Just start facing your fear and approaching women anyway.
Remember this. A strong, powerful, high-value man isn’t put off by rejection. He would rather be rejected 100 times than to never try.
He knows that he has a lot to offer. And so, rejection isn’t enough to shake his confidence.
If you want to learn more about how to overcome approach anxiety, I highly recommend you read Kezia Noble’s book The Noble Guide To Seducing Women:
5. You Lack Confidence
Do you tend to be shy?
Do you often talk yourself down before you even get a chance to win?
Maybe you lack experience. Maybe the fact that you’ve never succeeded with women has gnawed away at your self esteem, and now you feel like you’re about two inches tall.
Hey. I get it. That’s a real thing.
But here’s what you need to understand.
Women desire confident men.
Learning to appear (and be) confident is a crucial skill that’ll help you to avoid giving off low-value markers when interacting with women.
A man with low self-confidence sends out a powerful message about himself.
“I’m not confident because I’m not effective, competent, or good at anything. I don’t have anything worthwhile to offer. That’s why I doubt myself.”
Check out this post by my favorite body-language expert Vanessa Van Edwards to learn how to be (and seem) more confident.
She explores this topic in much more detail in her excellent book Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People.
6. You Never Expand Your Social Circles
If you never expand your social circles, you’re never going to meet anyone.
I’ve heard hundreds of men complain about how they never meet women. And yet, when I ask them what they’re doing with their time, they say things like:
“I mostly just stay home, watch shows, watch anime, smoke weed, and hang out with my friends. I don’t really go out or do anything different. I’m just kind of introverted, I guess.”
Well, guess what. That approach isn’t going to work. In fact, that approach is the perfect example of how not to get a girlfriend.
If you want to meet women, you need to expand your social circles.
That’s the bottom line.
Check out this guide to learn how to meet women and approach them.
Want a plan that you can start implementing today?
Start saying ‘yes’ to two new social events every week that bring you into social circles you don’t normally spend time in.
You may not usually say ‘yes’ to that happy hour with your aunt’s friends, or to those barbecues that your boss keeps inviting you to.
But these are the types of things you should start saying ‘yes’ to if you want to organically expand your social circles and meet new people.
Pro tip: It doesn’t matter if there are attractive women in these circles or not. Try to focus on doing things that you enjoy. Don’t stress about whether or not there’s anyone ‘eligible’ attending or not.
That’s not the point.
The point is to just meet new people, and then to follow new opportunities as they present themselves.
You never know who’s sister or friend you may meet and take a fancy to.
7. Your Inner Circle Consists of Losers
Does your inner circle consist of men who mostly just go to work at a dead-end job, and then come home to play video games or watch porn—without putting any extra thought or effort into their futures?
Do your ‘friends’ consist of men who don’t ever succeed with women?
Does your friend group consist of guys who are mostly earning a minimum wage income, who aren’t constantly leveling-up to become great, high-value men?
You’re going to be about as successful (both in life and with women) as the 5 people you spend the most time with.
And one of the quickest ways to make sure you never grow is to spend too much time around other men who aren’t growing.
Start spending time around men who are winning in the same ways that you want to win.
It matters. Women notice it, and it impacts your journey and frame.
Want to meet some seriously high-value men who like to win in life?
Consider signing up for martial arts, boxing, or MMA classes.
Men who take these types of classes tend to be winners. They’re used to taking hits and getting back up again.
It takes grit and determination to continue getting the snot beat out of you twice a week.
That’s the kind of energy you need in your life.
You can also read biographies of great men who have succeeded in the past. Read Total Recall to learn about the incredible true story of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s life.
Or read The Everything Store to learn about the life and story of Jeff Bezos—the man who built Amazon:
If you don’t have any high-profile men in your circle, studying them can be a great way to learn and synthesize their powerful habits in your own life.
8. You’re Afraid to Assert Yourself Sexually
I once coached a guy who was terrified of putting ‘the moves’ on women.
As it turned out, he was terrified of it because he saw it as being disrespectful.
But this is exactly what ‘white knight’ syndrome is. And to be honest, it comes from deep-set sexual shame.
Does this sound like you?
- You’re too nice
- You play it safe
- You friendzone yourself
- You’re afraid to flirt
- You’re afraid to touch women
- You’re afraid of women getting offended at you if you make a move
- You don’t understand how to touch women in ways that won’t freak them out
If so, there are some things you need to know.
Here’s the truth.
Women aren’t interested in men who don’t sexually assert themselves.
Yes, it can be scary to sexually escalate with a woman. A lot of men are afraid of rejection, and it doesn’t always feel ‘safe’ to put yourself on the chopping block like that.
A lot of men also feel like it’s ‘inherently wrong’ to sexualize women, or to make moves in an effort to sexually escalate.
But if you never assert yourself sexually and show women that you’re sexually interested in them, you’re always going to get friendzoned.
Women want men who are confident in their masculine frame—men who aren’t afraid to sexualize a woman and display their full desire for her.
She doesn’t want a ‘friend’ who’s trying to sneak into her pants through the back door. This type of man still wants sex. He’s just too afraid of her to come right out and let her know.
That’s why she’s not attracted to him.
She wants a man who’ll pull her into his frame, regardless of who’s watching, and leave no doubt in her mind about what he wants.
If you tend to struggle to assert yourself, Alan Roger Currie’s book, Mode One, may be a very worthwhile read for you:
9. You Don’t Dress Well
If you don’t take time to look your best, your dating life is obviously going to suffer.
This is one of the easiest things for men to control.
And yet, most men really struggle with it.
I had a really hard time with this when I was younger.
I had zero fashion sense as a teenager, and this carried on into my twenties.
But as a younger man, I was able to get away with it by throwing on a graphic tee, some Converse shoes, and some nice jeans.
Well, the older you get, the less you can get away with dressing like a slob.
And eventually, I had to learn how to dress myself appropriately.
It did wonders for my dating life. The difference was night and day.
When I’m out and about in a nice suit, polished shoes, and a well-groomed beard, women look me up and down everywhere I go.
It matters, gentlemen. It truly matters.
Kick the sloppiness to the side. Start making sure that you smell good and look good before heading out the door.
Use some quality soap, and shower often.
Adopt a skincare routine.
Ditch the schoolboy locker-room sprays, and start wearing the right cologne for you.
To pull it all together, check out this simple guide on how to look better as a man.
Need to learn how to dress to impress on a first date? This post is for you.
There’s just no excuse for dressing sloppy. The competition is too fierce, and you can’t afford to be lazy in this department.
10. You’re Chasing Women Instead of Your Purpose
This is going to sound really counter-intuitive.
But if you want women to chase and desire you, you need to be chasing things other than women.
If you make yourself too available, or don’t look like a man chasing his purpose, you’re going to give off low value markers.
Men, don’t be misled by some of the ‘sound bytes’ you hear on the modern dating landscape.
Contrary to what you’ve heard, women don’t want to be your focus or mission.
They want to date a man with a purpose, and they want to walk beside him as he accomplishes his objective.
This is one of the main differences between a high-value man and a low value man.
High-value men make their life mission the objective, while low value, sexually scarce men are totally focused on women.
Do you know what your purpose in life is?
Start by figuring that out. Then, start working toward it.
11. You’re Desperate
Do you tend to reveal your emotions far too early? Do you tend to get emotional about the relationship too soon? Are you often the one who initiates the ‘where do we stand’ talk, only to realize that women tend to pull away?
Do you tend to suffer from oneitis?
Do you get pushy, or seem a little too excited to take things to the next level?
Do you often complain to your dates about how you can never get women to take you seriously long-term?
This is a hard truth to realize, but you may need to hear it.
If any of these sound even remotely like you, then there’s a very good chance that you’re coming off as needy, clingy, sexually scarce, and low value.
Here’s the issue.
Desperate men tend to put women on a pedestal.
And when you do this, you send a powerful subconscious message.
That she’s better than you, which is why you’re in such a ‘hurry’ to seal the deal.
This scares women away.
Why would they want a man who thinks that she’s better than them?
Why would they want a man who’s ‘desperate’ to get a girlfriend?
This goes against female nature.
Women are hypergamous.
They want the very best man they can possibly get.
And they’re usually not willing to settle for a man who thinks that he’s beneath her.
Men who act desperate send a powerful message with their behavior.
“I’m so low value that I’m desperate for even one woman to pay attention to me.”
To overcome this mindset, you may need to go ‘monk’ for a bit.
Forget about women, make a plan for your life, and start working on yourself for a few months.
When you start to get your confidence back and overcome your desperate frame of mind, then you can re-enter the dating scene and start re-framing your interactions with women in true masculine frame.
12. You Don’t Understand Female Nature
It’s incredibly important for you to understand female nature.
If you don’t take time to learn about it, it’ll come back to bite you.
For example, if she thinks that:
- All you want is sex
- She’s better than you
- She brings more to the table than you
- You’re not sexually asserting yourself enough
- You tend to divulge every single detail of your life to her on the first date
She’s not going to be interested.
Because women evolved to desire high-value, effective, masculine men. And high-value men don’t give off any of these types of vibes.
Don’t get me wrong, understanding female nature isn’t easy.
But once you figure out the basics, everything will make a lot more sense.
I would recommend that you read all three of these incredible books to build a better foundation of knowledge when it comes to women, how they act, how they think, and how they approach the dating marketplace.
The Rational Male, by Rollo Tamassi.
Why Women Have Sex, by Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss.
The Man’s Guide to Women, by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman.
It may seem like a lot.
But once you understand women and how they think about dating, your entire worldview will shift—and your dating life will improve dramatically, because you’ll understand the rules of the game.
13. You Don’t Possess Any Dating Skills
Whenever men come to me to help them with their dating problems, I can usually quickly figure out where they’re going wrong by assessing which of the major dating skills they’re having an issue with.
To put it simply, there are 5 overarching dating skills:
- Building Connection
- Sexual Escalation
When a man understands these core dating skills and how to transition smoothly from one to the next, he’ll have a much better time engaging with women and moving interactions along.
More than anything, these skills help men to ‘get out of their own way,’ and have real, authentic interactions with women.
But a lot of men go wrong by messing up one or more of them.
If you get stuck on one, there’s a good chance that you’ll fail at making it all the way to ‘closing.’
In other words—you won’t get anywhere with women. You’ll probably feel super confused, and you’ll probably feel very frustrated.
This post will give you a full breakdown of these dating skills, how they fit together, and how you can utilize them to escalate interactions with women.
If you want to dig deeper into the art of having real, genuine, authentic interactions with women and escalating encounters to move them forward, Mark Manson’s book Models is a valuable source:
From the highly renowned author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and written in Manson's usual engaging tone, this book will teach you how to be more honest, vulnerable, and guide you to set boundaries so that you can truly connect with women and attract them without manipulation.
14. You’re Not Acting Your Age
This is something that a lot of people don’t think about.
But for some men, this is a big problem.
There are a lot of young men who are trying to date while acting older, more successful, and more sophisticated than they are.
At the same time, there are a lot of older men out there dating while wearing skater shorts, graphic tees, and sneakers.
In other words, many men are just plain acting like they’re either older or younger than they are.
But here’s what you need to understand.
Acting your own age gives you a big advantage, and helps you to play to your specific age-related strengths.
Young men lack the sophistication, experience, and success that older men can bring to the table.
So for a younger man, trying to compete with these things only puts you at a disadvantage.
Instead, play to your strengths.
Be young, reckless, adventurous, and a bit of a bad boy.
You may be green—but you’ve got your youth and all of your potential ahead of you.
Don’t try to be something you’re not.
And the same is true for older men.
Don’t try to play the role of the ‘young rocker-style dude’ if you’re 45, 50, or 55.
This is the time to embrace those grey hairs, to flex the money you’ve earned during your career, and to act like a more ‘mature’ man who has it together.
You probably have more sophistication and security to offer.
Be your age. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t.
Women love young men and older men for different reasons. Let those reasons be, and just play to your greatest strengths.
15. You’re Not Making Any Real Money
Women want attractive men for one-night stands.
But in the long-term, they desire men who can provide safety and security.
And nowadays, that means that women are highly attracted to men who make bank.
It isn’t the only thing that women care about—but it does matter.
David M. Buss describes this perfectly in his book The Evolution of Desire:
Because ancestral women faced the tremendous burdens of internal fertilization, a nine-month gestation, and lactation, they would have benefited tremendously by selecting mates who possessed resources. These preferences helped our ancestral mothers solve the adaptive problems of survival and reproduction for themselves and their children.
In other words, women care about resource potential because evolution selected women who selected men with greater resource potential.
Because those were the women who had the greatest odds for survival—and so, they were the ones who tended to survive.
As a man, it’s really important to have a plan for making serious money in your lifetime.
In this day and age, to be really honest, an hourly-wage job (unless you’re going to be a surgeon or a lawyer or something like that) isn’t enough to make you independently wealthy.
Your best bet for solving this problem is to follow these very simple steps:
- Get a job so that you have money coming in
- Work on a high income skill and start practicing it as a side hustle (for me, this was content writing)
- Eventually, your side hustle will far exceed your 9 to 5 income, allowing you to quit your job and snowball your hustle to earn even more
- Eventually, you’ll earn enough money to start building assets, or even your own business
- Map out your future. Come up with a plan to earn serious money
In this day and age, if a man wants to be a truly high-level man, he needs to be working on a plan for earning six figures or better while he’s sleeping.
In other words, you need to have assets or a business—something that doesn’t require you to work by the hour to earn a paycheck.
Ready to Make it Happen? Here’s How to Get a Girlfriend
You just got a crash course on the 15 major things to avoid.
It’s time to focus on what you should do.
Now that your head is in the right space, and you know how to avoid the most common pitfalls that a lot of men get stuck in, it’s time to crank up the charm and do the right things so that you can check that ‘get a girlfriend’ task off your list, once and for all.
These are the six steps you should take to get a girlfriend.
Step 1: Get Your Mindset Right
Start developing a strong masculine frame in your life.
Take responsibility for yourself.
Cast aside your victim mentality, and adopt a winner’s mentality instead.
Step 2: Start Leveling Up
Level up mind, body, and spirit.
The best way to do this is to start developing better daily habits to replace the not-so-good ones.
Instead of an hour of video games, go for a walk.
Instead of drinking that soda, drink fresh lemon water.
Instead of watching that TV drama, meditate or do some yoga.
Start leveling up to become a better man.
Step 3: Expand Your Social Circles
You’re never going to get a girlfriend if you don’t go out and do stuff.
You don’t have to overthink this.
Just say ‘yes’ to two social things every week that you normally wouldn’t say ‘yes’ to.
If nobody invites you to anything, get on Meetup.com, find some cool events near you, and go to them.
Start getting out, introducing yourself to people, and making new friends.
Sooner or later, if you keep doing this, you’re going to start meeting beautiful women.
Step 4: Begin Approaching Women
Overcome your approach anxiety by making yourself a simple rule.
You must approach at least one woman every day, and ask her for her number.
Are you going to get it wrong and mess up a lot?
But that’s how you learn.
If you want to win with women, you need to learn how to approach and engage.
And the best way to learn is through experience.
Step 5: Start Practicing Your Game
Once you start getting comfortable talking to women, you can start learning more about game, dating skills, and how to interact with women in ways that’ll yield more successful results.
Read The Noble Art of Seducing Women, by Kezia Noble, to help you with this.
Step 6: Find the Girl You Want
Once you start scoring dates, you’re going to realize that the world is your oyster.
You’ll realize that you’ll have the ability to date multiple women at once, and you should.
Play the field. Figure out what types of women you enjoy, and learn about women by experiencing them.
Eventually, however, you’ll find that ‘special’ girl who really stands out from the others.
She’ll be recognizable because she’ll be your favorite.
She’ll be hotter, the sex will be better, she’ll be a better person, and you’ll start to realize that going out with these ‘other girls’ is a waste of time, because that’s time that you could be spending with her.
Well, congratulations. If you’ve made it to this point, then you’ve probably found the one—the girl who’s going to eventually become your first girlfriend.
You’ve worked hard to get here. But hey—enjoy it, because you deserve it.
I just have one more crucial piece of advice, and it has to do with ‘making things official.’
Let Her Initiate ‘The Talk’
A lot of men jump the gun and try to lock down their favorite girl.
But you need to be careful about this.
The best rule of thumb is to let her approach you with the ‘where do we stand’ talk.
Until she does that, keep casually dating and living life as a single man.
Eventually, if she truly desires you, she’ll be ready to sit you down and ‘lock you down.’
And if you agree to the terms, you’ll have entered your first boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
Hopefully, this post has helped you to understand the reasons for why some men have never had a girlfriend.
I also hope that it has given you some serious food-for-thought about why some men still seem to stay ‘hopelessly single,’ even with all of these hot single women running around.
The whole goal is to continue to become the best man you can be.
Chase your purpose, keep improving, and keep learning.
For more tips, techniques, and advice, make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel.
Go with grace, gentlemen, and never give up your power.
What are the signs a guy has never had a girlfriend?
It’s actually pretty difficult to tell if a guy has never had a girlfriend unless he comes right out and says so. But to me, the most obvious ‘tell’ in such a situation is when a man doesn’t seem to understand how to interact with women.
If he’s overly cautious with everything he says, tries really hard not to come off as rude, and is just ‘over the top nice’ when interacting with the ladies, then in my mind, that’s at least a piece of evidence that makes me think that there’s a possibility he’s never had a girlfriend.
With that being said, you never know for sure. You can’t judge a book by its cover.
I’ve never had a girlfriend at 30. Why?
Some men struggle with women early in life, and get caught up in negative cycles. They may struggle with approach, engaging women, building connection, sexually escalating, or closing.
Some men are very ‘linear’ thinkers, and that makes it difficult for them to interface with women. But here’s the truth.
No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to get started.
If you truly want a girlfriend, then read over the above 15 reasons for why some men never get a girlfriend, and start working on eliminating the problems.
Replace bad habits with good ones. And pretty soon, beautiful women will start coming out of the woodwork to flirt with you.