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Why Do I Want a Girlfriend So Bad? 11 Likely Reasons and What to Do Next

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Joshua Sigafus

Dating, Relationships

Joshua has 15 years of writing experience within the complex territories of dating, masculinity, and relationships. His own personal life journey was kick-started by a pivotal marital breakdown of his own and led him down a path of self-discovery and masculine transformation, culminating in him developing a career as a men's dating coach. Read full bio.

Last Updated: Oct 27, 2023
13 min read
Why Do I Want a Girlfriend so Badly Black Couple Content and Laughing

Back when my marriage fell apart in 2017, one of the first goals I set for myself was to improve my dating life.

And it all linked back to one simple desire. 

I wanted a girlfriend.

The truth of the matter was that I wanted another chance to succeed in a relationship.

I’d see good-looking, happy, successful men all around me who had these beautiful women hanging on their arms—and I really wanted to be that type of man.

I had some pretty serious dating problems after my marriage ended. But this desire to pair bond with a beautiful woman and bring her into my life was really the goal that drove me forward in my quest to learn how to date, educate myself about human mating behavior, and figure out how to understand female nature for what it truly is. 

Well, fast forward a few years—and I definitely succeeded at my goal. And yes, it was 100% worth the effort. 

However, through succeeding in this process, I learned that it’s also important to understand our own masculine nature as well—to identify a better understanding for why we feel the things we feel so that we can properly quantify those desires and feelings in our rational minds as men. 

And today, that’s exactly what you’re going to learn. 

You’re going to learn the natural masculine truth for why you want a girlfriend so bad and how to quantify that desire to help you achieve it. 

Let’s dive into it.

Why Do I Want a Girlfriend So Badly? 

1. Humans Thrive When Socially Connected

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The truth of the matter is that humans aren’t solitary creatures.

Scientific evidence strongly points to the fact that social connection is a core psychological need for humans—and honestly, this makes total sense. 

The reason we’ve become the dominant species on the planet is because when we work together, we’re capable of much bigger things than we can achieve alone. 

For example, hunting a woolly mammoth would have been impossible for one caveman. 

But for 12 cavemen with spears and ropes, it became totally doable. 

And this same basic cooperative instinct drives us to want to date, mate, and pair bond. 

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2. Desiring an Intimate Partner Is Natural and Normal

intimacy quote

As human beings, we’re stimulated and nourished by all levels of intimacy and communication with others of our kind.

This is why we generally tend to prefer to have lunch with a friend than to dine alone, and why we prefer to play games with other people as opposed to by ourselves. 

This is also why we tend to want to engage in all forms of intimacy with other humans, as opposed to just trying to create intimacy on our own. 

We derive a special natural value from intimacy with others.

3. You Crave Sexual Intimacy

sexual shame quote

Nowadays, some men feel demonized for being honest about the fact that one of their core motivations for wanting a girlfriend is often closely associated with the desire to have some hot, awesome sex on a regular basis. 

And guess what? There’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, science tells us that sex is really good for you

Desiring high-quality sex with a regular intimate partner is a fantastic reason for wanting a girlfriend, and is a sign that you’re probably a normal, healthy male—so never be ashamed of it. 

4. You’re Driven (By Your Instincts) To Reproduce

Don’t get it twisted. 

Rationally speaking, you may realize that you’re either not ready for fatherhood or that this isn’t a desire that’s on your radar in any specific capacity right now. 

With that being said, there’s still a deeply embedded internal drive within your masculine programming that pushes you to engage in behaviors that are more likely to lead to reproduction. 

I.e. you see beautiful women, you want to be intimate and have sex with them.

Once again, this instinct is very natural and normal. And it could very well be playing into your desire for a girlfriend.

5. Men and Women Complement Each Other

Nowadays, it’s more obvious than ever that there’s a bit of ‘conflict’ between the sexes. 

However, it’s also true that men and women have a great deal of complementary, cooperative potential. 

The simple fact of the matter is that men and women tend to perform at their best when they work together.

And your instinct/desire to have a girlfriend may actually be pushing you in this direction.

6. Intimacy Makes Life Better

healthy intimacy quote

There are actually a lot of substantive health benefits to intimacy. 

Men who hold hands with, cuddle with, kiss, make out with, and have sex with attractive women gain all kinds of awesome health advantages in life. 

It’s also true that men tend to live longer, healthier lives when they’re engaging in long-term, committed relationships with women. Some studies have even shown that married men tend to live healthier, longer lives than single men.  

7. Having a Woman in Your Life Is Awesome

Nowadays, unfortunately, a lot of men have a negative viewpoint of women. 

This partly comes from the difficulty of dealing with rejection—but it can also come from past traumatic experiences with women or bad relationships, and/or even from consuming anti-woman content on the internet. 

But the truth of the matter is that women are amazing. 

Personally, I love having women in my life. 

I highly value time spent with my girlfriend, and she makes my life infinitely better in all kinds of different ways. 

Don’t get it twisted. As men, we shouldn’t need a woman to make our life awesome or to validate us.

However, adding a high-value woman to your already awesome life is a fantastic way to make it even better. 

And your instincts undoubtedly understand this on a subconscious level. 

8. You Desire Companionship

As men, we should learn to be comfortable in our own skin. 

And we should learn to be strong enough to walk alone, especially through certain seasons of life. 

With that being said, it’s also true that this is not a long-term strategy for success. 

Even the strongest, toughest, most masculine men thrive with high-quality, high-value companionship. 

This is where the tribe leadership mentality really comes from. 

And guess what? Finding an intimate partner (i.e. a girlfriend) is really the first step in the tribe-building process. 

Filling that intimate partner slot in your life will reward you with all kinds of high-quality companionship.

And your masculine instincts doubtlessly realize this.  

9. You Sense the Importance of Building a Family and Tribe

start a family quote

If you truly want to become an alpha male, it’s important that you take a leadership role in the building of your own tribal infrastructure, circle, family, and community. 

In other words, just joining social groups and becoming active isn’t enough for leadership-oriented men. 

As a man, there’s likely a part of you that probably understands your masculine need to be building something bigger and more significant than yourself. 

And building a family fits right into this. 

Hence, why your instincts may be urging you to find a high-quality woman and girlfriend—to accomplish the first step in this process.

10. You Instinctively Want to Move Forward in Life

As men, we can only go so far in life on our own. 

True strength and power to create a legacy comes from our ability to build a tribe, interface with other humans, network, and work together cooperatively to achieve bigger things than we could ever achieve on our own.

And guess what? 

Adding a girlfriend to your life could very well be the very first step in this process. 

Your instincts may be telling you that it’s time to take the next step in life—to begin building your own tribe and moving forward to the next chapter. 

This is truly a rite of passage for all alpha-mentality men and your instincts likely understand this even better than you do. 

11. Pair-Bonding Is a Natural Progression for Masculine Men

There’s a prevailing mentality in some online men’s groups that says that men don’t need women to succeed in life

But this is barely a half-truth. 

The fact of the matter is that as men, we should be focused on our purpose first—and we should always prioritize this and our own self-development over everything else, including the pursuit of female attention. 

With that being said, it’s also true that pair bonding is actually a very natural progression for healthy masculine men. 

This is a chapter of your masculine development that you shouldn’t ignore. 

Sure, you should wait until you’re ready. 

But there should come a time in every man’s life when he decides that he’s ready to stop ‘dating in the wild,’ and prepared to embark upon the process of settling down with a high-value woman to start a family.

And getting a girlfriend is the very first step in this process. 

This is a very natural progression for men. And while it can be a scary step, it shouldn’t be one that you shy away from for too long.

Take Action: 3 Things to Do Next

Alright. Now that you understand some of the reasons for why you may be feeling this intense desire to get a girlfriend—let’s talk about what to do about it and how to make it happen for you. 

1. Start Working On Yourself

This is absolutely the baseline foundational starting point for succeeding in the dating arena.  

As men, we must always be striving to become our best selves. 

Start by reading this guide, and following the steps to start working on yourself every single day. 

Here are some additional steps that you can take, along with guides to help you get started. 

2. Learn More About Human Mating Behavior

Listen—this dating stuff is tough enough as it is. 

But for men who don’t understand how it works, it’s downright frustrating. 

You don’t want to be the type of man who ends up defeated in his own dating life because he failed to understand the rules of the game. 

We’ve published an extensive list of guides, as well as a complete dating book list to help you understand the entire dating process. 

But in order to help you get started on the right foot, we’ve compiled a list of the top 7 guides to start with—to give you the best possible jump-off point. 

Read these guides to seriously level up your knowledge of the dating game. Trust me—you’ll be glad you did. 

  1. Never Had a Girlfriend? 15 Honest Reasons Why You’re Still Single
  2. How to Tell if a Girl Likes You: 13 Surefire Signs
  3. How to Get a Girlfriend in 16 Steps: The Only Guide You’ll Need
  4. How to Flirt With a Girl: 8 Tips That’ll Make You a Natural
  5. How to Text a Girl: 35 Texts That Will Make Her Want You
  6. How to Ask a Girl Out: 6 Simple Steps to Have More Success
  7. How to Seduce a Woman into Bed the Right Way

Bonus Advanced Content

If you’ve already consumed all of the content above and feel like you’re ready to delve a bit more deeply into the science of female mating behavior, read this guide to female hypergamy: Understanding Female Hypergamy: 9 Ways to Use It to Your Advantage. 

Next, you can go through our in-depth guide to the socio sexual hierarchy, to see how you rank among the male archetypes: The Socio Sexual Hierarchy Explained: Where Do You Rank?

And finally, when (and only when) you’re truly ready to put in the work and change, enroll in our flagship Dating & Masculinity Transformation System.

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It’s deep stuff. But once you understand it, you’ll really be able to use it to your advantage and level up your own dating game. 

3. Get Out There and Start Engaging With Women

All of this self-development and research is great. 

But you don’t want to get hung up with ‘analysis paralysis.’ 

In other words—download some dating apps, start approaching attractive women you meet along the way in your adventures, and start asking real girls out on real dates. 

You have to start somewhere—and there’s no better place to begin than with the basics. 

The more dates you score, the better you’ll get at dating. And eventually, if you get good enough, attractive women will start wanting to ‘lock you down’ as boyfriend material. 

And at that point, you’ll achieve your goal. 


There you have it. 

Now you know everything you need to know about why you’ve been wanting a girlfriend so bad, along with some steps that you can take to make it happen. 

Just remember to keep working on yourself and becoming a better man along the way. 

No woman should ever distract you from your own masculine self-development journey. 

Stay strong out there, kings. Go with grace, and never give up your power.